(no subject)

[lovely_casscass]

People keep congratulating me on my coming graduation, then asking me where I'm going to be and what I'm going to do after that. And it's starting to get to me. I don't know, I don't know where I'm going to be living, who I'm going to work for. If I'll be back in Sac. Stay in Fresno. And people keep asking me if I'm going to move out to Maryland with John once they hear we're still together, or they just presume. Another good chunk presume John and I are engaged...I don't know what to say to anyone. I don't know where my life is going to be past the next few months, and it's scary. I don't like not knowing where I'll be, which means I don't have a plan to get a roof over my head (besides home, and I can't stand it here for long anymore). And the whole thing concerning John is up in the air. I'm still happily with him, we've survived this long, with the military stuff, and worked through a our few problems to make it work. I'd be more than happy to be close, where we can actually go out on dates and see each other regularly, have a normal relationship, but at the same time that's a big jump and far from everyone I know...And it's something we haven't even discussed in theory or concept really. I have no idea what's to happen and where we will be then, or what I want. And then there's the matter of finding a job. And a place to live. It's just so much left unknown and up in the air.

But I guess this all shouldn't be a surprise. I live day to day, taking life as it comes. It's a comfort to me to have the security of knowing where I'll be, a general plan, but I rarely have plans set...

It's all just overwhelming me right now. I wish John wasn't so busy, I miss him a lot and miss having him to talk to.