Apt K262...
I find myself completely unpacked and moved into my apartment, and, for all extensive purposes, living in this 4 bedroom/2 story apartment all on my own. I am excessively bored, and feel rather alone and isolated. Perhaps it is just because I am not used to so much free time, I have a whole week more before I return to work, and just about that before school starts...Hopefully I will not be alone so long.
It seems to me that I only think I have friends...Rather, I know I have a very small hand full of true friends, but they are more often than not out of reach of times like this. Those others, it appears at times, are not the friends I think I have, and I am left abandoned and alone. I say this because whenever I try to make plans, or invite people over, it always falls apart and never happens. I always go when I am called, but hardly ever the reverse happens. It seems more like acquaintances and chance, where we happen to be at the same place and enjoy each other's company...Is it me, am I bad friend and this my repayment? I know I do not call often, it is one of my bad habits. I am naturally very independent.
I do not mean to worry anyone who might be reading into this. I am just very lonely at the moment, and it is easy to think myself alone in such a big place. I don't think I could ever live by myself...And I miss people. I went from a life of living with my grandparents and brother, with family not far away, and regularly going out and socializing, and working, having a busy life...to doing absolutely nothing, and seeing no one...
And now that I am back in Fresno, in a room so similar to my last apartment, I find I am missing my John a lot more. It is easy to see memories around the apartment, and in my room from his past visits...And it makes these past months away from him stretch and seem even even longer. I miss him a lot, and I am growing rather tired of this distance. I want so badly to be able to go to him when I want, or particularly miss him. To go out on dates again like regular couples. Even to talk on the phone when I miss the sound of his voice...
I will survive. I am strong. And November is not so far away, then I will be flying over to see him again. And it won't be long at all before I am busy with work and school again, and probably wishing for this free time...So till then, I will just have to live with this.
It seems to me that I only think I have friends...Rather, I know I have a very small hand full of true friends, but they are more often than not out of reach of times like this. Those others, it appears at times, are not the friends I think I have, and I am left abandoned and alone. I say this because whenever I try to make plans, or invite people over, it always falls apart and never happens. I always go when I am called, but hardly ever the reverse happens. It seems more like acquaintances and chance, where we happen to be at the same place and enjoy each other's company...Is it me, am I bad friend and this my repayment? I know I do not call often, it is one of my bad habits. I am naturally very independent.
I do not mean to worry anyone who might be reading into this. I am just very lonely at the moment, and it is easy to think myself alone in such a big place. I don't think I could ever live by myself...And I miss people. I went from a life of living with my grandparents and brother, with family not far away, and regularly going out and socializing, and working, having a busy life...to doing absolutely nothing, and seeing no one...
And now that I am back in Fresno, in a room so similar to my last apartment, I find I am missing my John a lot more. It is easy to see memories around the apartment, and in my room from his past visits...And it makes these past months away from him stretch and seem even even longer. I miss him a lot, and I am growing rather tired of this distance. I want so badly to be able to go to him when I want, or particularly miss him. To go out on dates again like regular couples. Even to talk on the phone when I miss the sound of his voice...
I will survive. I am strong. And November is not so far away, then I will be flying over to see him again. And it won't be long at all before I am busy with work and school again, and probably wishing for this free time...So till then, I will just have to live with this.