i'm outside of your window with my radio

[lovely_cancer]

I was watching eternal sunshine last night and I had a dream that the memory erase really exsisted. I erased him in the dream and when I woke up I was okay with that and a little disapointed it wasn't true. In a way I wish it did exsist because I would have had it done. If I had done that then I wouldn't have hurt anybody or pissed anyone off. I've decided not to go to the underground. I don't want to see him, I'm happier with him out or my life and he is doing quite well himself. Plus I'm not ready to go to roseville. I know because when I drove pass the exit a few weeks ago my eyes filled with tears. Not just for him but for the girls as well. I never hated the girls. I was deeply hurt and sadden that they didn't come to me first. I wanted to tell him. Whatever pain he felt that moment needed to be directed and taken out on me. So I guess the truth is out now. I'm not going to deny anymore because it's pointless.

I, Carrie, cheated on Adian with Mr. Big.

If you watch sex in the city then you'll understand. While watching sex in the city Carrie cheated on her sweet boyfriend Adian. Adian was perfect, he treated Carrie so fucking good. But Carrie let Mr.Big back into the picture and let passion take hold of her and cheated on Adian. Mr. Big was a fuck, Adian was amazing. Carrie finally tearfully tells Adian and he leaves her. Carrie and Adian end up getting back together a season later but I don't think that is going to happen to this Carrie and unlike sex in the city Carrie, this Carrie doesn't get back with with Mr. Big either, thank god.