Time has a way of changing things
Recently I have been:
Moving into a new house with Ellis, Danica, Guthrie, John, Gretchen and Max
Thats going okay, as well as living with 6 very different personalities can go. I'm excited to have our BBQ this weekend because holy hell do I love me some hot dogs and hamburgers on the grill. I think that everyone needs to get used to the fact that just because you live with yr friends doesn't mean that we all have to hang out all the time. Also we are getting internet so now I can update my livejournal ALL THE TIME! get ready for lots of picture posts from way way way way way back. I'm so excited. YAY TECHNOLOGY
Applying to school
Probably just going to SMCC and I'm not sure if I will be able to go full time because of work, but possibly with online classes coupled with a few actual classes I'll be able to get some sort of degree sometime soon. I just want HOMEWORK! I never thought I'd say that but I miss having to do assignments and being challenged. I feel like maybe my brain is losing all of its intelligence and I don't want to feel that way. Maybe I'll stop drinking as much if I have something productive to do with my life
Working more
This is mostly because I have nothing better to do and am trying to actively save money to attend school again. Not that I have been saving much money but the thoughts real nice huh?
Missing so many of my out of state friends
I miss carrie and catherin so much all the time. I rarely speak with carrie and it saddens me beyond belief. i know this is both of our faults and we should
be holding our friendship to a better standard. I'm so happy she graduated and can't wait until she's a big shot writer, not that she isn't already, I just wish that i were a part of her life still, that i got told things and that i could confide in her things. She was and still could be one of my kindest and best friends. I've actually been seeing catherin regularly but that doesnt mean that I don't miss her all the time, we are kindred spirits and flourish when we are together We understand each other so well and feel so comfortable saying anything and everything to each other, I love it and I love her more then she knows.
Worrying about my gram
I took her out to breakfast recently and that was great. She started laughing so loud that the entire restaurant heard her and started laughing. its been far too long since I had heard that hearty laugh of hers and I'm sure I'll be a mess when I can't ever hear it again. She is always so happy to see me and all the times I ever thought she was a heartless bitch who didn't care at all about me, were so far from the truth. She cares so much about me and wants me to be happy no matter what. I love her and wish that she could fucking live forever, spreading profanity and sex jokes around the world.
Also, I miss you, and I know I shouldn't. And I don't even know if this feeling is missing, or just confusion or worry or jealousy. I just don't know why certain people can be a part of your life but I can't. when i've done nothing wrong. but i think about you sometimes, and its not necessarily bad, which i thought it always would be. I'm the only one who means it when they say they'll love you forever. When you become an adult and can admit that there is still love between us, please contact me. Please.
aw just forget it.
you aren't worth my time.
and your love for me is worthless
if it doesnt extend into friendship.