my life in a stupid nutshell
As of late, I have been trying to make a plan for my life that envolves me being happy.
I have made some sort of wishy-washy plan with Nora to go to France at the end of summer.
The plans keep changing and Nora keeps moving the date back because she's found a
new abusive partner to hang around with all the time.
I have quit smoking, and I feel awesome about it. It wasn't difficult at all for me and it made
me realize I have a really strong will. People continue to smoke around me and even in the same
room as me and it doesn't bother me, even though I work at a call center and everyone knows
that these places can be the most stressful of place to try and quit smoking.
I have also been attempting to stop chewing my nails and I plan to start doing yoga.
I feel very angry for some reason these days and I want to be proactive and not let myself
get in a rut and stay depressed for too long.
Me and Ryan are officially over. He was cheating on me and was so bad to me at the end.
He broke up with me technically, but I will admit, I was not into the idea of dating him at all.
I only saw him once every two weeks because being around him made me sick to my stomach
probably because i subconciously knew he was cheating on me. which turns out he was.
Which is hilarious because he was always accusing me of fucking around, but dont all cheaters
do that?
So, once we broke up we were civil for about 2.5 seconds and then he decided that I was fucking
his ex best friend rob, and started a lovely little rumor about this "fact" and everyone lost their minds
and thought me and rob were the worst people in the entire world. When in fact, at the time
we were just hanging out and being miserably sad together and getting blackout drunk to
calm our unhappiness. I realize that Ryan is... and I know how this makes me sound,
but he is beneath me. Our relationship was dead a long time ago, yet both of us needed comfort
and stability. We stayed together because it was routine and easy, and we both knew how
to make each other feel semi-content. Kicking a dead horse, more or less. I'm glad we aren't
together and I'm glad I'm single, but now I have to start living my life, start doing things
start making myself what I need to be. Start growing. I'm ready to.
I've been making myself get out, do stuff, read more, start to make art, start to make plans and keep them,
go for walks, let myself have fun. I just need to not be a waste of space, I need to not let being depressed be
my excuse for not being anything at all.
.
I've been seeing some people and have no intention of getting in a relationship. For the first time in my life
I feel comfortable just kind of... doing whatever. I have a few boys I have crushes on that sleep in my bed
on the regular and a girl who I have a date with on saturday. I just want to see what its like to just be selfish
for a little while. To do whatever I want, which apparently is have a HUGE crush on someone I really shouldn't
and make a fool of myself by expressing this to them. I mean, I know that i shouldn't and that we could never
be anything more then fuck buddies because of our mutual friends and the fact that it would be more hassle
then anything, but WHATEVER. I'm just going to try and keep a clear head and continue to have a good year
by myself or with someone, it doesnt matter.
you'll never be truely happy until you realize how awesome you are, and I'm trying the HARDEST to realize that.
I have made some sort of wishy-washy plan with Nora to go to France at the end of summer.
The plans keep changing and Nora keeps moving the date back because she's found a
new abusive partner to hang around with all the time.
I have quit smoking, and I feel awesome about it. It wasn't difficult at all for me and it made
me realize I have a really strong will. People continue to smoke around me and even in the same
room as me and it doesn't bother me, even though I work at a call center and everyone knows
that these places can be the most stressful of place to try and quit smoking.
I have also been attempting to stop chewing my nails and I plan to start doing yoga.
I feel very angry for some reason these days and I want to be proactive and not let myself
get in a rut and stay depressed for too long.
Me and Ryan are officially over. He was cheating on me and was so bad to me at the end.
He broke up with me technically, but I will admit, I was not into the idea of dating him at all.
I only saw him once every two weeks because being around him made me sick to my stomach
probably because i subconciously knew he was cheating on me. which turns out he was.
Which is hilarious because he was always accusing me of fucking around, but dont all cheaters
do that?
So, once we broke up we were civil for about 2.5 seconds and then he decided that I was fucking
his ex best friend rob, and started a lovely little rumor about this "fact" and everyone lost their minds
and thought me and rob were the worst people in the entire world. When in fact, at the time
we were just hanging out and being miserably sad together and getting blackout drunk to
calm our unhappiness. I realize that Ryan is... and I know how this makes me sound,
but he is beneath me. Our relationship was dead a long time ago, yet both of us needed comfort
and stability. We stayed together because it was routine and easy, and we both knew how
to make each other feel semi-content. Kicking a dead horse, more or less. I'm glad we aren't
together and I'm glad I'm single, but now I have to start living my life, start doing things
start making myself what I need to be. Start growing. I'm ready to.
I've been making myself get out, do stuff, read more, start to make art, start to make plans and keep them,
go for walks, let myself have fun. I just need to not be a waste of space, I need to not let being depressed be
my excuse for not being anything at all.
.
I've been seeing some people and have no intention of getting in a relationship. For the first time in my life
I feel comfortable just kind of... doing whatever. I have a few boys I have crushes on that sleep in my bed
on the regular and a girl who I have a date with on saturday. I just want to see what its like to just be selfish
for a little while. To do whatever I want, which apparently is have a HUGE crush on someone I really shouldn't
and make a fool of myself by expressing this to them. I mean, I know that i shouldn't and that we could never
be anything more then fuck buddies because of our mutual friends and the fact that it would be more hassle
then anything, but WHATEVER. I'm just going to try and keep a clear head and continue to have a good year
by myself or with someone, it doesnt matter.
you'll never be truely happy until you realize how awesome you are, and I'm trying the HARDEST to realize that.