Weird and hoping to keep positive.
Church this morning was good and bad.
I had fun but people have started noticing my scars, cuts and burns....not really the burns.( Sara and Brenna have)
It scares me being at church during these things more than at work or hanging out.
There people tell me that God still loves me and pray for me and all.
I don't get mad at them because I know that is thier belief system and they are saying and doing those things out of the goodness of their hearts.
I get scared and cry quickly when people call me out.
It's okay and I expect it, I don't lie about it and i'm not mean to people about it.
Honesty is all I can give.
I know for some people religion saves them and it's right and i'm proud of those people.
After reviewing my own beliefs I love being the person to be a witness to all of this ( i like being at church and singing and watching and learning their belief system....the people there are nice too)
But I don't think a religion is for me and i'm okay with that.
It's nice that people believe in me and care.
And it's nice to be there to witness their faith and the beauty of it.
I want to study religions in my spare time.
It's interesting to me.
I want to teach myself other languages, Latin, Irish, Greek, Spanish, Japanese.....things that I may use or i'll just feel good for knowing.
I want to learn and be soo much....i don't know if I can do it all.
But don't damn me from trying.
I'm working on myself and have to drive to the doc on tues. with mom.
She needs to refill her pills and she thinks they could help me with anxiety.
I can't wait to start going into regular therapy...i'll be amazingly nervous but i have to do what i have to do.
And more than anything today church made me feel like, I can't wait for things to change.
That I have to make it happen.
Normally Jesse's relaltionship mush makes me mad or jealous...
but this time it's different
most times i just smile and read on.
I'm happy to feel this way about others being happy even when i am not.
There is so much i want to start and do.
So many people I want to talk to.
to explain things to....its hopefull today.
Brenna gave me this little " steps to accepting god " booklet.
I think she was afraid i would be mad.
It just made me smile.
I know she cares and this is her way of trying to help.
It's all well and good.
(but brenna, you should tell me the story behind that cause i feel there is one "someone told me to give this to you " kind of tipped me off ) :-P
I had fun but people have started noticing my scars, cuts and burns....not really the burns.( Sara and Brenna have)
It scares me being at church during these things more than at work or hanging out.
There people tell me that God still loves me and pray for me and all.
I don't get mad at them because I know that is thier belief system and they are saying and doing those things out of the goodness of their hearts.
I get scared and cry quickly when people call me out.
It's okay and I expect it, I don't lie about it and i'm not mean to people about it.
Honesty is all I can give.
I know for some people religion saves them and it's right and i'm proud of those people.
After reviewing my own beliefs I love being the person to be a witness to all of this ( i like being at church and singing and watching and learning their belief system....the people there are nice too)
But I don't think a religion is for me and i'm okay with that.
It's nice that people believe in me and care.
And it's nice to be there to witness their faith and the beauty of it.
I want to study religions in my spare time.
It's interesting to me.
I want to teach myself other languages, Latin, Irish, Greek, Spanish, Japanese.....things that I may use or i'll just feel good for knowing.
I want to learn and be soo much....i don't know if I can do it all.
But don't damn me from trying.
I'm working on myself and have to drive to the doc on tues. with mom.
She needs to refill her pills and she thinks they could help me with anxiety.
I can't wait to start going into regular therapy...i'll be amazingly nervous but i have to do what i have to do.
And more than anything today church made me feel like, I can't wait for things to change.
That I have to make it happen.
Normally Jesse's relaltionship mush makes me mad or jealous...
but this time it's different
most times i just smile and read on.
I'm happy to feel this way about others being happy even when i am not.
There is so much i want to start and do.
So many people I want to talk to.
to explain things to....its hopefull today.
Brenna gave me this little " steps to accepting god " booklet.
I think she was afraid i would be mad.
It just made me smile.
I know she cares and this is her way of trying to help.
It's all well and good.
(but brenna, you should tell me the story behind that cause i feel there is one "someone told me to give this to you " kind of tipped me off ) :-P