It's Time
For me to make the change I want to see in me.....
I need to change before I ruin myself more.
I know i have written this many times and
this might not be the last time I say it.
Work gives me ten hours a day to think.
I'm trying to figure out what needs to be done.
How to feel better about myself....
Nothing has worked yet.
I want to be better but how ?
I can't figure it out on my own and
I my mom has no clue what to do.
.....she is the closest to understanding and she can't even say anything to me...
...except "I love you" which doesn't effect me anymore.
I hate that.
I feel cold and bitter and angry.
Even when I am smiling and laughing
it doesn't feel warm and cozy.
Sleep is the only way I kind of get away
normally i have a dream that kills me and
wake up mad or sad.....
what do i do ?
Everything hurts inside and I don't know how to change it.
I want love.
I know I won't find it any time soon.
That's for the best.
I understand this.
I have to stay away and make sure
if ANYTHING starts than
I HAVE to take it slow.....
VERY slow....
I've ruined myself enough,
it's time to try and put the pieces back together.
I need to change before I ruin myself more.
I know i have written this many times and
this might not be the last time I say it.
Work gives me ten hours a day to think.
I'm trying to figure out what needs to be done.
How to feel better about myself....
Nothing has worked yet.
I want to be better but how ?
I can't figure it out on my own and
I my mom has no clue what to do.
.....she is the closest to understanding and she can't even say anything to me...
...except "I love you" which doesn't effect me anymore.
I hate that.
I feel cold and bitter and angry.
Even when I am smiling and laughing
it doesn't feel warm and cozy.
Sleep is the only way I kind of get away
normally i have a dream that kills me and
wake up mad or sad.....
what do i do ?
Everything hurts inside and I don't know how to change it.
I want love.
I know I won't find it any time soon.
That's for the best.
I understand this.
I have to stay away and make sure
if ANYTHING starts than
I HAVE to take it slow.....
VERY slow....
I've ruined myself enough,
it's time to try and put the pieces back together.