(no subject)
I feel so anxious and headachey today, I feel like crying. Luckily, the mascara I am wearing keeps soaking up the tears.
Today is the only day for the next two weeks where I can get away with not working and not studying.
My life feels so monotonous. School, work, school, work. When I have a few hours to do what I please like I do today, I don't know what to do with myself. I always want to sew, but don't feel creative enough to come up with something to make. I want to spend time with Andrew or with the couple of friends that I have, but they have their own daily schedules that I can't be a part of. Maybe I will clean the kitchen, or our bedroom. The bathroom. Take the dogs for a walk? Go to Barnes and Nobles by myself to read magazines? Is this how I will spend the only free time that I will have for the next couple of stressfull weeks? These are my options, they make me feel like a loser.
Eventually what happens is that, on days like today, I wind up wasting away the hours that I don't know what to do with by taking naps until he gets home in the evening and I can have someone to watch TV with.
Today will be no exception I'm sure.
When does that time come when you become so comfortable with the people around you that you start to have nothing to say? I just don't feel like I have any attractive, magical secrets or exciting facts left about myself to tell that will make it more enjoyable for others to be with/near me. I go to school five hours a day and work the rest of my time at a restaurant who's food isn't even all that great. There are no secrets about my daily routine, nothing out of the ordinary that I can talk about when I am sitting in the same spot on the couch at the end of the night. Nothing that will make me seem like an amazing person to be around.
When there is nothing left to find out about a person, is that when you start searching for someone else?
Today is the only day for the next two weeks where I can get away with not working and not studying.
My life feels so monotonous. School, work, school, work. When I have a few hours to do what I please like I do today, I don't know what to do with myself. I always want to sew, but don't feel creative enough to come up with something to make. I want to spend time with Andrew or with the couple of friends that I have, but they have their own daily schedules that I can't be a part of. Maybe I will clean the kitchen, or our bedroom. The bathroom. Take the dogs for a walk? Go to Barnes and Nobles by myself to read magazines? Is this how I will spend the only free time that I will have for the next couple of stressfull weeks? These are my options, they make me feel like a loser.
Eventually what happens is that, on days like today, I wind up wasting away the hours that I don't know what to do with by taking naps until he gets home in the evening and I can have someone to watch TV with.
Today will be no exception I'm sure.
When does that time come when you become so comfortable with the people around you that you start to have nothing to say? I just don't feel like I have any attractive, magical secrets or exciting facts left about myself to tell that will make it more enjoyable for others to be with/near me. I go to school five hours a day and work the rest of my time at a restaurant who's food isn't even all that great. There are no secrets about my daily routine, nothing out of the ordinary that I can talk about when I am sitting in the same spot on the couch at the end of the night. Nothing that will make me seem like an amazing person to be around.
When there is nothing left to find out about a person, is that when you start searching for someone else?