(no subject)
Sometimes I miss the way things used to be. I miss the way I felt..... I miss the way he made me feel.
Because no matter how fucked up and ridiculous our relationship was, he always made me feel like I was the only thing that mattered to him. That I was the best thing in the world. ALWAYS.
It's nights like these where I wish I was different. Because here I am being an emotional wreck and the only person I can get the guts to call turns their phone off..... I like to avoid problems too, but you should know me well enough by now to know that I just need you. And no, I don't want to talk about it. And no, it really has nothing to do with you. It has to do with me being as fucked up as I am and being stressed and not knowing how to handle myself because you're gone. Again. Sometimes I want to know that I'll come home to you everynight. But I know I won't. Sometimes I want you to just hold me and tell me it's ganna be ok... even if it's not.
I don't cry alot when I'm sober. And I really don't cry when I'm drunk anymore. But when I do it's really because I need you. And now I feel like I have to go to someone else.
Love sucks sometimes. And it hurts. And I hate being away from you and thinking these things and saying these words, but I don't know how else to make myself feel better without you either next to me or on the other end. Thanks for being there like you said you would. It means a lot.