11.
Wishing.
I was just going through my old photobucket.
And my old livejournal.
I miss Winter of '04 a lot.
I miss summer.
I miss how my dad and mom lived in the same town, so when something was bothering me, I could escape to whichever house was safest at the time.
I feel so lost right now, it's practically killing me.
I want to live with my mom and my sister again.
I want Tammy back.
I want fluffy and Rob and Paige and Snickers and Neffertiti. I want Cumberland back. I want Linzi and Eener and Lex and Leah and "the neighborhood".
I want it all back.
I'm a fool for letting it all slip away.
Now I'm stuck in an unfamiliar place hanging on by a thread.
I sometimes catch myself wondering why I do it.
I sometimes wonder why I'm here and not there.
I guess I'm never thinking about the past or the future, just about the present and supposed-to-be's.
This winter is sucking pretty hardcore. There is no snow on the ground. It feels like spring.
I hate change. I want to go back to 30 East Barrows st. I want to go back to 41 Forest ave. I hate moving. I can hardly take this feeling, it's driving me insane. I get to go down to Rhode Island this comming weekend, and I might want to stay.
I hate making hard decisions. The semester is almost over and I might just have to make this decision, we all know it. Fuck. I can't handle this.
Even thinking about it, it makes me want to cry. I shake, just to think about leaving, starting over, again. So close to the end of my High School years, and I might just have to start over, new school, new town.
I just want it to stop.
Stop the world from spinning under me.
Make the time stop changing.
Make these feelings go away.
I don't know why the best choice it the hardest one to make.
It makes me sick.
Someone hit me.
I was just going through my old photobucket.
And my old livejournal.
I miss Winter of '04 a lot.
I miss summer.
I miss how my dad and mom lived in the same town, so when something was bothering me, I could escape to whichever house was safest at the time.
I feel so lost right now, it's practically killing me.
I want to live with my mom and my sister again.
I want Tammy back.
I want fluffy and Rob and Paige and Snickers and Neffertiti. I want Cumberland back. I want Linzi and Eener and Lex and Leah and "the neighborhood".
I want it all back.
I'm a fool for letting it all slip away.
Now I'm stuck in an unfamiliar place hanging on by a thread.
I sometimes catch myself wondering why I do it.
I sometimes wonder why I'm here and not there.
I guess I'm never thinking about the past or the future, just about the present and supposed-to-be's.
This winter is sucking pretty hardcore. There is no snow on the ground. It feels like spring.
I hate change. I want to go back to 30 East Barrows st. I want to go back to 41 Forest ave. I hate moving. I can hardly take this feeling, it's driving me insane. I get to go down to Rhode Island this comming weekend, and I might want to stay.
I hate making hard decisions. The semester is almost over and I might just have to make this decision, we all know it. Fuck. I can't handle this.
Even thinking about it, it makes me want to cry. I shake, just to think about leaving, starting over, again. So close to the end of my High School years, and I might just have to start over, new school, new town.
I just want it to stop.
Stop the world from spinning under me.
Make the time stop changing.
Make these feelings go away.
I don't know why the best choice it the hardest one to make.
It makes me sick.
Someone hit me.