I'll get grammar out of the way in one fell swoop: I immediately noticed fewer comma misuses but you still use them too much. Also, you use a dash or a comma in places better suited to a semi-colon.
That out of the way.
which reach me in the sunken climate of my mind.
Here is where 'which' actually should be 'that'. Also, 'sunken' isn't exactly a climate in the states (sunken = lowered and climate = weather) so while I believe I understand what you're trying to get across, it requires me to 'make it up' so to speak. Do these words have different meanings/uses in the UK?
revolve around millstones that may or may not move something in the nether depths
This is lacking a specifier and 'something' doesn't cut it. Surrounded by such descriptions, 'something' is out of place. I'm not suggesting you identify it, necessarily, but can you find a better way of saying 'something'? A metaphor/simile, perhaps?
each sealed with the heat like rosebuds blooming inwards within me.
Look, Ms Faeway, I've decided that you're a psychic who understands my writing to a level that no-one else can. While you may have inferred what I was talking about with "The Human Abstract", others less gifted than yourself may have summarised that it's just some bloke in hell, see? Secondly, I'm referencing Blake
( ... )
The things I say are how I respond to them. I don't know anything and everything but I reply with what my understanding is so that you know how some people are seeing it. Once you realize that people reading it may not get it exactly as you intended it, things will be fine.
Obviously I don't get everything you intend and that is the point of critique, is it not? To improve what you're saying so the intention is reflected in the reader?
I did some further thinking on the 'sunken climate' and find that in this piece, with the imagery you've been using, it fits well. (the definition you used is not one I've heard. That could be my lack of knowledge of the word or a dialectical disagreement between countries. I made a comment based on what I knew, not what you meant.)
this bloke doesn't have your psychic powers and doesn't KNOW what's going on in the depths,I don't know what's going on, either, but 'something' detracts itself when surrounded by such beautiful prose as the rosebuds sentence
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When you say you were going to refrain from commenting on another of my pieces, aren't you essentially saying that you expected the rest of my pieces to be crap
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When you say you were going to refrain from commenting on another of my pieces, aren't you essentially saying that you expected the rest of my pieces to be crap?
I didn't intend it this way, sorry. I realize it came across that way. What I meant was what I typed at the end of the comment, that our communication is perhaps too strained to do much good. That was how I intended it and once again I apologize that I misrepresented my feeling.
There is no dialectical disagreement between countries - it's the common understanding of the word, hence "Southern climate".
Right. Dunno what was on in my head when I said I didn't know that definition. What did you mean when you used 'sunken climate'?
See what I mean about your subjective criticism? I thought of "jewel-encrusted", and you obviously thought of "shit-encrusted" ...
That may be a regional thing, down to the location I live as opposed to the location a rock star lives. It made sense to you because you know that's what you meant. Is it possible to tack on a simile to better
( ... )
That out of the way.
which reach me in the sunken climate of my mind.
Here is where 'which' actually should be 'that'. Also, 'sunken' isn't exactly a climate in the states (sunken = lowered and climate = weather) so while I believe I understand what you're trying to get across, it requires me to 'make it up' so to speak. Do these words have different meanings/uses in the UK?
revolve around millstones that may or may not move something in the nether depths
This is lacking a specifier and 'something' doesn't cut it. Surrounded by such descriptions, 'something' is out of place. I'm not suggesting you identify it, necessarily, but can you find a better way of saying 'something'? A metaphor/simile, perhaps?
each sealed with the heat like rosebuds blooming inwards within me.
This is what I'm talking about.
torn from his skeletal ( ... )
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The things I say are how I respond to them. I don't know anything and everything but I reply with what my understanding is so that you know how some people are seeing it. Once you realize that people reading it may not get it exactly as you intended it, things will be fine.
Obviously I don't get everything you intend and that is the point of critique, is it not? To improve what you're saying so the intention is reflected in the reader?
I did some further thinking on the 'sunken climate' and find that in this piece, with the imagery you've been using, it fits well. (the definition you used is not one I've heard. That could be my lack of knowledge of the word or a dialectical disagreement between countries. I made a comment based on what I knew, not what you meant.)
this bloke doesn't have your psychic powers and doesn't KNOW what's going on in the depths,I don't know what's going on, either, but 'something' detracts itself when surrounded by such beautiful prose as the rosebuds sentence ( ... )
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Reply
I didn't intend it this way, sorry. I realize it came across that way. What I meant was what I typed at the end of the comment, that our communication is perhaps too strained to do much good. That was how I intended it and once again I apologize that I misrepresented my feeling.
There is no dialectical disagreement between countries - it's the common understanding of the word, hence "Southern climate".
Right. Dunno what was on in my head when I said I didn't know that definition. What did you mean when you used 'sunken climate'?
See what I mean about your subjective criticism? I thought of "jewel-encrusted", and you obviously thought of "shit-encrusted" ...
That may be a regional thing, down to the location I live as opposed to the location a rock star lives. It made sense to you because you know that's what you meant. Is it possible to tack on a simile to better ( ... )
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