I can't even attempt
kill me kill me kill me
I'm having a panic attack
there's so much crapcrapcrap
I have the worst finals ever
nothing to look forward to
no more chorus to look forward to, to get me through the school day
just classes I'm doing horribly in
I have to make up tests in lit and 2 in ap calculus
I already took the tests in lit, but she lost them, as well as my journals, which I did, thank you. So now I have to figure out what all those are, and do them over, and hope she'll give me some credit.
and the calculus tests, I'm going to fail. and I can't get all the homework things together, so I don't think I'll be able to take off the lowest test grade= bad.
I'm eternally screwed
maybe my mom's right. I am stupid, and I wont make it into college, and I'm a lazy lame crapo person.
I need this break sooooooo bad. but it's like dangling in front of me, but I can't reach it
it's a cruel, cruel joke.
I don't need jokes right now
I need a break from this
but no
and now, my 11month old neice is in the hospital with a raging and rapidly-increasing fever, which, last I heard was 104.5°F
why? she's a baby!!!!! just a baby!!!!
I know, everyone's tellign me to calm down, but it's just so hard. I'm panicking like no other
there's so much going on
so much to do
and I'm so behind, and I only have 2 days of school left to get it all made up
AND try to pass my finals
it's like, today they threw feathers
tomorrow it's rocks
friday, boulders, with a pinch of dynamite as a relish
ya know, a good way to end the semester
it seems no matter what I do, I'm never good enough for my mom/parents
I say my mom cuz I don't really get along too well with my dad (neither with my mom), and he doesn't really care about me, unless my mom tells him to.
-me:"can I take a break?" (repeat several times until he deems you worthy of his attention and hearing)
-dad:"uh..sure." (turns back to watching nature shows on tv)
-mom:"no garth! she can't do anything!"
-dad:"what do you think you're doing? you can't take a break! get back to work!"
It's like, I'm a failure, no matter what. Well, it's not my fault I have depression, and gosh knows all the other mental issues I have. You think I want them?! So whether I get a 99 or a 9, it doesn't matter, cuz it's not a 100 on everything. Sorry I'm not the perfect student. Your screaming and deprecation of my self esteem isn't going to make that any better. But thanks for tryin, ya know.
Maybe I'll go take some of my Codeine cough syrup. does that calm nerves? as well as quell the nerve registered to coughing? will it knock me into oblivion?
hmmmm maybe I should try