Random post to keep me from stressing too much
I don't know... I really don't.
So... our one-month anniversary is on Tuesday the 17th, I believe. I don't remember dates well, or at all, so I'm going off Gaji (I'll start calling him that here, it is his character) and what he says. Anyway, we haven't seen each other in about two and a half weeks (he had the ACT over the weekend, and then there was father's day, which I didn't do a damn thing for my father... I shoulda told Papa happy father's day, since he's the closest I have). But he's close to his father, and unlike mine (who has done nothing to earn my respect, thus why I don't care for him, since he believes I should just give a damn unconditionally for the man who helped bring me into this miserable world but didn't want to have anything to do with my upbringing), Gaji's father gives a damn about him, so there was that. Or at least that's my impression. Anyway, the point of this rambling thing is, we're going to get to see each other again Friday (hurry up and get here already, dammit!) and we're going on our first official date/anniversary celebration.
The date isn't the problem; I dig action flicks and can barely BARELY tolerate chick flicks, and I love a good comedy, so we can agree on movie tastes there. We already know we're either going to see Don't Mess With The Zohan or The Love Guru (both sounded good to both of us, plus they're the only two current movies I could think of to go see, since I don't keep up with cinemas. I can barely sit still long enough to watch a movie at home, never mind a 7$+gas movie in town). Dinner after, that's a mild issue... see, the only two Japanese restaurants in town now have their liquor licenses (oh, the joys of living in a dry county) so now they're technically clubs. Anyone under 21 can't get in without a person 21+ in their party, and that means no Japanese food for LA here. Now, Gaji is 22 (yes, I'm dating guys older than myself again, so? I think now that younger men are a bit overrated and immature, if the last two I've dated have been any indication) so getting in would be no issue, but the price... I already know it's a strain on his budget to come here and see me, with gas prices the way they are and it taking 1/4th of a tank to get here, if I remember what he told me correctly on gas mileage for his car... so I don't want to go eat anywhere pricey. Hell, I'd be more than willing to cook if we got the damned house to ourselves, but we're going to be out anyway. I just don't know where to eat... though there is that new Thai place downtown... problem is, I've never had Thai. Shit, I lived near Memphis at the time of a child's life where they're the most picky, and I was worse than most children. Still pretty bad today, but yanno, old habits. Point is, I donno where to suggest we eat. Frankly, it could be a freaking McDonald's and I'd be happy just to be with him (anyone laughs over the sap and I'll kill 'em. I swear. Honesty is my policy here.). We wouldn't even have to go see the movie. I'd be happy just to walk through a park with him... if Jbo HAD any parks, that is. Besides the forest/reserve that takes a half hour to get to from my house. Hell, we could go to Paragould in that time. At least there we could eat anywhere (that's a wet county, folks).
So yeah, dunno where to go eat, and another issue I got...
I DUNNO WHAT TO WEAR! And here's why I can't ask my friends: Recall, Lacus and Kimmy liked Will too, and I don't want to make it seem like I'm trying to laugh in their faces that I got the boy. Because I'm not. There was enough tension that you could have cut it with a knife the day they found out. Lacus was pissed for weeks, and I think she's still mad even now... and Kimmy gets sad about couples, so I don't want to make her sad. Noura... NOT happy with her right now. She's making up stories and I don't like that she's so uncomfortable in her own skin that she has to tell lies to try and keep her friends. But I refuse to confront her, she'll trip herself up someday and that will make her realize that no, just because you aren't as special as you want to seem to the world doesn't make you any less special to a spiritual sister. If I ask mom she'll try to play 'Dress LA up like a Barbie doll'... and I usually end up looking like Preppy Prude Barbie there. Besides, I don't want to wear a dress! I should look for a nice pair of dress slacks or something that actually fits and wear that and a nice tank top... I don't know! I just can't decide what to wear! I mean, if the situation fits I've got a nice sundress that I got a couple of summers back but I haven't worn yet because I need to take it in a little in the waist, I could do that Thursday night and wear it Friday if the situation fits but I really don't wanna...
God, I'm stressing over dinner, I'm stressing over clothes, I'm stressing over makeup or no... shit, shoot me now, I've become one of the things I hate: a girly-girl.
Top this all off with just general Gaji stuff. I worry too much, he thinks... but if we make it past his record of three months I think I can settle down a little. I only worry so much because I'm afraid that this will die like my last relationships have. I mean, I love him, yes, and it's unconditional, but I just wonder if he really sees that like he says he does. Next issue, long term stuff: if I'm going to be in this family long-term (his words) I need to meet his father. Shit, anyone else thinking 'Simple and Clean' here? Don't get me wrong, I love you, but does that mean I have to meet your father? Well, same goes for him, but with my grandparents. I could care less if him and dad meet, they'd likely end up hating each other. Don't ask how I know this, I just do. Besides the fact that dad isn't easy to get along with anyway... Then the other night he asks how I feel about people moving in together before they're married. Well, from a devout Christian standpoint (and I am qualified to speak on this; though I didn't go to church often I was enrolled in a church school where we had chapel every morning and bible lessons every week. Believe it or not, this little agnostic used to be able to name off all the books of the bible, new and old testaments, and could quote more than just the 23rd Psalm, John 3:16, and the lord's prayer.), I can see the issue it brings up: are they engaged or living in sin? Are they damning their eternal souls just because they think they love each other and will find in a month's time that they can't tolerate each other once they live under the same roof? I see the dilemma that brings up, yes, but I've got a more contemporary viewpoint on it. I think that if you care for someone and you actually think you're going to stay together, then what's the harm of moving in together? If you're not having sex (no, darlings, I do NOT live in the 50's, that is NOT a taboo word, anyone who can't stomach the word sex is obviously not living in today's society, where sex and sexuality are a big heaping part of everyone's daily life), then you're not damning your soul, correct? So I think that if you live together even while dating but you don't fuck, then you're good. I may be twisted, but find me a minister that would disagree with me once you look at the logic. -shrug- Anyway, he then proceeded to ask me if I'd want to move in with him when he moves up here. A little fast, huh?
I don't think he'd be able to stand me, really. I mean, when I wake up, I am NOT to be spoken to for at least a half hour, until I get used to the idea that no, I cannot simply go back to bed and leave the world to rot. I'm a mess, I'm barely domestic, I get lost in projects and forget to clean (speaking of, I need to clean my room tomorrow and vacuum, I've found at least three spiders in here in the past week and I HATE spiders), I'm just a mess really... hell, I can barely cook. How would he be able to survive me? But I've seen some of him that he thinks I'd be unable to tolerate, and I've survived, ne?
Then he won't let me stick to one of my convictions (given, it's not a big one): I'm not pretty. I'm about 10-15 pounds over my ideal weight (I'm 131 as of this morning, and I want to get down to 120-122, because that's the weight a girl my age and height should ideally be). I don't care about dressing up or make up (see my dilemma? I don't really date so it's a new one for me to have to dress up to go out). I've been known to literally tie my own hair into a knot to get it off my neck so I can cool down when I don't want to get a hair holder (just did that, in fact). How can someone like me, who could care less about looks, be pretty? But no, he says I've got a rockin' bod and a nice ass (which makes me blush, because it's kinda unnerving to have anyone pay attention to my ass, maybe because my perverted family gets a kick out of teasing me about it- they say I have a good ass too, but I DON'T SEE IT! I DON'T THINK I EVEN HAVE AN ASS! Or much of one, anyway...) and I'm not allowed to disagree. Well, that'd be all fine and good... if I wasn't an independent woman who is allowed to have her own opinions. But vocally I don't disagree just to keep trouble down... I fear I'm starting on the wrong path already. Okay, I can accept that I'm not pretty- I came to terms with it a long time ago and I don't want to be lied to on that. But no, he brings up the fact that he's seen me in the morning after all-night parties before and I still looked good to him. Well, that's to him. Me and the rest of the world, we can disagree on that. I'm no Heidi Klum, or Brooke Shields, that's for sure. But at least I'm not one of those toothpicks who think being a size zero is all the world needs to get along. Besides, I won't let him say he's stupid or ugly- I don't date morons, and the looks he's got... hell, he is a damn sexy gamer, let me tell you that. -wink- I got lucky on this one. But I gotta wonder- did he get the same deal here?
Well, this has actually been rather cathartic. But it's way past my bedtime now, so... Ciao!
-Get cancer!
-Zexion, be nice!
-Get cancer, please?
The Ansem Retort, unsure of what comic. Funny as hell though, and one Gaji wants to reenact just for kicks around some of our friends who read that. XD Which I believe currently consists of Kimmy. Maybe Lacus.
So... our one-month anniversary is on Tuesday the 17th, I believe. I don't remember dates well, or at all, so I'm going off Gaji (I'll start calling him that here, it is his character) and what he says. Anyway, we haven't seen each other in about two and a half weeks (he had the ACT over the weekend, and then there was father's day, which I didn't do a damn thing for my father... I shoulda told Papa happy father's day, since he's the closest I have). But he's close to his father, and unlike mine (who has done nothing to earn my respect, thus why I don't care for him, since he believes I should just give a damn unconditionally for the man who helped bring me into this miserable world but didn't want to have anything to do with my upbringing), Gaji's father gives a damn about him, so there was that. Or at least that's my impression. Anyway, the point of this rambling thing is, we're going to get to see each other again Friday (hurry up and get here already, dammit!) and we're going on our first official date/anniversary celebration.
The date isn't the problem; I dig action flicks and can barely BARELY tolerate chick flicks, and I love a good comedy, so we can agree on movie tastes there. We already know we're either going to see Don't Mess With The Zohan or The Love Guru (both sounded good to both of us, plus they're the only two current movies I could think of to go see, since I don't keep up with cinemas. I can barely sit still long enough to watch a movie at home, never mind a 7$+gas movie in town). Dinner after, that's a mild issue... see, the only two Japanese restaurants in town now have their liquor licenses (oh, the joys of living in a dry county) so now they're technically clubs. Anyone under 21 can't get in without a person 21+ in their party, and that means no Japanese food for LA here. Now, Gaji is 22 (yes, I'm dating guys older than myself again, so? I think now that younger men are a bit overrated and immature, if the last two I've dated have been any indication) so getting in would be no issue, but the price... I already know it's a strain on his budget to come here and see me, with gas prices the way they are and it taking 1/4th of a tank to get here, if I remember what he told me correctly on gas mileage for his car... so I don't want to go eat anywhere pricey. Hell, I'd be more than willing to cook if we got the damned house to ourselves, but we're going to be out anyway. I just don't know where to eat... though there is that new Thai place downtown... problem is, I've never had Thai. Shit, I lived near Memphis at the time of a child's life where they're the most picky, and I was worse than most children. Still pretty bad today, but yanno, old habits. Point is, I donno where to suggest we eat. Frankly, it could be a freaking McDonald's and I'd be happy just to be with him (anyone laughs over the sap and I'll kill 'em. I swear. Honesty is my policy here.). We wouldn't even have to go see the movie. I'd be happy just to walk through a park with him... if Jbo HAD any parks, that is. Besides the forest/reserve that takes a half hour to get to from my house. Hell, we could go to Paragould in that time. At least there we could eat anywhere (that's a wet county, folks).
So yeah, dunno where to go eat, and another issue I got...
I DUNNO WHAT TO WEAR! And here's why I can't ask my friends: Recall, Lacus and Kimmy liked Will too, and I don't want to make it seem like I'm trying to laugh in their faces that I got the boy. Because I'm not. There was enough tension that you could have cut it with a knife the day they found out. Lacus was pissed for weeks, and I think she's still mad even now... and Kimmy gets sad about couples, so I don't want to make her sad. Noura... NOT happy with her right now. She's making up stories and I don't like that she's so uncomfortable in her own skin that she has to tell lies to try and keep her friends. But I refuse to confront her, she'll trip herself up someday and that will make her realize that no, just because you aren't as special as you want to seem to the world doesn't make you any less special to a spiritual sister. If I ask mom she'll try to play 'Dress LA up like a Barbie doll'... and I usually end up looking like Preppy Prude Barbie there. Besides, I don't want to wear a dress! I should look for a nice pair of dress slacks or something that actually fits and wear that and a nice tank top... I don't know! I just can't decide what to wear! I mean, if the situation fits I've got a nice sundress that I got a couple of summers back but I haven't worn yet because I need to take it in a little in the waist, I could do that Thursday night and wear it Friday if the situation fits but I really don't wanna...
God, I'm stressing over dinner, I'm stressing over clothes, I'm stressing over makeup or no... shit, shoot me now, I've become one of the things I hate: a girly-girl.
Top this all off with just general Gaji stuff. I worry too much, he thinks... but if we make it past his record of three months I think I can settle down a little. I only worry so much because I'm afraid that this will die like my last relationships have. I mean, I love him, yes, and it's unconditional, but I just wonder if he really sees that like he says he does. Next issue, long term stuff: if I'm going to be in this family long-term (his words) I need to meet his father. Shit, anyone else thinking 'Simple and Clean' here? Don't get me wrong, I love you, but does that mean I have to meet your father? Well, same goes for him, but with my grandparents. I could care less if him and dad meet, they'd likely end up hating each other. Don't ask how I know this, I just do. Besides the fact that dad isn't easy to get along with anyway... Then the other night he asks how I feel about people moving in together before they're married. Well, from a devout Christian standpoint (and I am qualified to speak on this; though I didn't go to church often I was enrolled in a church school where we had chapel every morning and bible lessons every week. Believe it or not, this little agnostic used to be able to name off all the books of the bible, new and old testaments, and could quote more than just the 23rd Psalm, John 3:16, and the lord's prayer.), I can see the issue it brings up: are they engaged or living in sin? Are they damning their eternal souls just because they think they love each other and will find in a month's time that they can't tolerate each other once they live under the same roof? I see the dilemma that brings up, yes, but I've got a more contemporary viewpoint on it. I think that if you care for someone and you actually think you're going to stay together, then what's the harm of moving in together? If you're not having sex (no, darlings, I do NOT live in the 50's, that is NOT a taboo word, anyone who can't stomach the word sex is obviously not living in today's society, where sex and sexuality are a big heaping part of everyone's daily life), then you're not damning your soul, correct? So I think that if you live together even while dating but you don't fuck, then you're good. I may be twisted, but find me a minister that would disagree with me once you look at the logic. -shrug- Anyway, he then proceeded to ask me if I'd want to move in with him when he moves up here. A little fast, huh?
I don't think he'd be able to stand me, really. I mean, when I wake up, I am NOT to be spoken to for at least a half hour, until I get used to the idea that no, I cannot simply go back to bed and leave the world to rot. I'm a mess, I'm barely domestic, I get lost in projects and forget to clean (speaking of, I need to clean my room tomorrow and vacuum, I've found at least three spiders in here in the past week and I HATE spiders), I'm just a mess really... hell, I can barely cook. How would he be able to survive me? But I've seen some of him that he thinks I'd be unable to tolerate, and I've survived, ne?
Then he won't let me stick to one of my convictions (given, it's not a big one): I'm not pretty. I'm about 10-15 pounds over my ideal weight (I'm 131 as of this morning, and I want to get down to 120-122, because that's the weight a girl my age and height should ideally be). I don't care about dressing up or make up (see my dilemma? I don't really date so it's a new one for me to have to dress up to go out). I've been known to literally tie my own hair into a knot to get it off my neck so I can cool down when I don't want to get a hair holder (just did that, in fact). How can someone like me, who could care less about looks, be pretty? But no, he says I've got a rockin' bod and a nice ass (which makes me blush, because it's kinda unnerving to have anyone pay attention to my ass, maybe because my perverted family gets a kick out of teasing me about it- they say I have a good ass too, but I DON'T SEE IT! I DON'T THINK I EVEN HAVE AN ASS! Or much of one, anyway...) and I'm not allowed to disagree. Well, that'd be all fine and good... if I wasn't an independent woman who is allowed to have her own opinions. But vocally I don't disagree just to keep trouble down... I fear I'm starting on the wrong path already. Okay, I can accept that I'm not pretty- I came to terms with it a long time ago and I don't want to be lied to on that. But no, he brings up the fact that he's seen me in the morning after all-night parties before and I still looked good to him. Well, that's to him. Me and the rest of the world, we can disagree on that. I'm no Heidi Klum, or Brooke Shields, that's for sure. But at least I'm not one of those toothpicks who think being a size zero is all the world needs to get along. Besides, I won't let him say he's stupid or ugly- I don't date morons, and the looks he's got... hell, he is a damn sexy gamer, let me tell you that. -wink- I got lucky on this one. But I gotta wonder- did he get the same deal here?
Well, this has actually been rather cathartic. But it's way past my bedtime now, so... Ciao!
-Get cancer!
-Zexion, be nice!
-Get cancer, please?
The Ansem Retort, unsure of what comic. Funny as hell though, and one Gaji wants to reenact just for kicks around some of our friends who read that. XD Which I believe currently consists of Kimmy. Maybe Lacus.