tHe StArS sHiNe At NiGhT.....
Loves a crazy thing...and I don't care how many people think I'm too young to know I bet you I've suffered a hell of a lot more than you maybe not everyone but considering I'm only 14 I've suffered a lot more than you did when you were 14...damn you know this whole shit sucks..I'm not depressed..but I'm not happy either...I have awesome friends who are always there for me..thanks for that...but damn its gonna be 2 yrs now...of nothing but heartache...of keeping it all in...and you know what..I would have no regrets if it was all worth it in the end..but I have a feeling its not going to be..just ignoring it never ever works..damnit..cause it always comes back to haunt you..oh well I guess just live with this til its over..shit i though it was over a year ago..but I guess I was wrong..I havent talked to him in awhile haha i don't think I've talked to him in august period..but honestly its been good..not happy or sad..cause when i talk to him.see him..hear him..I can't help but smile...yet when we argue..when he says all those mean things I can't hold my tears back...so its when I'm happiest but other times when i'm just the worst...damm this whole thing to hell I've always though to myself so this is my first love..so this is what it feels like huh...well I enjoyed it for what its worth but now its over...moving on seems like the only option..but dammm when I became an optimistic person..cause I still have hope...talking to him..having him look me in the eyes..and smile...I would give up everything just to see him give me one of those smiles...it all gives me hope..even when I know there isn't any...at least not for us..its never going to be more than just friends..just friends...its so easy to just say that isn't it? but to be just friends both of you have to have 'just friends' feelings for each other..and thats usually not the case..one person always ends up hurt...and its always been me...I need to seriously leave imperial damnit cause the only thing this damn place has brought me is pain..and I'm through with it..I just want to forget him..yeah some say i should tell him..but hell..its pointless...but since I'm stuck here..i am going to tell..even if it means losing our friendship..that bond that we have..because to move on I have to come out with the truth and I will and just move on after he knows..who knows..maybe it'll turn out even better...but thats two years of my life..wasted...down the damn drain...over one guy...wasted 2 years of my life on a guy..how pathetic is that..I am such a loser...but I guess thats how it goes...
-Jennifer