The world revives, Colors renew, but I know Blue- only blue.
Lonely Blue. within me blue....
I've been out of sorts. As a matter of fact, I've been downright peckish lately.
I think alot of it has to do with Marion's new hours. As a result of his promotion, I'm usually alone for 3 hours every night after I get out of work...and because of the new medication the doctor gave me, I'm very tired and groggy in the mornings. So, there's been a drastic reduction in the amount of quality time we spend together. So we're both lonely and cranky.
Michael has this forum, thing. He's an administrator for this online newsgroup style thing. He's pretty proud of it. I joined not too long ago, just to keep up with his life. How childish is this? Yesterday, there was very little to do in the morning hours at work....feeling crabby and self-righteous, I made it my personal mission to go and pick fights with every intellectual-snob and idiot teenager available. It was entertaining for a while, serving it's prupose nicely...then crap happened at work, and I slid into "everybody's out to get me" mode. Michael called me when he got a moment to read my posts and he was all like "...uh..."
oops. Sorry kid.
So then I felt like and embarrassment, and I felt like I'd dissapointed him because I promised I'd take him shopping for his girlfriend's birthday present. I told him I'd take him when the weather calmed down. Then Marion called and told me not to go anywhere because there were tornado warnings. So I had to dissapoint Michael, and feel like shit about it. So then, in my crappy mood, I deduced that I was being controlled by my spouse.
Then Marion came home, and I knew he might be a little sensetive about me making a new male friend. So I tried to have a talk with him about it to make sure I wouldn't be doing anything to make him uncomfortable. He was uncomfortable and a little suspicous. Not about me, but about Bryan's intentions...since he doesn't know Bryan at all. I was defensive....but then he reminded me that if our situations were reversed, I'd be handling it alot worse than he was.
He was right. Then I felt neurotic. In retrospect, I'm realizing he was really quite gentle and calm about the whole thing. Just telling me "Beth, I'm not going to dictate what you do, but you asked and I'm nervous." Then I felt worse.
ugh. I'm kind of a crappy person right now
I've been out of sorts. As a matter of fact, I've been downright peckish lately.
I think alot of it has to do with Marion's new hours. As a result of his promotion, I'm usually alone for 3 hours every night after I get out of work...and because of the new medication the doctor gave me, I'm very tired and groggy in the mornings. So, there's been a drastic reduction in the amount of quality time we spend together. So we're both lonely and cranky.
Michael has this forum, thing. He's an administrator for this online newsgroup style thing. He's pretty proud of it. I joined not too long ago, just to keep up with his life. How childish is this? Yesterday, there was very little to do in the morning hours at work....feeling crabby and self-righteous, I made it my personal mission to go and pick fights with every intellectual-snob and idiot teenager available. It was entertaining for a while, serving it's prupose nicely...then crap happened at work, and I slid into "everybody's out to get me" mode. Michael called me when he got a moment to read my posts and he was all like "...uh..."
oops. Sorry kid.
So then I felt like and embarrassment, and I felt like I'd dissapointed him because I promised I'd take him shopping for his girlfriend's birthday present. I told him I'd take him when the weather calmed down. Then Marion called and told me not to go anywhere because there were tornado warnings. So I had to dissapoint Michael, and feel like shit about it. So then, in my crappy mood, I deduced that I was being controlled by my spouse.
Then Marion came home, and I knew he might be a little sensetive about me making a new male friend. So I tried to have a talk with him about it to make sure I wouldn't be doing anything to make him uncomfortable. He was uncomfortable and a little suspicous. Not about me, but about Bryan's intentions...since he doesn't know Bryan at all. I was defensive....but then he reminded me that if our situations were reversed, I'd be handling it alot worse than he was.
He was right. Then I felt neurotic. In retrospect, I'm realizing he was really quite gentle and calm about the whole thing. Just telling me "Beth, I'm not going to dictate what you do, but you asked and I'm nervous." Then I felt worse.
ugh. I'm kind of a crappy person right now