lost puppy
lately the saddest thing is to watch sam stand on our porch shouting "major...maaaaajorrrrrrrr. major come home!" the last time our dog went missing it turned out to be this fluke miss understanding thing with his old owners. but this time it really seems real, like he is gone. i automatically scan the sides of the roads as a drive, no matter where i am, hoping i see the gangly black dog running alongside of the road, like i did before late one night. i feel bad for him, i mean what if he's starving or cought up on a branch or even been hit by a car somewhere. i seem to always see the worst in situations at first and then let myself ease into seeing the good. and i don't mean to, because i know that's a horrible way to think; to freak out in your head. but mostly i just feel bad for sam, because he still thinks he might be coming home, which is still i guess, possible. just not completely probable. i washed his footprints off the hood of my car this evening. i dreamt last night that we found a beagle on the side of the road, he'd been hit by a car, a pile of fur and bones lying in the summer's grass, once breathing, with blood running through his veins, and a man picked him up and tossed him into the cornfield, like it was nothing. and i just stood there crying. i woke up clinging to my blankets and my fingers cramped becasue i'd been holding so tightly. i don't know why, but this has really kinda been getting to me.
p.s. my camera is broken.
p.p.s. bunny pooped on my fucking sheets and i'm procrastinating going upstairs and dealing with it. groooosssssss.