what is my PROBLEM today?
Also a bad idea: listening to The Last Five Years at work.
Triply bad: listening to "Nobody Needs To Know" for the first time in probably a year and a half. I've refused to listen to it for such a long time-- I'd make people skip it if we were listening to it in the car. I feel like my bones go cold and it always makes me cry. It just... hurts to hear. It hurts like I hurt a couple years ago. (Was it almost two now? Sometimes it doesn't seem that long.)
The way he talks about going into "battle" with Cathy and that he has to put on his armor and the way he talks about how she invades him when he just needs a little space... and the lengths he goes to so he can get away from her need to be near him... it's just too familiar. That Cathy loves him so much and so close that she drives him away and she can't understand how it failed... it's just so familiar. And then the repetition from "Shiksa Goddess" at the end of the song, using almost the same words to Elise that he used to Cathy when he first met her... God.
That Jamie's success hurts Cathy and that she hates that it does, that he is constantly leaving her behind because he can't see that it hurts her... his desperation to have a career and reach his own potential... his inability to see why she can't do the same... her jealousy and frustration, his apathy... and through it all they still try so hard to love each other. It's just Jamie that gives up first.
Now we all see why this musical is important to me, I guess.
Not a good day to brave that fear-- what was I even thinking?
This show is going to be so hard if we end up doing it. It's going to be so amazing, but so difficult. I'm going to have to revisit a lot of old hurts.
JAMIE:
Hey, kid - good morning
You look like an angel
I don't remember when we fell asleep
We should get up, kid
Cathy is waiting...
Look at us, lying here
Dreaming, pretending
I made a promise and I took a vow
I wrote a story
And we changed the ending
Cathy, just look at me now!
Hold on, facts are facts
Just relax, lay low
All right, the panic recedes:
Nobody needs to know
Put on my armor
I'm off to Ohio
Back into battle till
I don't know when
Swearing to her
That I never was with you
And praying I'll hold you again
Hold on, clip these wings -
Things get out of hand
All right, it's over, it's done
No one will understand
No one will understand...
We build a treehouse
I keep it from shaking
Little more glue every time that it breaks
Perfectly balanced
And then I start making
Conscious, deliberate mistakes
All that I ask for
Is one little corner
One private room
At the back of my heart
Tell her I found one
She sends out battalions
To claim it and blow it apart
I grip and she grips
And faster we're sliding
Sliding and spilling
And what can I do?
Come back to bed, kid
Take me inside you
I promise I won't lie to you
Hold on, don't cry yet
I won't let you go
All right - the panic recedes
All right - everyone bleeds
All right - I get what I need
And nobody needs to know
Nobody needs to know
And since I have to be in love with someone
Since I need to be in love with someone
Maybe I could be in love with someone
Like you...
Triply bad: listening to "Nobody Needs To Know" for the first time in probably a year and a half. I've refused to listen to it for such a long time-- I'd make people skip it if we were listening to it in the car. I feel like my bones go cold and it always makes me cry. It just... hurts to hear. It hurts like I hurt a couple years ago. (Was it almost two now? Sometimes it doesn't seem that long.)
The way he talks about going into "battle" with Cathy and that he has to put on his armor and the way he talks about how she invades him when he just needs a little space... and the lengths he goes to so he can get away from her need to be near him... it's just too familiar. That Cathy loves him so much and so close that she drives him away and she can't understand how it failed... it's just so familiar. And then the repetition from "Shiksa Goddess" at the end of the song, using almost the same words to Elise that he used to Cathy when he first met her... God.
That Jamie's success hurts Cathy and that she hates that it does, that he is constantly leaving her behind because he can't see that it hurts her... his desperation to have a career and reach his own potential... his inability to see why she can't do the same... her jealousy and frustration, his apathy... and through it all they still try so hard to love each other. It's just Jamie that gives up first.
Now we all see why this musical is important to me, I guess.
Not a good day to brave that fear-- what was I even thinking?
This show is going to be so hard if we end up doing it. It's going to be so amazing, but so difficult. I'm going to have to revisit a lot of old hurts.
JAMIE:
Hey, kid - good morning
You look like an angel
I don't remember when we fell asleep
We should get up, kid
Cathy is waiting...
Look at us, lying here
Dreaming, pretending
I made a promise and I took a vow
I wrote a story
And we changed the ending
Cathy, just look at me now!
Hold on, facts are facts
Just relax, lay low
All right, the panic recedes:
Nobody needs to know
Put on my armor
I'm off to Ohio
Back into battle till
I don't know when
Swearing to her
That I never was with you
And praying I'll hold you again
Hold on, clip these wings -
Things get out of hand
All right, it's over, it's done
No one will understand
No one will understand...
We build a treehouse
I keep it from shaking
Little more glue every time that it breaks
Perfectly balanced
And then I start making
Conscious, deliberate mistakes
All that I ask for
Is one little corner
One private room
At the back of my heart
Tell her I found one
She sends out battalions
To claim it and blow it apart
I grip and she grips
And faster we're sliding
Sliding and spilling
And what can I do?
Come back to bed, kid
Take me inside you
I promise I won't lie to you
Hold on, don't cry yet
I won't let you go
All right - the panic recedes
All right - everyone bleeds
All right - I get what I need
And nobody needs to know
Nobody needs to know
And since I have to be in love with someone
Since I need to be in love with someone
Maybe I could be in love with someone
Like you...