(no subject)
I wrote a few entries back about how I'd like to be able to learn and take classes for my own personal benefit. To take a class that I know I will get something out of, even if it doesn't fit in with my requirements.
But I think I was surprised to realize tonight that even though I am taking classes which do fit my major, I am still bettering myself and becoming more educated, which makes me a little more satisfied with the $20,000 a year I spend on college (approximately).
I'm currently taking American Lit, and if you know me at all, you know I love to read, but I hate to read things that do not interest me in the least. However, already this class is encouraging me to think and expand on ideas that the authors put forth. It's just a nice feeling to leave class and feel like I am better for having read a certain text. And, of course, they are texts that I wouldn't have read had I not been forced to.
I just finished reading part of Benjamin Franklin's "Autobiography".
Actually, it's funny because I had kind of forgot who Ben Franklin was (yeah, I'm embarrassed), and I was in another DZ's room at the time, and decided I would ask her.
"Hey, who is Ben Franklin again.. Didn't he invent the lightbulb or something?"
"Umm.. no, that was Thomas Edison."
"Oh yeah! Ha"
So anyway, once I got past that minor detail, I started reading and it was terrible. Just really boring and hard to follow and I wanted to roll over and take a nap. But I forced myself through it and eventually got to a part that was interesting.
Franklin apparently strived to achieve a "perfect" life, or to be completely virtuous. He even went so far as to write down 13 virtues and what they entailed, and then made a chart that he could follow. Every week he worked on one virtue, and put dots beside the other ones he messed up on. So basically he would perfect one, then move on to the next, and slowly over the course of the 13 weeks, he had improved himself greatly. And then he just repeated that cycle. And he also mentioned that even though he never did become perfect, he was still a better person for having tried, than if he had not tried at all.
So I was reading that and an idea occurred to me. It's completely different and doesn't have to do with becoming perfect or whatever, but it uses kind of the same theory/method, and I thought that maybe I could apply that to a certain something in my life that bothers me on a regular basis. And maybe it's a stupid idea, and sounds better in my head than on paper, but it's something that I might write out and attempt. I won't really go in detail now because if this plan fails, as most of mine do because I have a hard time following through with projects.. then I don't want to have to deal with anything. But I'm going to expand on it and see what happens and maybe there will be an off chance that it will work for me, and will be something that other people might be able to benefit from as well.
But I just thought it was cool that there I was reading something that I didn't exactly want to read, but that I gained insight from in the long run. If anything, it made me feel creative for a minute of my life.
Sometimes I worry that I'm not creative and original enough. When I was younger, I was very artistic and always had great ideas, and did the best art projects, etc. My parents were always showing my classwork off to someone. But I feel like as I've gotten older, I've lost most of that. Rarely do I speak up in class, mainly because I rarely come up with original ideas. And when I do, someone else speaks them before I get the chance/courage. So generally in my life, I struggle with feeling like I'm not as smart or creative as I once was. (Clearly, I'm a lot more intelligent than I was at 9 years old, in that sense.. but as for being smarter than most people my age, or being more creative, I feel I'm lacking that.)
Ultimately, I want to help people and make a difference in the world. I set the bar high for myself, and sometimes I feel like I might never achieve it to the extent that I aspire to.. And I guess I feel like the only true way to do that is to do something no one else has ever done. Or something that is rare. I dream of coming up with some facility, or invention, or idea that will have an impact somewhere, on someone. And feeling like I'm not creative or original gets in the way of that dream.
If you can't tell, I have very little confidence in my abilities, and on top of that, I believe in self-fulfilling prophecies. So part of me feels like I need to fix that or else I will undoubtedly fail in life.
It's definitely something that I would like to change about myself while I'm still young enough and able to do so.
<3333333333333333333
KAS.
But I think I was surprised to realize tonight that even though I am taking classes which do fit my major, I am still bettering myself and becoming more educated, which makes me a little more satisfied with the $20,000 a year I spend on college (approximately).
I'm currently taking American Lit, and if you know me at all, you know I love to read, but I hate to read things that do not interest me in the least. However, already this class is encouraging me to think and expand on ideas that the authors put forth. It's just a nice feeling to leave class and feel like I am better for having read a certain text. And, of course, they are texts that I wouldn't have read had I not been forced to.
I just finished reading part of Benjamin Franklin's "Autobiography".
Actually, it's funny because I had kind of forgot who Ben Franklin was (yeah, I'm embarrassed), and I was in another DZ's room at the time, and decided I would ask her.
"Hey, who is Ben Franklin again.. Didn't he invent the lightbulb or something?"
"Umm.. no, that was Thomas Edison."
"Oh yeah! Ha"
So anyway, once I got past that minor detail, I started reading and it was terrible. Just really boring and hard to follow and I wanted to roll over and take a nap. But I forced myself through it and eventually got to a part that was interesting.
Franklin apparently strived to achieve a "perfect" life, or to be completely virtuous. He even went so far as to write down 13 virtues and what they entailed, and then made a chart that he could follow. Every week he worked on one virtue, and put dots beside the other ones he messed up on. So basically he would perfect one, then move on to the next, and slowly over the course of the 13 weeks, he had improved himself greatly. And then he just repeated that cycle. And he also mentioned that even though he never did become perfect, he was still a better person for having tried, than if he had not tried at all.
So I was reading that and an idea occurred to me. It's completely different and doesn't have to do with becoming perfect or whatever, but it uses kind of the same theory/method, and I thought that maybe I could apply that to a certain something in my life that bothers me on a regular basis. And maybe it's a stupid idea, and sounds better in my head than on paper, but it's something that I might write out and attempt. I won't really go in detail now because if this plan fails, as most of mine do because I have a hard time following through with projects.. then I don't want to have to deal with anything. But I'm going to expand on it and see what happens and maybe there will be an off chance that it will work for me, and will be something that other people might be able to benefit from as well.
But I just thought it was cool that there I was reading something that I didn't exactly want to read, but that I gained insight from in the long run. If anything, it made me feel creative for a minute of my life.
Sometimes I worry that I'm not creative and original enough. When I was younger, I was very artistic and always had great ideas, and did the best art projects, etc. My parents were always showing my classwork off to someone. But I feel like as I've gotten older, I've lost most of that. Rarely do I speak up in class, mainly because I rarely come up with original ideas. And when I do, someone else speaks them before I get the chance/courage. So generally in my life, I struggle with feeling like I'm not as smart or creative as I once was. (Clearly, I'm a lot more intelligent than I was at 9 years old, in that sense.. but as for being smarter than most people my age, or being more creative, I feel I'm lacking that.)
Ultimately, I want to help people and make a difference in the world. I set the bar high for myself, and sometimes I feel like I might never achieve it to the extent that I aspire to.. And I guess I feel like the only true way to do that is to do something no one else has ever done. Or something that is rare. I dream of coming up with some facility, or invention, or idea that will have an impact somewhere, on someone. And feeling like I'm not creative or original gets in the way of that dream.
If you can't tell, I have very little confidence in my abilities, and on top of that, I believe in self-fulfilling prophecies. So part of me feels like I need to fix that or else I will undoubtedly fail in life.
It's definitely something that I would like to change about myself while I'm still young enough and able to do so.
<3333333333333333333
KAS.