(no subject)
I have a lot on my mind tonight.
We've had rush this whole week and tomorrow is the last round, or "pref round". Basically, the top girls that we've picked will come to our pref ceremony, but most of them will be going to a couple other sororities' ceremonies as well. But the whole point of this round is that instead of the new girls trying to win us over.. we have to win them over.
After this week, DZ means so much to me. Not that it didn't before.. It's just all becoming more clear how big of an impact it has had on my college experience.
Tomorrow morning we get the choice of "preffing" a girl. We pick a girl who we've talked to before and that we really liked, and basically sell DZ to her. Now, the downside to that is that there is SO much pressure on you. If the girl doesn't pick your sorority, you're partially to blame. Granted, some of them know ahead of time which one they want, and you have no control over that.. But if they're torn between 2 or 3 (which most of them are), then it comes down to who says the right thing and who makes her feel the most comfortable.
I'm debating whether or not to do that. I feel, more than ever, that I could express exactly how much Delta Zeta means to me.. But I'm afraid I won't convey it the way I want to, or that I'll get really attached to my girl and be upset if she doesn't choose us.
Ugh.
And there's so much more pressure because DZ is still new on campus. We don't have much of a reputation, but from what we hear, it's that we're very real, genuine girls.. and we'd like to keep that going. My pledge class was awesome.. and, being a new sorority, it is important to get another strong pledge class.
I just hope we get good girls. So bad.
Cute, fun, real girls.
I am probably going to cry in the ceremony tomorrow. Seriously. I was tearing up during the practices, and we weren't even in our dresses or anything.. So I can't imagine what the real thing will be like. And then I'm going to just be embarrassed. I hate that crying makes me feel weak. It's a sign of raw emotion and I should be ok with that but I'm not. It's not like I'm a senior and it's my last pref round and that's why it's important.. That would be a good reason for getting upset. But for me it's just the simple act of looking around the room at 100+ amazing girls who are so unique in their own ways, and who have affected me without realizing it. Girls who make me smile every single day, and who make me feel welcome when I'm far from home and the friends that I know.
It's difficult to try and express that to someone who hasn't felt it for herself.
I think I let my emotions get carried away. And usually I like that. It's the reason that I read, and the reason that I watch movies, and just the reason I live. I live to feel everything. I read books because they put me in another world and I feel like I'm there. I AM that character. I feel their pain, or their happiness. That's why they affect me the way that they do. That's why I watch movies, and that's why I hate when people talk during them. Especially during cheezy love flicks. I am just THERE. I am in that moment, and you don't want someone talking beside you to ruin your perfect moment. Maybe that's stupid. But it's like I just feed off of other people's experiences. It makes me forget about my own, in a good way. Or it somehow helps me with my own situations in life.
And that's why little things can make me cry. Because they feel REAL to me. It's like I can step out of my body and out of the physical world and just let my thoughts and emotions go.
Or maybe I just find the emotions in everything. Like maybe they just aren't really there but I dig them up.. I give meaning to things that would otherwise do nothing for me. It's how I get by.
I have to go to bed because I have to get up and shower and eat by 6:30. At 6:00 am we get the list of girls coming through tomorrow, and I have to decide if I want to take a girl or not. It's one of those things that I know I'll regret doing if I don't do it.. And that is the exact reason why I decided to rush a sorority even though I was unsure about it. And I owe it to myself to follow that instinct again, so I more than likely will take a girl. I'm just scared. DZ means a lot to me, and I hope that she will be able to see that in the time that I'm with her.
<3333333333333333333333333333
kelly.
We've had rush this whole week and tomorrow is the last round, or "pref round". Basically, the top girls that we've picked will come to our pref ceremony, but most of them will be going to a couple other sororities' ceremonies as well. But the whole point of this round is that instead of the new girls trying to win us over.. we have to win them over.
After this week, DZ means so much to me. Not that it didn't before.. It's just all becoming more clear how big of an impact it has had on my college experience.
Tomorrow morning we get the choice of "preffing" a girl. We pick a girl who we've talked to before and that we really liked, and basically sell DZ to her. Now, the downside to that is that there is SO much pressure on you. If the girl doesn't pick your sorority, you're partially to blame. Granted, some of them know ahead of time which one they want, and you have no control over that.. But if they're torn between 2 or 3 (which most of them are), then it comes down to who says the right thing and who makes her feel the most comfortable.
I'm debating whether or not to do that. I feel, more than ever, that I could express exactly how much Delta Zeta means to me.. But I'm afraid I won't convey it the way I want to, or that I'll get really attached to my girl and be upset if she doesn't choose us.
Ugh.
And there's so much more pressure because DZ is still new on campus. We don't have much of a reputation, but from what we hear, it's that we're very real, genuine girls.. and we'd like to keep that going. My pledge class was awesome.. and, being a new sorority, it is important to get another strong pledge class.
I just hope we get good girls. So bad.
Cute, fun, real girls.
I am probably going to cry in the ceremony tomorrow. Seriously. I was tearing up during the practices, and we weren't even in our dresses or anything.. So I can't imagine what the real thing will be like. And then I'm going to just be embarrassed. I hate that crying makes me feel weak. It's a sign of raw emotion and I should be ok with that but I'm not. It's not like I'm a senior and it's my last pref round and that's why it's important.. That would be a good reason for getting upset. But for me it's just the simple act of looking around the room at 100+ amazing girls who are so unique in their own ways, and who have affected me without realizing it. Girls who make me smile every single day, and who make me feel welcome when I'm far from home and the friends that I know.
It's difficult to try and express that to someone who hasn't felt it for herself.
I think I let my emotions get carried away. And usually I like that. It's the reason that I read, and the reason that I watch movies, and just the reason I live. I live to feel everything. I read books because they put me in another world and I feel like I'm there. I AM that character. I feel their pain, or their happiness. That's why they affect me the way that they do. That's why I watch movies, and that's why I hate when people talk during them. Especially during cheezy love flicks. I am just THERE. I am in that moment, and you don't want someone talking beside you to ruin your perfect moment. Maybe that's stupid. But it's like I just feed off of other people's experiences. It makes me forget about my own, in a good way. Or it somehow helps me with my own situations in life.
And that's why little things can make me cry. Because they feel REAL to me. It's like I can step out of my body and out of the physical world and just let my thoughts and emotions go.
Or maybe I just find the emotions in everything. Like maybe they just aren't really there but I dig them up.. I give meaning to things that would otherwise do nothing for me. It's how I get by.
I have to go to bed because I have to get up and shower and eat by 6:30. At 6:00 am we get the list of girls coming through tomorrow, and I have to decide if I want to take a girl or not. It's one of those things that I know I'll regret doing if I don't do it.. And that is the exact reason why I decided to rush a sorority even though I was unsure about it. And I owe it to myself to follow that instinct again, so I more than likely will take a girl. I'm just scared. DZ means a lot to me, and I hope that she will be able to see that in the time that I'm with her.
<3333333333333333333333333333
kelly.