(no subject)
So I want to buy an iPod, and it's all I can think about. Sad? Yes. But seriously I can't make up my mind and it's this huge decision for me and I have like 48 hours to decide, because if I'm going to buy it, I want to do it this week.
Why should I buy one?
Because music is honestly my life. It is something I value greatly and I don't get enough of it. I had an iPod before.. but it was the old one.. and I was an idiot, and basically didn't take care of mine and the hard drive went bad somehow, I don't know if that part was my fault or not, but I let it get scratched up n stuff.. Anyway so I had one. And I know how amazing they are. Now, I don't think that they're for everybody.. but for people who rely on music for everything, like me, they are the best thing ever. I listen to music when I work out, when I travel, when I ride in my car (I don't have a CD player and the radio gets old), when I fall asleep, even sometimes when I'm eating. If I have a choice to have music on while I'm doing something, or to not have it on, I will almost always choose music over quiet. So it would be put to great use.
Also, excuse my language, but I've worked my fucking ass off this summer. I would like something to show for it. Yeah, concerts are sweet, but all they really are is good music and good times for one night which make for some great memories. You can't physically hold that in your hands and admire it, as you can with an iPod or something else.
I've saved up more this summer than I ever have in my life, and in the meantime, I have paid back half of the money I owe to my Grandma for my spring break trip. So I'd have a ton more if it weren't for that.
Why shouldn't I buy one?
What if I didn't learn my lesson last time? It's a true fact that I take shitty care of things sometimes. So maybe it will break again. I also heard that Apple is coming out with a new iPod soon anyway. So should I wait?
And just because I've saved up tons of money doesn't mean I can just go spending it all. Plus I still have sorority stuff to pay for, and I have to get my car inspected, and the school year is coming up..
I don't know. Honestly, I don't think I've ever wanted anything so bad. But there is this huge feeling of guilt that accompanies it. There is that part of me that wants to reward myself and feels as though I deserve it, and it angers me that I feel any guilt at all. It makes me wonder if I feel guilty because I know I shouldn't buy it, or if it's because my parents make me feel horrible anytime I spend my money on fun things.
And it just totally stresses me out.
Like if I buy one, should I buy the 30GB or the 60GB? And should I buy the warranty, in case it does break?
Damnit.
In other news..
There is a Mexican at work who is in love with me. Last week he left me a rose on my car. He also gave me a Mexican CD. It has been an ongoing joke with my co-workers and my bosses, but everyone is kind of beginning to see that it isn't really a joke anymore, that it's serious, and it isn't something to laugh about. Not because I'm scared he might do something.. he is the sweetest guy ever. But because he really is in love with me, and you shouldn't make jokes when someone cares about you like that.
So anyway. He said he couldn't tell me how he feels because I make him nervous.. so I told him to write me a letter. And he did. He gave it to me today.
It honestly breaks my heart to read. I've never had someone write things like this. He talks about how he's my number one fan, and I'm the first woman in 5 years to move his world and his feelings and his heart.. The one line that makes me the saddest is when he says "I know maybe you think I'm 'just a little cook' or 'one more wetback' and that I don't have dreams, illusions, objectives.." I think what makes me the saddest is that there are people out there who would think that. And that before I worked at this restaurant and got to know any Mexicans, maybe I would have thought that.
But, God, just the way he talks in the letter. He literally poured out his heart. And he folded it up all cute like we did back in middle school. And put a little smily face stick figure in there.. and dated it (it was 3 days ago). And he gave me his phone number twice.
I don't know what to tell him. I'm going to write him back, but I don't really know what to say, you know? I just feel like nothing that I say is going to be good enough because it isn't what he wants to hear.
Why is my life so weird and crazy?
Please, someone explain it.
I think I might sleep great after all. My emotions and my thoughts are drained.
<3333333333333333333333333333333
kelly.
Why should I buy one?
Because music is honestly my life. It is something I value greatly and I don't get enough of it. I had an iPod before.. but it was the old one.. and I was an idiot, and basically didn't take care of mine and the hard drive went bad somehow, I don't know if that part was my fault or not, but I let it get scratched up n stuff.. Anyway so I had one. And I know how amazing they are. Now, I don't think that they're for everybody.. but for people who rely on music for everything, like me, they are the best thing ever. I listen to music when I work out, when I travel, when I ride in my car (I don't have a CD player and the radio gets old), when I fall asleep, even sometimes when I'm eating. If I have a choice to have music on while I'm doing something, or to not have it on, I will almost always choose music over quiet. So it would be put to great use.
Also, excuse my language, but I've worked my fucking ass off this summer. I would like something to show for it. Yeah, concerts are sweet, but all they really are is good music and good times for one night which make for some great memories. You can't physically hold that in your hands and admire it, as you can with an iPod or something else.
I've saved up more this summer than I ever have in my life, and in the meantime, I have paid back half of the money I owe to my Grandma for my spring break trip. So I'd have a ton more if it weren't for that.
Why shouldn't I buy one?
What if I didn't learn my lesson last time? It's a true fact that I take shitty care of things sometimes. So maybe it will break again. I also heard that Apple is coming out with a new iPod soon anyway. So should I wait?
And just because I've saved up tons of money doesn't mean I can just go spending it all. Plus I still have sorority stuff to pay for, and I have to get my car inspected, and the school year is coming up..
I don't know. Honestly, I don't think I've ever wanted anything so bad. But there is this huge feeling of guilt that accompanies it. There is that part of me that wants to reward myself and feels as though I deserve it, and it angers me that I feel any guilt at all. It makes me wonder if I feel guilty because I know I shouldn't buy it, or if it's because my parents make me feel horrible anytime I spend my money on fun things.
And it just totally stresses me out.
Like if I buy one, should I buy the 30GB or the 60GB? And should I buy the warranty, in case it does break?
Damnit.
In other news..
There is a Mexican at work who is in love with me. Last week he left me a rose on my car. He also gave me a Mexican CD. It has been an ongoing joke with my co-workers and my bosses, but everyone is kind of beginning to see that it isn't really a joke anymore, that it's serious, and it isn't something to laugh about. Not because I'm scared he might do something.. he is the sweetest guy ever. But because he really is in love with me, and you shouldn't make jokes when someone cares about you like that.
So anyway. He said he couldn't tell me how he feels because I make him nervous.. so I told him to write me a letter. And he did. He gave it to me today.
It honestly breaks my heart to read. I've never had someone write things like this. He talks about how he's my number one fan, and I'm the first woman in 5 years to move his world and his feelings and his heart.. The one line that makes me the saddest is when he says "I know maybe you think I'm 'just a little cook' or 'one more wetback' and that I don't have dreams, illusions, objectives.." I think what makes me the saddest is that there are people out there who would think that. And that before I worked at this restaurant and got to know any Mexicans, maybe I would have thought that.
But, God, just the way he talks in the letter. He literally poured out his heart. And he folded it up all cute like we did back in middle school. And put a little smily face stick figure in there.. and dated it (it was 3 days ago). And he gave me his phone number twice.
I don't know what to tell him. I'm going to write him back, but I don't really know what to say, you know? I just feel like nothing that I say is going to be good enough because it isn't what he wants to hear.
Why is my life so weird and crazy?
Please, someone explain it.
I think I might sleep great after all. My emotions and my thoughts are drained.
<3333333333333333333333333333333
kelly.