sympathy for the martyr

[loveisdyingoff]

and the situations seem to worsen.
and i try my best to repress but all
that happens is i burst into tears in the
middle of public places. and i'm so afraid
of losing someone that i rely heavily on,
and i'm pretty sure hes not so afraid. because
what would he lose if he didn't have me?
nothing. and emotional, cynical, green eyed
monster, who can't control her temper in the
back of a speeding car. and everyone thinks that
i'm losing it, and i can't explain that i'm not,
its just something else. something bigger than
any of us, or our trivial problems, that seemed
to just get bigger with it. and i let all my friends
slip away, or i pushed them away, i'm not sure.
what am i left with, this shell of a person who
stopped eating and can't stop smoking or drinking
or crying and the boy that shes slowly letting herself
fall in love with, whos wonderful, but not wonderful for
her. why does she do this to herself? glutton for
punishment with a side of martyr complex.