(no subject)
I think I might have officially been taken off the market. It only took 11 months and being treated like shit for it to finally, or sorta finally, happen though!
And honestly, I couldn't be more happy or depressed at the same time.
The reason for happiness are the fact that I have been pining over him for months even through all his lame, erratic behavior, and it all worked out in the end. Thinking about everything that has happened since last Thursday always puts a big smile on my face and I get a little teary eyed. Its great to have someone care about you and want you.. again. He's been so sweet and unlike anything I have ever experienced from him before. I kinda knew he could be good in this manner but I really never told him that. But that is a different story for a different day.
I am depressed at the fact that I am worried how long its gonna last. The paranoia pisses me off. I am worried that he is gonna get back from war and be like "HAR HAR J/K get out of my life." It wasn't long ago he told me he didn't want me anymore. All the lies and bullshitting I have dealt with, I can't necessarily be too angry with myself for having doubts. He got to leave, I am the one having to deal with what I will still call his mistakes, regardless if he feels that way about them or not. I am gonna get fed up one night and going to explode on all of them. I have been ignoring those people mostly cos I am worried that I won't be able to control myself for much longer. I will be polite if they try to make contact with me but I will not go out of my way to keep a conversation going because it will only be so long before this cunt gets snarky.
I do want everything to be okay though. I really want him to be home. Its kinda bizarre to start up a relationship with someone who is leaving. He will be coming home soon though for Christmas. I will see him for a couple days, I am picking him up from Ft. Bragg.. then he is off to Texas, then back to Richmond for a couple days and then I have to send him off to war. And christ it is getting hard to deal with.. He said when he gets back the second time though we can prolly stay at the Jefferson Hotel on Main St. Its absolutely beautiful and the restaurant Lemaire's menu is phenomenal.. I get creepy about food sometimes... I have always wanted to stay in a nice hotel with him.. we almost did but it got all fucked up.
BTW TKK totally awesome. Fallout totally awesome. My life becoming more awesome.
And honestly, I couldn't be more happy or depressed at the same time.
The reason for happiness are the fact that I have been pining over him for months even through all his lame, erratic behavior, and it all worked out in the end. Thinking about everything that has happened since last Thursday always puts a big smile on my face and I get a little teary eyed. Its great to have someone care about you and want you.. again. He's been so sweet and unlike anything I have ever experienced from him before. I kinda knew he could be good in this manner but I really never told him that. But that is a different story for a different day.
I am depressed at the fact that I am worried how long its gonna last. The paranoia pisses me off. I am worried that he is gonna get back from war and be like "HAR HAR J/K get out of my life." It wasn't long ago he told me he didn't want me anymore. All the lies and bullshitting I have dealt with, I can't necessarily be too angry with myself for having doubts. He got to leave, I am the one having to deal with what I will still call his mistakes, regardless if he feels that way about them or not. I am gonna get fed up one night and going to explode on all of them. I have been ignoring those people mostly cos I am worried that I won't be able to control myself for much longer. I will be polite if they try to make contact with me but I will not go out of my way to keep a conversation going because it will only be so long before this cunt gets snarky.
I do want everything to be okay though. I really want him to be home. Its kinda bizarre to start up a relationship with someone who is leaving. He will be coming home soon though for Christmas. I will see him for a couple days, I am picking him up from Ft. Bragg.. then he is off to Texas, then back to Richmond for a couple days and then I have to send him off to war. And christ it is getting hard to deal with.. He said when he gets back the second time though we can prolly stay at the Jefferson Hotel on Main St. Its absolutely beautiful and the restaurant Lemaire's menu is phenomenal.. I get creepy about food sometimes... I have always wanted to stay in a nice hotel with him.. we almost did but it got all fucked up.
BTW TKK totally awesome. Fallout totally awesome. My life becoming more awesome.