...
***oh you get me ready in your 56 chevy. why don't we go sit down in the shade? take shelter on my front porch, the dandy lion sun scorching, like a glass of cold lemonade? i will do the laundry if you pay all the bills.
where is my john wayne? where is my prairie sun? where is my happy ending? where have all the cowboys gone?
why don't you stay the evening, kick back and watch the tv, and i'll fix a little somethin' to eat? oh i know your back hurts from working on the tractor, how do you take your coffee my sweet? i will raise the children if you pay all the bills.
i am wearing my new dress tonight. but you don't even notice me. say our goodbyes. say our goodbye.
we finally sold the chevy, when we had another baby, and you took that job in Tennessee. you made friends at the farm, and you joined them at the bar, almost every single day of the week. i will wash the dishes while you go have a beer.
where is my marlboro man? where is his shiny gun? where is my lonely ranger? where have all the cowboys gone?***
so, supposedly i'm in love. well, maybe my head is and my heart isn't. ask me why i love him, i couldn't begin to tell you, because i'd have to begin. and i can't. i really don't know how i am feeling about this relationship. i know i deserve so much more. and everyone keeps telling me that too. i like him, i really do. he is cute (when he wants to be), and smart (also, when he wants) and he cares about me A LOT. but in his current situation, i don't know if i can handle it. also, he has a vice that drives me crazy. i think he's an alcoholic. i didn't want to admit it before, but i can't hide it anymore. he's just not what i want, or need. i think the best description i can offer is he is like a scruffy little mutt that follows you home. you think it is so cute, and you feed it and get it clean, and love it. but it's always a scruffy little dog. it will go right back out and roll around in the dirt. and then it just becomes a mangy old mutt when you've had it for a while, and you love it only because you feel like you have to. and you just end up cleaning up it's poop for the rest of it's life. i think i am starting to feel that way. and i don't want to have to take care of an alcoholic man. i'm a little girl compared to him. and i don't want to lose that to him.
~ * * * ~
***carmen, i don't know, i don't know, i don't know, if i can go back. carmen, i'll never be, never be, never be the same again. carmen.
the way you set the table, the way you lean to tell me something soft, the way i can see into you, the way you tell me i talk too much about myself, it's true i talk too much about myself, but right now all i wanna talk about is you now
carmen, i don't know i don't know i don't know if i can go back, carmen i'll never be, never be, never be the same again. carmen.
i love the way you think. is it biological or all the acid you've eaten? just take me into your body. i wanna be drunk i wanna be high, i wanna be drunk i wanna be high on you.***
why do we fall in love with each other? human nature, i know, but it has to be something more than that. something in the back of your mind. love makes you feel like you are on top of the world, and you're invincible. and who doesn't want to feel like that? who doesn't want to love and be loved? maybe i crave that feeling so much, and that's why i feel like every person who shows me the slightest bit of affection, attention, or attraction, automatically is an object of my desire. maybe i'm in love with love, but not with the lover. i could name too many people that i have done this with, promising myself that it wasn't what i was doing, but in the end, that's all it was at all. make me high with love. i love the pot but not the dealer. how come that hurts so much?
~ * * * ~
***grey ceiling on the earth, well it's lasted for a while. take my thoughts for what they're worth, i've been acting like a child.
your opinion? what is that? it's just a different point of view.
so, what else, oh what else can i do? i said i'm sorry, and i'm sorry. i said i'm sorry, but what for? if i hurt you, then i hate myself. i don't wanna hate myself, don't wanna hurt you.
why do you choose your pain? if you only knew how much i love you. love you. i won't be your winter. i won't be anyone's excuse to cry. and we can be forgiven, and i will be here.
old picture on the shelf, well it's been there for a while. frozen image of ourselves. we were acting like a child. you read my eyes just like a diary. oh remember, please remember.
well, i'm not a begger, but once more, if i hurt you then i hate myself, i don't wanna hate myself. don't wanna hurt you.***
timothy, (i know you'll never read this, or maybe you will) this is for you. and to everyone else who says the same thing about this subject everytime i mention it. hold your tongues please. i can't take it anymore. timothy, you could never imagine how much i still love you. every phone call i get, i secretly wish it's you to tell me to come home. everytime i pass the places i used to see you, i hope to see you again, waiting for me. when i here the songs on the radio that we knew, i listen for your voice singing to me again. and when i see your picture on the shelf, i just want to run to you, and not stop until i get there, because i just want to be in your arms again, because that's where i felt the safest. where i felt the most loved. did you know that i hold everyone up to you, and you pale them all in comparison. i know i've said it a million times, but i am sorry for what i did to you. i will NEVER forgive myself. i know you say you have forgiven and forgotten, but i don't believe you. i can't do it, so i would never expect you to. but i am sorry. if i could go bakc in time and take back only one thing, it would be that. that was the BIGGEST mistake of my life. if i still had you, i know i would happy right now, not the sobbing mess i am. i've lost my heart, and my mind, since i lost you. facades are all i have to offer anymore. with you, everything was real. every emotion, every kiss, every tear, every embrace. i so long to have that back in my life, to have you back in my life. you saved it from destruction, and it will forever be yours, no matter what. i cannot forget you. every single day i feel empty, and that is where you go. my hands don't fit anyone else's, my arms don't go around anyone else's body quite right, my lips don't tingle for hours from other's kisses. i miss you.
***i miss you, miss you.
hello there, the angel from my nightmare, the shadow in the background of the morgue, the unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley. we can live like jack and sally if we want. where you can always find me, and we'll have halloween on christmas. and in the night we'll wish this never ends.
i miss you, miss you
where are you and i'm so sorry. i cannot sleep, i cannot dream tonight. i need somebody, and always this sick strange darkness comes creeping on so haunting every time . and as i stared i counted the webs from all the spiders, catching things and eating their insides. like indecision to call you and hear your voice of treason, will you come home and stop this pain tonight? stop this pain tonight.
don't waste your time on me. you're already the voice inside my head. i miss you, miss you.***
~ * * * ~
***the guy who put his hands on you, has got nothing to do with me. and the bruises that you feel will heal, and i hope you'll come around, cause we're missing you. and you used to speak so easy, now you're afraid to talk to me. it's like walking with the wounded, carrying that weight way too far. concrete pulled you down so hard, out there with the wounded. we're missing you. well I never claimed to understand what happens after dark. but my fingers catch the spark at the thought of touching you, when you're wounded.
well let me break it down till i force the issue. we miss your face, you know i wish you would come back down to the dalva bar. you tell 'em 'that's just my battle scar.' i wanna kiss you and knock em down like we used to, you're the marigold till you're walking down shaking that ass again. and then you walk on baby, walk on, on and on. you're an angel in the pit with her hands in the air, and we're missing you.
now it's fall and your shoulders get tighter, nervous flicks on your lighter, boots, your pissed off poets, your women's groups. and the friends with you we should've known this fool, well i guess we missed the mark. still my fingers catch the sparks at the thought of them touching you, and I go wounded
let me break it down till i force the issue. you never come around and you know we miss you. well nobody took your pride away, i said. that's something people say. back down the bully to the back of the bus, cause it's time for them to be scared of us. till you're yellin' how we livin' cause you got the ball then you rock on baby, rock on, on and on. you're a summer time hottie with your socks in the air. you're screamin' I don't care, baby I don't care NO!***
cassie. i love you.
where is my john wayne? where is my prairie sun? where is my happy ending? where have all the cowboys gone?
why don't you stay the evening, kick back and watch the tv, and i'll fix a little somethin' to eat? oh i know your back hurts from working on the tractor, how do you take your coffee my sweet? i will raise the children if you pay all the bills.
i am wearing my new dress tonight. but you don't even notice me. say our goodbyes. say our goodbye.
we finally sold the chevy, when we had another baby, and you took that job in Tennessee. you made friends at the farm, and you joined them at the bar, almost every single day of the week. i will wash the dishes while you go have a beer.
where is my marlboro man? where is his shiny gun? where is my lonely ranger? where have all the cowboys gone?***
so, supposedly i'm in love. well, maybe my head is and my heart isn't. ask me why i love him, i couldn't begin to tell you, because i'd have to begin. and i can't. i really don't know how i am feeling about this relationship. i know i deserve so much more. and everyone keeps telling me that too. i like him, i really do. he is cute (when he wants to be), and smart (also, when he wants) and he cares about me A LOT. but in his current situation, i don't know if i can handle it. also, he has a vice that drives me crazy. i think he's an alcoholic. i didn't want to admit it before, but i can't hide it anymore. he's just not what i want, or need. i think the best description i can offer is he is like a scruffy little mutt that follows you home. you think it is so cute, and you feed it and get it clean, and love it. but it's always a scruffy little dog. it will go right back out and roll around in the dirt. and then it just becomes a mangy old mutt when you've had it for a while, and you love it only because you feel like you have to. and you just end up cleaning up it's poop for the rest of it's life. i think i am starting to feel that way. and i don't want to have to take care of an alcoholic man. i'm a little girl compared to him. and i don't want to lose that to him.
~ * * * ~
***carmen, i don't know, i don't know, i don't know, if i can go back. carmen, i'll never be, never be, never be the same again. carmen.
the way you set the table, the way you lean to tell me something soft, the way i can see into you, the way you tell me i talk too much about myself, it's true i talk too much about myself, but right now all i wanna talk about is you now
carmen, i don't know i don't know i don't know if i can go back, carmen i'll never be, never be, never be the same again. carmen.
i love the way you think. is it biological or all the acid you've eaten? just take me into your body. i wanna be drunk i wanna be high, i wanna be drunk i wanna be high on you.***
why do we fall in love with each other? human nature, i know, but it has to be something more than that. something in the back of your mind. love makes you feel like you are on top of the world, and you're invincible. and who doesn't want to feel like that? who doesn't want to love and be loved? maybe i crave that feeling so much, and that's why i feel like every person who shows me the slightest bit of affection, attention, or attraction, automatically is an object of my desire. maybe i'm in love with love, but not with the lover. i could name too many people that i have done this with, promising myself that it wasn't what i was doing, but in the end, that's all it was at all. make me high with love. i love the pot but not the dealer. how come that hurts so much?
~ * * * ~
***grey ceiling on the earth, well it's lasted for a while. take my thoughts for what they're worth, i've been acting like a child.
your opinion? what is that? it's just a different point of view.
so, what else, oh what else can i do? i said i'm sorry, and i'm sorry. i said i'm sorry, but what for? if i hurt you, then i hate myself. i don't wanna hate myself, don't wanna hurt you.
why do you choose your pain? if you only knew how much i love you. love you. i won't be your winter. i won't be anyone's excuse to cry. and we can be forgiven, and i will be here.
old picture on the shelf, well it's been there for a while. frozen image of ourselves. we were acting like a child. you read my eyes just like a diary. oh remember, please remember.
well, i'm not a begger, but once more, if i hurt you then i hate myself, i don't wanna hate myself. don't wanna hurt you.***
timothy, (i know you'll never read this, or maybe you will) this is for you. and to everyone else who says the same thing about this subject everytime i mention it. hold your tongues please. i can't take it anymore. timothy, you could never imagine how much i still love you. every phone call i get, i secretly wish it's you to tell me to come home. everytime i pass the places i used to see you, i hope to see you again, waiting for me. when i here the songs on the radio that we knew, i listen for your voice singing to me again. and when i see your picture on the shelf, i just want to run to you, and not stop until i get there, because i just want to be in your arms again, because that's where i felt the safest. where i felt the most loved. did you know that i hold everyone up to you, and you pale them all in comparison. i know i've said it a million times, but i am sorry for what i did to you. i will NEVER forgive myself. i know you say you have forgiven and forgotten, but i don't believe you. i can't do it, so i would never expect you to. but i am sorry. if i could go bakc in time and take back only one thing, it would be that. that was the BIGGEST mistake of my life. if i still had you, i know i would happy right now, not the sobbing mess i am. i've lost my heart, and my mind, since i lost you. facades are all i have to offer anymore. with you, everything was real. every emotion, every kiss, every tear, every embrace. i so long to have that back in my life, to have you back in my life. you saved it from destruction, and it will forever be yours, no matter what. i cannot forget you. every single day i feel empty, and that is where you go. my hands don't fit anyone else's, my arms don't go around anyone else's body quite right, my lips don't tingle for hours from other's kisses. i miss you.
***i miss you, miss you.
hello there, the angel from my nightmare, the shadow in the background of the morgue, the unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley. we can live like jack and sally if we want. where you can always find me, and we'll have halloween on christmas. and in the night we'll wish this never ends.
i miss you, miss you
where are you and i'm so sorry. i cannot sleep, i cannot dream tonight. i need somebody, and always this sick strange darkness comes creeping on so haunting every time . and as i stared i counted the webs from all the spiders, catching things and eating their insides. like indecision to call you and hear your voice of treason, will you come home and stop this pain tonight? stop this pain tonight.
don't waste your time on me. you're already the voice inside my head. i miss you, miss you.***
~ * * * ~
***the guy who put his hands on you, has got nothing to do with me. and the bruises that you feel will heal, and i hope you'll come around, cause we're missing you. and you used to speak so easy, now you're afraid to talk to me. it's like walking with the wounded, carrying that weight way too far. concrete pulled you down so hard, out there with the wounded. we're missing you. well I never claimed to understand what happens after dark. but my fingers catch the spark at the thought of touching you, when you're wounded.
well let me break it down till i force the issue. we miss your face, you know i wish you would come back down to the dalva bar. you tell 'em 'that's just my battle scar.' i wanna kiss you and knock em down like we used to, you're the marigold till you're walking down shaking that ass again. and then you walk on baby, walk on, on and on. you're an angel in the pit with her hands in the air, and we're missing you.
now it's fall and your shoulders get tighter, nervous flicks on your lighter, boots, your pissed off poets, your women's groups. and the friends with you we should've known this fool, well i guess we missed the mark. still my fingers catch the sparks at the thought of them touching you, and I go wounded
let me break it down till i force the issue. you never come around and you know we miss you. well nobody took your pride away, i said. that's something people say. back down the bully to the back of the bus, cause it's time for them to be scared of us. till you're yellin' how we livin' cause you got the ball then you rock on baby, rock on, on and on. you're a summer time hottie with your socks in the air. you're screamin' I don't care, baby I don't care NO!***
cassie. i love you.