I won't forget...
honey, why are you calling me so late?
"Well my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye"
Listening to Hinder :-) thought I'd share.
It's not really the best music for a happy mindset.
Chopper (my dog) died today :'(
we had already decided a few days ago that we were going to put her to sleep..because one day we gave her a bath to cool her off and she couldn't even hold herself up..we didn't have to though, because she just curled up and went to sleep and passed away it's a relief in a way, I didn't want to put her to sleep but...it really was time for her to go. Look, dogs go to Heaven or they are reincarnated. If there is no dog Heaven, I'm not interested. Because Chopper had more soul than a lot of the humans I know.
..before I found out about Chopper I woke up early and got some things done, went to Janie's and laid out all day..we went and ate a salad at Pistol Petes (which is becoming a tradition on the days we lay out) and then I went into town for my interview at the Cannon. I really don't know how that went, as it's between me and another girl, and the manager told me that he has to give that girl a chance too before he can just hire me...and usually I kind of know that I'm going to get in a job but this situation is different because I don't think the Cannon wants to hire a lot younger servers, and Lyndsee already works there so, he may be looking for more of an established server. But I have experience and definitely know I'm capable. He's supposed to call me today so hopefully things work out. how embarrassing to not get hired for a job..lol
then I went to see my Mom at work since it was right there. My Mom works with the most hilarious women and I stayed in the nursery for awhile, before I left Ape told me about Chopper. It was sad :'(
then me and Janie ended up getting back together in Columbus. We walked around the strip mall just because we couldn't find anything to get into and I was kind of sad :'(
We split up. I went to Matt James' for a little while, he and Duffy cleaned their entire house, I was rather impressed...I left, called Janie, STILL nothing going on, so I came home.
so, i'm home.
When we were kids, we would always climb the tallest trees in town
We never thought about what would happen if we lost our footing on the 37th branch, and fell down to the ground
When we were kids, we would always like the cutest girls in town
We never thought about what would happen if we ended up with them, but one day, they left us for a man who was suited to their needs
I think both feelings are exactly the same as one another; especially when one considers that they both have a crippling effect on your brain, your heart, and your body
It's all the same in the end...
Well, now that we are grown, we can look back and laugh at just how dumb we always knew we were
But, there is a nervousness in our voices,
and its hard to miss
Now that we have shown a complete loss of faith in just how true we never knew we were, what would happen if we were honest with our hearts and tried to live for someone other than ourselves?…
I think that we are exactly that same as when we were little kids, the only difference is that we all have a crippling effect on our brains, our hearts, and our bodies, and we’re all the same in the end.
Go ahead, and tear my heart apart
We're all alone in the end
Farewell Flight- Cruel
10:38 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Lyndsee Alyse
Damn Sarah :(
Posted by Lyndsee Alyse on Saturday, June 03, 2006 at 8:29 PM
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talk about it somewhere only we know
Reason 128438409845895849 why I love Lyndsee Miles:
Late one night we were sitting in the parking lot of Outback in front of Petland, and Lyndsee said
"It makes me happy to think of puppies sleeping in there." :-)
makes me happy too. <3
Sometimes it makes me sad that there is no more Chopper to give my leftover food to. It's a little thing that I really miss, giving her food because she was a good girl :'(
My parents are out of town, they left the day I got back from Kansas City, so I haven't seen them in like two weeks and I'm just sad with no Chopper and no parents. I'm a little lonely.
I've been busy though, too. Tomorrow I have to go to CSU to take a math compass test :-/ and then I have to go straight to work..I'm going to Florida July 15th thru like the 18th to see my sister. It's Stans 7th birthday...lol and my sister is so cute and she planned a little birthday party for him. Please look at my future nephew.
he looks like a puppy. he has a big personality. I love him. and I miss my sister.
Summer
"There she was at last, hiding in plain view, Summer, and her belief that I'd find my way back to her was finally proving true, she said she felt completely at ease like a gauge reading zero. I wondered about that...I wondered if everything about us had been up to her all along.
Luckily tomorrow I will have company again..and Saturday me and Izzy are going to look for apartments :) So I have a lot to look forward to..I'm ready to live 10 minutes away from everything and decorate my apartment.
I guess I'm going to go clean up around the house a little bit <3
"I felt the earth beneath my feet
sat by the river and it made me complete
oh simple thing, where have you gone?
Im getting old and I need something to rely on
so tell me when you're gonna let me in?
I'm getting tired and i need somewhere to begin"
Saturday, July 01, 2006
"in the fight between my heart and mind, no one really wins this time"
"She is full of contrast, more alive and closer to death than anyone I've known, like a Johnny Cash song or some theatre star. She owns attitude and humor beyond her 19 years. When she tells me her story, she is humble and quiet and kind, shaped by the pain of a hundred lifetimes. "
"I would rather write her a song, because songs don't wait to resolve, and because songs mean so much to her. Stories wait for endings, but songs are brave things bold enough to sing when all they know is darkness. These words, like most words, will be written next to midnight, between hurricane and harbor, as both claim to save her. "
christianity
Put down your paper plate
come to the table made
deep blue china
found on the table by the wine
so fine
it brings out flavor
like you bring out color in life
oh, i miss you so
the feel of forever
oh, that taste i know
it hurts to remember
unfortunately high
ironically dissatisfied
i miss you
i miss you
oh, i miss You so
the feel of forever
oh, that taste i know
it hurts to remember
i had a fleeting thought this morning
and i mentioned you today
it breaks my heart just to know you in part
and not to be with you where you are
Shane and Shane
Monday, June 12, 2006
in my dream
"In my dream, the angel shrugged & said, If we fail this time, it will be a failure of imagination & then she placed the world gently in the palm of my hand."
Enlightenment of the Chromosome
Mocha is being really sweet right now :) she came up to me like she wanted attention, but really she just wanted to be near someone, and she's curled up beside me :)
well ladies and gentlemen, I am offically handicapped :-), and even have a handicapped LICENSE plate. It has been declared that I "cannot walk more than 200 feet without stopping to rest, during a pulmonary exacerbation"...which really isn't true. It's true in this heat MAYBE, but I ran two miles three days a week for my last 5 months in high school. Either way, it's nice to have the option to park where ever I'd like.
soo...WHY am I considered handicapped? you might ask. Because definitely in SPIRIT I am not<3, but I do have cystic fibrosis. I think a lot of people know that I'm sick but don't actually know what it is, so I'm going to enlighten you because, frankly, I never have, and SO many people have said the wrong things or ignorant things regarding it, and it hurts my feelings when random people say "I heard you WERE GOING TO DIE."
Not true. I'm going to live forever :)
THIS, is the handbook definition:
Cystic fibrosis (CF) is a genetic disease affecting approximately 30,000 children and adults in the United States. A defective gene causes the body to produce an abnormally thick, sticky mucus that clogs the lungs and leads to life-threatening lung infections. These thick secretions also obstruct the pancreas, preventing digestive enzymes from reaching the intestines to help break down and absorb food.
so, I was born with it. It's a fuck-up on Chromosome 7 in my DNA.
People with CF have a variety of symptoms including: very salty-tasting skin; persistent coughing, at times with phlegm; wheezing or shortness of breath; an excessive appetite but poor weight gain; ultimately, CF is fatal.
The treatment of CF depends upon the stage of the disease and the organs involved. Clearing mucus from the lungs is an important part of the daily CF treatment regimen. Chest physical therapy is a form of airway clearance done by vigorous clapping on the back and chest to dislodge the thick mucus from the lungs. Other types of treatments include TOBI® (tobramycin solution for inhalation),(I take TOBI,once a day, everyday) and an aerosolized antibiotic used to treat lung infections; Pulmozyme® (I also take Pulmozyme) In addition, approximately 90 percent of all people with CF take pancreatic enzyme supplements to help them absorb food in digestion.
and what people always seem to be most interested in-
the median age of survival for a person with CF is nearly 37 years. As more advances have been made in the treatment of CF, the number of adults with CF has steadily grown. Today, nearly 40 percent of the CF population is age 18 and older.
And just a few other questions answered:
yes, I am the only person in my family with CF, thank God :)
yes, I have other friends with CF
No, I probably can't have kids, I can get pregnant but having kids would be very hard on my body.
and yes, sometimes it definitely makes me sad. But I am more sad for my Mama and the people who love me, that worry about me, because I know especially that my Mom feels so helpless sometimes. I am so happy that it was me though, because I don't think my sister could handle it, and I don't think I could deal with someone else having it besides me.
We moved from North Carolina when I was a little girl, so that we could live close to Atlanta, where the BEST clinic for people with Cystic Fibrosis is, and I go there every three months for a check-up..I have been going there since I was three and the staff is practically family.
My mother also became a respiratory therapist, so it's like I have my own personal lung specialist in the house with me :)
so, that should answer most questions you have. Or if you had no idea, now you do. Its really not something I'd like you to approach me and ask about, because it has not, and never will, define me.
BUT I'd rather you ask then talk about something you don't understand.
so if you took the time to read this, I know it's a lot, then I appreciate it. You know a little more about me now :)
8:21 PM - 6 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
[ lucas ] : mr. witherspoon if you're nasty.
I love salty-tasting skin. Hell. yes.
Well, while your condition is unfortunate, at least you've had the good fortune to be placed here where you can be with me .
Posted by [ lucas ] : mr. witherspoon if you're nasty. on Sunday, June 04, 2006 at 9:42 PM
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Lyndsee Alyse
Sarah, you are my whole world... This is the perfect blog for everyone of those stupid idoiots that had the audacity to put you on the spot & ask you that question without hardly knowing you. Like it was going to make a difference if they knew that about you or anyone. You'd think at least by high school people would just know better, Hopefully this will shut them up.
You go girl ;)
Lou::..
Posted by Lyndsee Alyse on Monday, June 05, 2006 at 8:14 AM
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the truth is rarely sensitive
People suck... thats a fact...
One thing you can count on though.. you'll never be handicapped to me :o)
I love you with my whole heart MUAH
Posted by the truth is rarely sensitive on Monday, June 05, 2006 at 9:20 AM
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Wednesday, March 08, 2006
3-8-06
how can some people be so good?
i went to barnes & noble today and started reading this book of poems by Mattie Stepanek. the book caught my attention because I saw the author, a little boy on Ophra a while ago..Mattie had a rare form of muscular dystrophy and he always wrote little poems. After he died (at age 11 ) they became published best sellers. so i was reading the book and got to the poem that started the whole thing..it's called "heartsongs" and it made me so so sad.
I have a song, deep in my heart,
And only I can hear it.
If I close my eyes and sit very still
It is so easy to listen to my song.
When my eyes are open and
I am so busy and moving and busy,
If I take time and listen very hard,
I can still hear my Heartsong.
It makes me feel happy.
Happier than ever.
Happier than everywhere
And everything and everyone
In the whole wide world
what a sweet boy...
i can't believe how physically panicked I really felt after I read it. there's no other word to describe it..i started having anxiety that I can't explain.
I'm really scared of getting older. i'm scared i won't be healthy and that I'll miss being young and resent people younger than me.
it makes me sad that a little boy at eleven found goodness through his like..immortality..and i can't figure out what I think about anything.
as far as faith goes, I've been so frustrated with the fickleness of it that i've bascially given up and don't believe in anything either way.
it was a werid day. i felt really sad and depressed all day. i felt physically sick and i can't explain it. i feel lost and stuck..and i want to move away and start all over somewhere and i want to stay in high school forever at the same time. i want to believe in something and i want to stop worrying about my decisions.
i was at barnes & noble killing time because my Mom was supposed to take me shopping..and then she called and said she met up with her friend for a minute and it'd be a little longer..and i busted out crying. i'm not like a spoiled brat or anything..heh..but i felt like i couldn't take even one more trivial disappointment. i came home and slept instead of waiting.
"Remember always that you are just a visitor here, a traveler passing through. your stay is but short and the moment of your departure unknown.
None can live without toil and a craft that provides your needs is a blessing indeed. But if you toil without rest, fatigue and wearness will overtake you, and you will denied the joy that comes from labour's end.
Speak quietly and kindly and be not forward with either opinions or advice. If you talk much, this will make you deaf to what others say, and you should know that there are few so wise that they cannot learn from others.
Be near when help is needed, but far when praise and thanks are being offered.
Take small account of might, wealth and fame, for they soon pass and are forgotten. Instead, nurture love within you and and strive to be a friend to all. Truly, compassion is a balm for many wounds.
Treasure silence when you find it, and while being mindful of your duties, set time aside, to be alone with yourself.
Cast off pretense and self-deception and see yourself as you really are.
Despite all appearances, no one is really evil. They are led astray by ignorance. If you ponder this truth always you will offer more light, rather
then blame and condemnation.
You, no less than all beings have Buddha Nature within. Your essential Mind is pure. Therefore, when defilements cause you to stumble and fall, let not remose nor dark foreboding cast you down. Be of good cheer and with this understanding, summon strength and walk on.
Faith is like a lamp and wisdom makes the flame burn bright. Carry this lamp always and in good time the darkness will yield and you will abide in the Light.
Dhammavadaka
4:23 PM - 5 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
on my stage, you will never dance alone
wow sarah this is really deep!!! it made me tear up juss thinkin ne thing can happen at any time of the day!!! wow gurl you inspire me so much!! you mean a lot you are such a wonderful person i notice how you put smile on everyones faces especially mine. you can jus smile and i knoe it makes my day knoeing that you juss took the time to notice i was there... im sorry this might seem a lil weird but yea you will always have a special place in my heart forsure!!
I LUV YOU <3~RENEE
Posted by on my stage, you will never dance alone on Wednesday, March 08, 2006 at 5:41 PM
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the truth is rarely sensitive
You just made me think of something that happened to me lately.. So- in my religion class we were talking about Buddah and how he was predicted to be this big teacher. Well his daddy didn't like the idea so he kept him sheltered and he was only surrounded by the finer things/ young people etc. One day, Buddah decides to sneak out of his palace of finer things and comes to a few different realizations that made him how he is..
one being that there's a lot of suffering going on in the world, yet people act like they are invincable and that youth will never end.
another being that.. old age is inevatible and no matter what happens to us.. we will still get old. So the story goes that it freaked him out and he wanted to find a way to get over it etc. but anyhow...
This made me realize that I am afraid of getting old or getting sick etc, but i realized that the whole point is to unbind yourself from that and let it go. Realize it, but nonetheless, let it go.
I really don't know where I was going with that.. and it's quite long, but it's what you made me think so I thought i'd share.
♥ YOU
Posted by the truth is rarely sensitive on Wednesday, March 08, 2006 at 6:22 PM
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devan rachel
I def. understand where you're coming from. Girl when I was in high school I was so wrapped up in superficial nonsense and I caught myself on random days really contemplating where I belong and why I'm there. You'll eventually understand whatever plan is set out for you, well I think so. I'm not even there yet haha but the future's scary but you just have to let your past teach you and mold what's to come!
P.S. I think I'm def. gonna write those quotes and that awesomely deep poem!
Posted by devan rachel on Wednesday, March 08, 2006 at 7:44 PM
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DReW
Awww...I know how that feels.. Chromosome 7, bitch!
Posted by DReW on Sunday, March 12, 2006 at 9:45 AM
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Brandon
I love you.
Posted by Brandon on Wednesday, March 29, 2006 at 6:35 AM
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I won't forget.
DReW
Chromosome 7 failures for life!
Posted by DReW on Monday, June 05, 2006 at 4:09 PM
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Brittany
Hey Sarah, thanks for that information. I had heard that you had some kind of sickness but i never knew what it was or how bad or anything. So thanks. now i know what it is and i can tell others if they ask, and be able to tell them the truth!!
Posted by Brittany on Tuesday, June 06, 2006 at 8:08 PM
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Miss Hopkins
girl you know you handicapped cause you head retarded
Posted by Miss Hopkins on Sunday, June 11, 2006 at 6:04 AM
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"Well my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye"
Listening to Hinder :-) thought I'd share.
It's not really the best music for a happy mindset.
Chopper (my dog) died today :'(
we had already decided a few days ago that we were going to put her to sleep..because one day we gave her a bath to cool her off and she couldn't even hold herself up..we didn't have to though, because she just curled up and went to sleep and passed away it's a relief in a way, I didn't want to put her to sleep but...it really was time for her to go. Look, dogs go to Heaven or they are reincarnated. If there is no dog Heaven, I'm not interested. Because Chopper had more soul than a lot of the humans I know.
..before I found out about Chopper I woke up early and got some things done, went to Janie's and laid out all day..we went and ate a salad at Pistol Petes (which is becoming a tradition on the days we lay out) and then I went into town for my interview at the Cannon. I really don't know how that went, as it's between me and another girl, and the manager told me that he has to give that girl a chance too before he can just hire me...and usually I kind of know that I'm going to get in a job but this situation is different because I don't think the Cannon wants to hire a lot younger servers, and Lyndsee already works there so, he may be looking for more of an established server. But I have experience and definitely know I'm capable. He's supposed to call me today so hopefully things work out. how embarrassing to not get hired for a job..lol
then I went to see my Mom at work since it was right there. My Mom works with the most hilarious women and I stayed in the nursery for awhile, before I left Ape told me about Chopper. It was sad :'(
then me and Janie ended up getting back together in Columbus. We walked around the strip mall just because we couldn't find anything to get into and I was kind of sad :'(
We split up. I went to Matt James' for a little while, he and Duffy cleaned their entire house, I was rather impressed...I left, called Janie, STILL nothing going on, so I came home.
so, i'm home.
When we were kids, we would always climb the tallest trees in town
We never thought about what would happen if we lost our footing on the 37th branch, and fell down to the ground
When we were kids, we would always like the cutest girls in town
We never thought about what would happen if we ended up with them, but one day, they left us for a man who was suited to their needs
I think both feelings are exactly the same as one another; especially when one considers that they both have a crippling effect on your brain, your heart, and your body
It's all the same in the end...
Well, now that we are grown, we can look back and laugh at just how dumb we always knew we were
But, there is a nervousness in our voices,
and its hard to miss
Now that we have shown a complete loss of faith in just how true we never knew we were, what would happen if we were honest with our hearts and tried to live for someone other than ourselves?…
I think that we are exactly that same as when we were little kids, the only difference is that we all have a crippling effect on our brains, our hearts, and our bodies, and we’re all the same in the end.
Go ahead, and tear my heart apart
We're all alone in the end
Farewell Flight- Cruel
10:38 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Lyndsee Alyse
Damn Sarah :(
Posted by Lyndsee Alyse on Saturday, June 03, 2006 at 8:29 PM
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talk about it somewhere only we know
Reason 128438409845895849 why I love Lyndsee Miles:
Late one night we were sitting in the parking lot of Outback in front of Petland, and Lyndsee said
"It makes me happy to think of puppies sleeping in there." :-)
makes me happy too. <3
Sometimes it makes me sad that there is no more Chopper to give my leftover food to. It's a little thing that I really miss, giving her food because she was a good girl :'(
My parents are out of town, they left the day I got back from Kansas City, so I haven't seen them in like two weeks and I'm just sad with no Chopper and no parents. I'm a little lonely.
I've been busy though, too. Tomorrow I have to go to CSU to take a math compass test :-/ and then I have to go straight to work..I'm going to Florida July 15th thru like the 18th to see my sister. It's Stans 7th birthday...lol and my sister is so cute and she planned a little birthday party for him. Please look at my future nephew.
he looks like a puppy. he has a big personality. I love him. and I miss my sister.
Summer
"There she was at last, hiding in plain view, Summer, and her belief that I'd find my way back to her was finally proving true, she said she felt completely at ease like a gauge reading zero. I wondered about that...I wondered if everything about us had been up to her all along.
Luckily tomorrow I will have company again..and Saturday me and Izzy are going to look for apartments :) So I have a lot to look forward to..I'm ready to live 10 minutes away from everything and decorate my apartment.
I guess I'm going to go clean up around the house a little bit <3
"I felt the earth beneath my feet
sat by the river and it made me complete
oh simple thing, where have you gone?
Im getting old and I need something to rely on
so tell me when you're gonna let me in?
I'm getting tired and i need somewhere to begin"
Saturday, July 01, 2006
"in the fight between my heart and mind, no one really wins this time"
"She is full of contrast, more alive and closer to death than anyone I've known, like a Johnny Cash song or some theatre star. She owns attitude and humor beyond her 19 years. When she tells me her story, she is humble and quiet and kind, shaped by the pain of a hundred lifetimes. "
"I would rather write her a song, because songs don't wait to resolve, and because songs mean so much to her. Stories wait for endings, but songs are brave things bold enough to sing when all they know is darkness. These words, like most words, will be written next to midnight, between hurricane and harbor, as both claim to save her. "
christianity
Put down your paper plate
come to the table made
deep blue china
found on the table by the wine
so fine
it brings out flavor
like you bring out color in life
oh, i miss you so
the feel of forever
oh, that taste i know
it hurts to remember
unfortunately high
ironically dissatisfied
i miss you
i miss you
oh, i miss You so
the feel of forever
oh, that taste i know
it hurts to remember
i had a fleeting thought this morning
and i mentioned you today
it breaks my heart just to know you in part
and not to be with you where you are
Shane and Shane
Monday, June 12, 2006
in my dream
"In my dream, the angel shrugged & said, If we fail this time, it will be a failure of imagination & then she placed the world gently in the palm of my hand."
Enlightenment of the Chromosome
Mocha is being really sweet right now :) she came up to me like she wanted attention, but really she just wanted to be near someone, and she's curled up beside me :)
well ladies and gentlemen, I am offically handicapped :-), and even have a handicapped LICENSE plate. It has been declared that I "cannot walk more than 200 feet without stopping to rest, during a pulmonary exacerbation"...which really isn't true. It's true in this heat MAYBE, but I ran two miles three days a week for my last 5 months in high school. Either way, it's nice to have the option to park where ever I'd like.
soo...WHY am I considered handicapped? you might ask. Because definitely in SPIRIT I am not<3, but I do have cystic fibrosis. I think a lot of people know that I'm sick but don't actually know what it is, so I'm going to enlighten you because, frankly, I never have, and SO many people have said the wrong things or ignorant things regarding it, and it hurts my feelings when random people say "I heard you WERE GOING TO DIE."
Not true. I'm going to live forever :)
THIS, is the handbook definition:
Cystic fibrosis (CF) is a genetic disease affecting approximately 30,000 children and adults in the United States. A defective gene causes the body to produce an abnormally thick, sticky mucus that clogs the lungs and leads to life-threatening lung infections. These thick secretions also obstruct the pancreas, preventing digestive enzymes from reaching the intestines to help break down and absorb food.
so, I was born with it. It's a fuck-up on Chromosome 7 in my DNA.
People with CF have a variety of symptoms including: very salty-tasting skin; persistent coughing, at times with phlegm; wheezing or shortness of breath; an excessive appetite but poor weight gain; ultimately, CF is fatal.
The treatment of CF depends upon the stage of the disease and the organs involved. Clearing mucus from the lungs is an important part of the daily CF treatment regimen. Chest physical therapy is a form of airway clearance done by vigorous clapping on the back and chest to dislodge the thick mucus from the lungs. Other types of treatments include TOBI® (tobramycin solution for inhalation),(I take TOBI,once a day, everyday) and an aerosolized antibiotic used to treat lung infections; Pulmozyme® (I also take Pulmozyme) In addition, approximately 90 percent of all people with CF take pancreatic enzyme supplements to help them absorb food in digestion.
and what people always seem to be most interested in-
the median age of survival for a person with CF is nearly 37 years. As more advances have been made in the treatment of CF, the number of adults with CF has steadily grown. Today, nearly 40 percent of the CF population is age 18 and older.
And just a few other questions answered:
yes, I am the only person in my family with CF, thank God :)
yes, I have other friends with CF
No, I probably can't have kids, I can get pregnant but having kids would be very hard on my body.
and yes, sometimes it definitely makes me sad. But I am more sad for my Mama and the people who love me, that worry about me, because I know especially that my Mom feels so helpless sometimes. I am so happy that it was me though, because I don't think my sister could handle it, and I don't think I could deal with someone else having it besides me.
We moved from North Carolina when I was a little girl, so that we could live close to Atlanta, where the BEST clinic for people with Cystic Fibrosis is, and I go there every three months for a check-up..I have been going there since I was three and the staff is practically family.
My mother also became a respiratory therapist, so it's like I have my own personal lung specialist in the house with me :)
so, that should answer most questions you have. Or if you had no idea, now you do. Its really not something I'd like you to approach me and ask about, because it has not, and never will, define me.
BUT I'd rather you ask then talk about something you don't understand.
so if you took the time to read this, I know it's a lot, then I appreciate it. You know a little more about me now :)
8:21 PM - 6 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
[ lucas ] : mr. witherspoon if you're nasty.
I love salty-tasting skin. Hell. yes.
Well, while your condition is unfortunate, at least you've had the good fortune to be placed here where you can be with me .
Posted by [ lucas ] : mr. witherspoon if you're nasty. on Sunday, June 04, 2006 at 9:42 PM
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Lyndsee Alyse
Sarah, you are my whole world... This is the perfect blog for everyone of those stupid idoiots that had the audacity to put you on the spot & ask you that question without hardly knowing you. Like it was going to make a difference if they knew that about you or anyone. You'd think at least by high school people would just know better, Hopefully this will shut them up.
You go girl ;)
Lou::..
Posted by Lyndsee Alyse on Monday, June 05, 2006 at 8:14 AM
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the truth is rarely sensitive
People suck... thats a fact...
One thing you can count on though.. you'll never be handicapped to me :o)
I love you with my whole heart MUAH
Posted by the truth is rarely sensitive on Monday, June 05, 2006 at 9:20 AM
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Wednesday, March 08, 2006
3-8-06
how can some people be so good?
i went to barnes & noble today and started reading this book of poems by Mattie Stepanek. the book caught my attention because I saw the author, a little boy on Ophra a while ago..Mattie had a rare form of muscular dystrophy and he always wrote little poems. After he died (at age 11 ) they became published best sellers. so i was reading the book and got to the poem that started the whole thing..it's called "heartsongs" and it made me so so sad.
I have a song, deep in my heart,
And only I can hear it.
If I close my eyes and sit very still
It is so easy to listen to my song.
When my eyes are open and
I am so busy and moving and busy,
If I take time and listen very hard,
I can still hear my Heartsong.
It makes me feel happy.
Happier than ever.
Happier than everywhere
And everything and everyone
In the whole wide world
what a sweet boy...
i can't believe how physically panicked I really felt after I read it. there's no other word to describe it..i started having anxiety that I can't explain.
I'm really scared of getting older. i'm scared i won't be healthy and that I'll miss being young and resent people younger than me.
it makes me sad that a little boy at eleven found goodness through his like..immortality..and i can't figure out what I think about anything.
as far as faith goes, I've been so frustrated with the fickleness of it that i've bascially given up and don't believe in anything either way.
it was a werid day. i felt really sad and depressed all day. i felt physically sick and i can't explain it. i feel lost and stuck..and i want to move away and start all over somewhere and i want to stay in high school forever at the same time. i want to believe in something and i want to stop worrying about my decisions.
i was at barnes & noble killing time because my Mom was supposed to take me shopping..and then she called and said she met up with her friend for a minute and it'd be a little longer..and i busted out crying. i'm not like a spoiled brat or anything..heh..but i felt like i couldn't take even one more trivial disappointment. i came home and slept instead of waiting.
"Remember always that you are just a visitor here, a traveler passing through. your stay is but short and the moment of your departure unknown.
None can live without toil and a craft that provides your needs is a blessing indeed. But if you toil without rest, fatigue and wearness will overtake you, and you will denied the joy that comes from labour's end.
Speak quietly and kindly and be not forward with either opinions or advice. If you talk much, this will make you deaf to what others say, and you should know that there are few so wise that they cannot learn from others.
Be near when help is needed, but far when praise and thanks are being offered.
Take small account of might, wealth and fame, for they soon pass and are forgotten. Instead, nurture love within you and and strive to be a friend to all. Truly, compassion is a balm for many wounds.
Treasure silence when you find it, and while being mindful of your duties, set time aside, to be alone with yourself.
Cast off pretense and self-deception and see yourself as you really are.
Despite all appearances, no one is really evil. They are led astray by ignorance. If you ponder this truth always you will offer more light, rather
then blame and condemnation.
You, no less than all beings have Buddha Nature within. Your essential Mind is pure. Therefore, when defilements cause you to stumble and fall, let not remose nor dark foreboding cast you down. Be of good cheer and with this understanding, summon strength and walk on.
Faith is like a lamp and wisdom makes the flame burn bright. Carry this lamp always and in good time the darkness will yield and you will abide in the Light.
Dhammavadaka
4:23 PM - 5 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
on my stage, you will never dance alone
wow sarah this is really deep!!! it made me tear up juss thinkin ne thing can happen at any time of the day!!! wow gurl you inspire me so much!! you mean a lot you are such a wonderful person i notice how you put smile on everyones faces especially mine. you can jus smile and i knoe it makes my day knoeing that you juss took the time to notice i was there... im sorry this might seem a lil weird but yea you will always have a special place in my heart forsure!!
I LUV YOU <3~RENEE
Posted by on my stage, you will never dance alone on Wednesday, March 08, 2006 at 5:41 PM
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the truth is rarely sensitive
You just made me think of something that happened to me lately.. So- in my religion class we were talking about Buddah and how he was predicted to be this big teacher. Well his daddy didn't like the idea so he kept him sheltered and he was only surrounded by the finer things/ young people etc. One day, Buddah decides to sneak out of his palace of finer things and comes to a few different realizations that made him how he is..
one being that there's a lot of suffering going on in the world, yet people act like they are invincable and that youth will never end.
another being that.. old age is inevatible and no matter what happens to us.. we will still get old. So the story goes that it freaked him out and he wanted to find a way to get over it etc. but anyhow...
This made me realize that I am afraid of getting old or getting sick etc, but i realized that the whole point is to unbind yourself from that and let it go. Realize it, but nonetheless, let it go.
I really don't know where I was going with that.. and it's quite long, but it's what you made me think so I thought i'd share.
♥ YOU
Posted by the truth is rarely sensitive on Wednesday, March 08, 2006 at 6:22 PM
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devan rachel
I def. understand where you're coming from. Girl when I was in high school I was so wrapped up in superficial nonsense and I caught myself on random days really contemplating where I belong and why I'm there. You'll eventually understand whatever plan is set out for you, well I think so. I'm not even there yet haha but the future's scary but you just have to let your past teach you and mold what's to come!
P.S. I think I'm def. gonna write those quotes and that awesomely deep poem!
Posted by devan rachel on Wednesday, March 08, 2006 at 7:44 PM
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DReW
Awww...I know how that feels.. Chromosome 7, bitch!
Posted by DReW on Sunday, March 12, 2006 at 9:45 AM
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Brandon
I love you.
Posted by Brandon on Wednesday, March 29, 2006 at 6:35 AM
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I won't forget.
DReW
Chromosome 7 failures for life!
Posted by DReW on Monday, June 05, 2006 at 4:09 PM
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Brittany
Hey Sarah, thanks for that information. I had heard that you had some kind of sickness but i never knew what it was or how bad or anything. So thanks. now i know what it is and i can tell others if they ask, and be able to tell them the truth!!
Posted by Brittany on Tuesday, June 06, 2006 at 8:08 PM
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Miss Hopkins
girl you know you handicapped cause you head retarded
Posted by Miss Hopkins on Sunday, June 11, 2006 at 6:04 AM
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