i am destined to fail, fail, fail.
Prior to 2009, I had always considered myself to be not so lucky...but never had I imagined things to be this bad, this frustrating and this confusing.
In January I offically ended a meaningless relationship that made me sick to my stomache with stupidity. We spent over a year together so for the most part, despite how empty the relationship was, I felt like it was the only thing I could really call my own, even though I had no control over any aspect of me, him or us. After countless fights and taking the blame just not to fight, I decided enough was a enough and that 2009 was going to be alot better than 2008 was...even though looking back (at this point), I'd give anything to repeat last year.
So mid January, I called a quits. I went through the normal break up thoughts and phases, only I think I handled everything better and got over everything alot quicker than most girls because I had been mentally prepared for this outcome since...oh, 3 months into the relationship. Hey, I'm a fighter what can I say.
The next 2 months were okay. They consisted of lots of drinking, going out, mingling...being single, basically. Come March...everything slowly started slipping.
My grandmothers conditions started getting worse.
I got a $264 dollar speeding ticket.
There was a fire in my building.
I was sick for 2 weeks with a killer sinus infection.
After being sick and constantly crying about my grandmother, my manager writes me up claiming that I should wear makeup, comb my hair and be presentable. She then takes a picture of my ass crack and the head of Lee Memorial's Human Resources/Employee Relations department looks me in the eyes and honestly tells me that none of this is considered harassment. I walk out of my job, and am given a "desicion/leave making day" - resign or suck up the harassment to keep my job? Being a 23 year old independent woman that lives on her own in a post-Bush economy, I suck up the harassment for the sake of saving everything I've busted my ass for for the past 5 years.
A few days after that, I wake up to a bag of dog shit on my door step.
But hey, atleast I'm still alive. Atleast I still have a job. Right?
In the midst of trying to get my back up plan together for the day my manager should chose to retaliate, my grandmother goes from dancing in our garage on Saturday to stage 4 cancer with pnenomnia and emphasemya, leaving her in a coma-like state till that following Friday, when she passed away 4 hours after everyone convinced me to leave the hospital and go home and shower.
This event had to be the worst thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life. I loved that woman as if she was my own mother. She left the world, and everything in the world came crashing down on me.
Depression kicked in. What am I going to do? What is my mom going to do?
And the most annoying question to me, what the fuck happened to my best friend? Maybe she's just giving me space? Maybe she's too busy worrying about someone that didn't give a shit about her until he didn't have a place to live. Maybe.
I try and keep positive. I spend alot of time biking and jogging and trying to do the best at my job...and focus on paying bills. I try my hardest to find a focus.
My mom skips Mother's Day. I get up with the mission of relaxation on the beach with my dog, a place I hadn't been in weeks. Fifteen minutes after this descision, I find myself standing in the street screaming "why?!" to the sky, as I stand tangled in my dogs leash infront of my tire...which is completely flat.
I begin to wonder if I should ever leave the house again.
So here we are now, Friday, May 16th. This is the day that I am fired from my job for something I didn't even do, and for something that everyone does...but I guess if you're a manipulative lying fucking douche bag and you bend and twist the policies and procedures to your advantage, an innocent hard worker like me ends up unemployed.
2009 agenda:
-boyfriend
-grandmother
-job
What else could possibly happen at this point?
I don't know. Maybe I could go get my mail just now, and find a letter from the IRS stating that I owe them $350 dollars by June 10, 2009 for a fuck up I made in my taxes in 2007. The pile of shit I keep stepping in just keeps getting deeper and deeper.
"Everything will work out, relax..."
Can someone please tell me HOW any of this is going to work out?
My next predicted tradgedy is a near death experience, but I've got my fingers crossed that it's not a near death experience and a semi-truck saves me from the "experience" portion and just puts me out of my misery.
In January I offically ended a meaningless relationship that made me sick to my stomache with stupidity. We spent over a year together so for the most part, despite how empty the relationship was, I felt like it was the only thing I could really call my own, even though I had no control over any aspect of me, him or us. After countless fights and taking the blame just not to fight, I decided enough was a enough and that 2009 was going to be alot better than 2008 was...even though looking back (at this point), I'd give anything to repeat last year.
So mid January, I called a quits. I went through the normal break up thoughts and phases, only I think I handled everything better and got over everything alot quicker than most girls because I had been mentally prepared for this outcome since...oh, 3 months into the relationship. Hey, I'm a fighter what can I say.
The next 2 months were okay. They consisted of lots of drinking, going out, mingling...being single, basically. Come March...everything slowly started slipping.
My grandmothers conditions started getting worse.
I got a $264 dollar speeding ticket.
There was a fire in my building.
I was sick for 2 weeks with a killer sinus infection.
After being sick and constantly crying about my grandmother, my manager writes me up claiming that I should wear makeup, comb my hair and be presentable. She then takes a picture of my ass crack and the head of Lee Memorial's Human Resources/Employee Relations department looks me in the eyes and honestly tells me that none of this is considered harassment. I walk out of my job, and am given a "desicion/leave making day" - resign or suck up the harassment to keep my job? Being a 23 year old independent woman that lives on her own in a post-Bush economy, I suck up the harassment for the sake of saving everything I've busted my ass for for the past 5 years.
A few days after that, I wake up to a bag of dog shit on my door step.
But hey, atleast I'm still alive. Atleast I still have a job. Right?
In the midst of trying to get my back up plan together for the day my manager should chose to retaliate, my grandmother goes from dancing in our garage on Saturday to stage 4 cancer with pnenomnia and emphasemya, leaving her in a coma-like state till that following Friday, when she passed away 4 hours after everyone convinced me to leave the hospital and go home and shower.
This event had to be the worst thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life. I loved that woman as if she was my own mother. She left the world, and everything in the world came crashing down on me.
Depression kicked in. What am I going to do? What is my mom going to do?
And the most annoying question to me, what the fuck happened to my best friend? Maybe she's just giving me space? Maybe she's too busy worrying about someone that didn't give a shit about her until he didn't have a place to live. Maybe.
I try and keep positive. I spend alot of time biking and jogging and trying to do the best at my job...and focus on paying bills. I try my hardest to find a focus.
My mom skips Mother's Day. I get up with the mission of relaxation on the beach with my dog, a place I hadn't been in weeks. Fifteen minutes after this descision, I find myself standing in the street screaming "why?!" to the sky, as I stand tangled in my dogs leash infront of my tire...which is completely flat.
I begin to wonder if I should ever leave the house again.
So here we are now, Friday, May 16th. This is the day that I am fired from my job for something I didn't even do, and for something that everyone does...but I guess if you're a manipulative lying fucking douche bag and you bend and twist the policies and procedures to your advantage, an innocent hard worker like me ends up unemployed.
2009 agenda:
-boyfriend
-grandmother
-job
What else could possibly happen at this point?
I don't know. Maybe I could go get my mail just now, and find a letter from the IRS stating that I owe them $350 dollars by June 10, 2009 for a fuck up I made in my taxes in 2007. The pile of shit I keep stepping in just keeps getting deeper and deeper.
"Everything will work out, relax..."
Can someone please tell me HOW any of this is going to work out?
My next predicted tradgedy is a near death experience, but I've got my fingers crossed that it's not a near death experience and a semi-truck saves me from the "experience" portion and just puts me out of my misery.