(no subject)
so saturday is pretty much overwith. i'm sitting here playing games as usual, and i've been pretty content all day really. i had a whole bunch of alone time today with which to play games and just exist without being told or asked to do anything. i don't so much mind being asked to do things, it's just nice to be left alone for a day. i used to really try to be left alone all the time, but now it's pretty unavoidable. it's ok though. it makes me feel like i have a purpose. i like that. kinda nice to know that people need you. although, with my current financial situation (i need a new job to come through already), it kinda sucks too. i feel like i'm failing, mostly due to the fact that i am. i really really hate that feeling. inadequacy is miserable. i'm really doing all that i can to move up, and survive. the latter is pretty fucking hard right now. i have apps and resumes even all over the map. now all i can do is wait i guess. all i know is that as soon as something comes through, then things will be different. i'll actually be of use to people again, and can stop feeling so awful all the time. i'll hopefully be able to hit school again as well and then get on with my life as the saying goes. i just with this could all happen faster. at this rate i'm becoming a shut-in. really. all i do is go to work, watch ethan, and sit at home. i guess it's not all bad. in this way i'm not wasting money (none to waste) and i'm not getting into trouble. kind funny to see how far i've come in personality since i came out to this area almost 6 years ago. funny and sad i guess. i miss the old life once in a while, well, it was once in a while before. now it's really an almost all the time affair. things were different. people and places were different. I was different.