freaking out
i am freaking out, i am freaking out.
i think it started in the restaurant. 11 of us in that room that held that round table.
it was okay at first conversation riveting about earthquakes and mental health of children. and then i ate that piece of meat thinking it was pork. it was cold, and then tasted different unlike anything I've ever eaten. i then realised it could be cat, or dog or oh i dont know!
it went downhill from that.actually no wrong metaphor. i felt like the water was rising then.then the door was closes, and all 11 of us, stuck in that room. i was acutely aware of how small that room was, and how far away from anything i loved was. and then tim started talking about post traumatic disorder. i started feeling like i was shrinking a little. my insides at least. i felt that feeling again. that feeling when i hit the water with my scuba gear, and descended and felt like there was no escape. that same feeling i had the past few month each time i heard something that threw my world off balance.
i started freaking out and wanting to escape, but where to. i was in the room stuck. if i go out to the streets itd be a mess of unfamiliarity. i wanted to go home, but it'll be just going back to being marooned on an island. i wanted to run and escape!but where to. i could not think of a single place i'd like to go to that i would feel at peace, and free.
maybe only one place, and thats the past.
this is not good. i've never felt like this in a while. what if I'm really crazy.i had to sing gospel songs and focus on my breathing.
tbh, i'm scared. maybe i'm having an anxiety attack. i don't even know why. i think i think i may just need help.
i dont know. i feel trapped. in this world. does that even make sense? i need fresh air. i don't know of any place with air fresh enough.
okay breathe riane breathe riane. its probably just culture shock. really belated culture shock and adjustment. or some stress disorder. ahh! you will be fine. LIFE will be fine.
shuhui told me she thinks its beef, and i am going to trust her. God knows thats the only thing im going on right now.
i think it started in the restaurant. 11 of us in that room that held that round table.
it was okay at first conversation riveting about earthquakes and mental health of children. and then i ate that piece of meat thinking it was pork. it was cold, and then tasted different unlike anything I've ever eaten. i then realised it could be cat, or dog or oh i dont know!
it went downhill from that.actually no wrong metaphor. i felt like the water was rising then.then the door was closes, and all 11 of us, stuck in that room. i was acutely aware of how small that room was, and how far away from anything i loved was. and then tim started talking about post traumatic disorder. i started feeling like i was shrinking a little. my insides at least. i felt that feeling again. that feeling when i hit the water with my scuba gear, and descended and felt like there was no escape. that same feeling i had the past few month each time i heard something that threw my world off balance.
i started freaking out and wanting to escape, but where to. i was in the room stuck. if i go out to the streets itd be a mess of unfamiliarity. i wanted to go home, but it'll be just going back to being marooned on an island. i wanted to run and escape!but where to. i could not think of a single place i'd like to go to that i would feel at peace, and free.
maybe only one place, and thats the past.
this is not good. i've never felt like this in a while. what if I'm really crazy.i had to sing gospel songs and focus on my breathing.
tbh, i'm scared. maybe i'm having an anxiety attack. i don't even know why. i think i think i may just need help.
i dont know. i feel trapped. in this world. does that even make sense? i need fresh air. i don't know of any place with air fresh enough.
okay breathe riane breathe riane. its probably just culture shock. really belated culture shock and adjustment. or some stress disorder. ahh! you will be fine. LIFE will be fine.
shuhui told me she thinks its beef, and i am going to trust her. God knows thats the only thing im going on right now.