Lights, Camera, Kiss Me; Chapter 4
Thanks to everyone reading, and especially to those who comment on my non-DE fic. Really means a bunch <333
Big hugs and thanks to my pre-readers, Bex and Daisy - for the time they spend reading my work. This chapter is dedicated to LokYa2046, for putting up with my neuroses on a daily basis, and being her awesome self.
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Chapter 4
"I had a really nice time with you tonight, Mac."
"Dinner was absolutely incredible, thank you."
Dale had taken Mac to Vue De Monde. Situated on the fifty-fifth floor of the Rialto tower, Melbourne, Mac had been more than a little impressed with Dale's choice of restaurant for their third date. An unforgettable dining experience at great heights had been promised, and had been delivered. The food and the wine had been the finest she'd ever had, and the view of the city had been breathtaking.
Dale had been the perfect dinner companion; keeping up a steady stream of conversation, but never forgetting to stop and ask her questions. Mac had been very comfortable in his company. Too comfortable. They'd just had a perfect, romantic evening out; but there was no breathless anticipation of his touch, or his kiss. He didn't make her heart race, or make her feel weak at the knees. He'd kissed her twice before, and those kisses had been…nice. But that had been all.
He needed to kiss her again. Tonight she'd consumed several so-called aphrodisiacs - oysters, champagne, and chocolate, to maximise her chances of feeling more than a friendly kind of affection towards Dale. With any luck, when she felt his mouth on hers, and his hands on her body, she was going to feel desire. Then she would live happily ever after with the doctor, and things with Ryan could go back to the way they had been before she'd opened her big mouth.
"Well," she said, pretending to fish in her handbag for her keys, and wishing Dale would get on with it.
Finally taking the hint she was ready, Dale stepped in and kissed her. One of his arms went around her waist, while the other hand cupped the back of her head. Determined to give this kiss her absolute best, she wrapped her arms around Dale's neck, and tried to enjoy it. She allowed him to deepen the kiss, and rub his tongue along hers, but unfortunately disappointment was the only thing she felt as he kissed her.
"Wow," he said to her when he pulled away.
"Wow?"
They obviously weren't on the same page, Mac thought. There had been nothing wow at all about that kiss. As if the lack of passion she felt hadn't been bad enough, she was going to have to break it to him that whatever he'd felt was all one sided. She felt terrible. He was Jazz's friend. Jazz had had such high hopes for the two of them. And there was nothing wrong with the doctor. He was perfect. There was just no spark. No, spark seemed to be reserved for a certain co-star who had been M.I.A for the past three weeks.
"That was bad, wasn't it?" Dale asked her.
"Pardon?"
"I mean, there wasn't really anything there at all, was there?"
"When we kissed?"
Was she hearing him right, or was she just being hopeful?
Dale nodded, and Mac felt relief wash through her. They were on the same page after all. That made this so much less awkward than it could have been.
"No," Mac admitted. "I'm sorry. There really wasn't."
"It was kind of like kissing my sister," Dale said.
"Oh, do you kiss her often?" Mac asked him jokingly.
"Only on special occasions," he said, smiling at her.
Mac laughed. "Jazz will be disappointed."
"She'll deal with it."
"She will."
"Perhaps we could go out as friends sometime," Dale said to her.
"That would be nice."
It would probably never happen, but it sounded nicer than, 'have a nice life. I'll probably never see you again.'
"Goodbye, Mac."
"Goodbye, Dale."
Mac opened her apartment door and walked inside, kicking off her high heels and dropping her handbag onto the couch in the lounge room. Her gaze automatically slid to the tiny Christmas tree, where the gift she'd bought Ryan still sat un-opened. She knew he'd been at his mother's over Christmas, but there had been several catch-ups at Jazz's since he'd come back, and he hadn't been to any of them.
Their cast mates believed that Ryan had been too busy hitting the sheets with models and international party girls to hang out with them, but Mac knew better. She closed her eyes as she remembered her slip in that moment of utter stupidity.
"…it's not Brad you should be worried about."
He was avoiding her, keeping his distance. No doubt Ryan thought he was doing the right thing by her, but she couldn't deny she felt a little hurt over the fact that he'd so easily broken off all contact with her. No phone calls, no coffee invitations, and he'd ignored the messages she'd sent him, other than to wish her a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year.
Things hadn't worked out with Dale. Did that mean Ryan was going to avoid her until she found a new prospect? They were back in the studio on Monday. They had to work together. She wished she could turn back the clock and take back what she'd said, but she couldn't. They were going to have to deal with it. They had to get past this. It didn't have to be awkward or strained, did it? They were adults, not horny teenagers who couldn't keep their hands off one another.
She picked up her mobile phone and scrolled down till she reached his number. Tomorrow was Sunday, and Jazz was having a barbeque. Ryan probably had no intention of going, but he should come, and she was going to tell him so. She pressed the call button, and waited for him to answer, but instead it went through to voicemail. She looked at the clock on the wall. It was after eleven. He was probably busy. She pushed down the questions about what he was doing, and who he was doing it with, and concentrated on leaving a message.
"Hey, Ryan, it's Mac. Listen…"
***
Mac bolted out of bed when she heard banging on her door. A bleary eyed look at the clock on the wall in the lounge room told her that it was twenty past two in the morning. Who would be at her door at this time?
"Ryan."
He didn't wait to be invited in.
"Is everything okay?" she asked him, as he walked past her.
"I got your message," he told her. "I'm sorry, but I just don't think we should spend time together anymore, outside of work."
She felt as if she'd just had the wind knocked out of her. His words were so blunt. "Oh."
"It's for the best," he told her.
Hurt swept through her. "I don't believe that," she told him. "We're friends."
"Are we?"
"Yes. Of course we are."
"Be honest. You want more."
"No. I want us to be friends."
"But you can't ignore it, can you?"
Heat crept up her neck and into her cheeks at the accusation she was too overcome by what she felt for him to push it aside.
"Us getting involved wouldn't be a good idea for you, Mac."
She knew that already, didn't she? She would be the one to come off second best if she allowed herself to pursue anything with him. She was the one with everything to lose. Should their executive producer find out that they'd become involved, and decide to fire one of them, Mac already knew which one of them was more disposable. It wasn't the seasoned actor standing in front of her. Her career would be over for good this time.
"I know that. I can ignore it," she told him.
Even as she said the words, however, she was questioning whether they really were the truth. Her gaze slid from his hazel eyes, which made her feel too warm, to his made-for-sin mouth, and down to his chest. She knew what was under that shirt, didn't she? She'd studied each sculpted muscle, every defining line. She'd looked her fill and then some each night before bed, and then she'd imagined his body on top of hers, bringing her a pleasure that at fifteen she'd only been able to dream of. At twenty-three she had a much better idea of the things he'd be able to do to her.
He moved closer to her. "You're in denial," he whispered, his breath tickling her ear; his lips grazing her jaw.
The slight contact caused her to shudder. Her breath caught in her throat as he pulled away and looked down to where her breasts were straining against the thin material of her soft pink nightie; her nipples pebbled, revealing just how much he affected her.
"You can't hide it anymore," he told her.
"I'm trying," she told him desperately.
She wanted to hide what she felt, but she couldn't. He put his finger underneath her chin, and lifted her face so that she was looking into his eyes.
"I know you are," he said to her. "But see here's the thing; when I see how much you want me, I can't hold back."
"Ryan…"
Before she had time to panic, he brushed his lips over hers. It was only the briefest of kisses, but the simple contact sent a bolt of electricity through her. The energy his kiss created reached every part of her. She'd never felt anything so intense. It was as if every nerve ending in her body was alive and tingling with anticipation, and she was having trouble standing. If the mere brush of his lips could make her feel like this, what pleasure could he make her feel if they went to bed together? She was suddenly desperate to find out.
He was watching her now, with dark eyes full of intent, obviously waiting to see if she'd make the next move. Her eyes never left his as her hands went to the shirt he was wearing. She ripped it open, scattering buttons everywhere.
"I don't want you to hold back," she told him, before she put her palms on either side of his face, and dragged his mouth back to hers.
Mac sat up in bed, a thin sheen of sweat covering her body, and her breath coming out in short, sharp bursts. She looked for Ryan beside her, but he wasn't in bed with her. It had been a dream. She'd left him a message telling him they could handle this thing between them, and then she'd promptly gone to sleep, and dreamed about ripping his shirt open, and kissing him.
Her body was still hot from the memory of his lips on hers, and even though it hadn't been real - he hadn't actually kissed her - she'd been left craving him. Desire and need were still bouncing around uncomfortably inside her, making her feel too restless. Risking her career, and her heart, to go to bed with him, would be the stupidest idea ever. She wasn't going to let herself forget that. She lied back down, closed her eyes, and tried to shut out the image of her ripping his shirt off. No matter how tempting.
***
"Shall we fire up the barbeque?" Brad asked.
Five of them were sitting in Jazz's lounge room. Despite the message Mac had left Ryan last night, he hadn't shown up today. If the disappointment was gnawing away at her she was doing her best not to show it. She would see him tomorrow on the set, but she'd really wanted to prove to him that they could spend time together without it being awkward. She wanted their friendship to go back to normal.
"Moore's not coming?" Matt asked.
"He's too busy partying with Winona and Kira," Brad told him.
"You'd think he could have taken a day out from his…extracurricular activities, to hang out with his friends," Jazz said, rolling her eyes. "We're back at work tomorrow. He's got to be exhausted."
"Yeah, keeping the international party twins busy," Brad laughed.
Mac felt decidedly foolish as she listened to the conversation around her. While she'd been dreaming about ripping his shirt off, and kissing him, Ryan had been keeping himself busy - with twins! For a moment it felt as if jealousy might eat her alive. If she'd ever believed he was as affected by the attraction as she was, then she'd been an idiot. Ryan Moore could have any woman - or women - he wanted.
So what if he was attracted to her? One woman was as good as another to Ryan. He probably hadn't really thought of her at all in the past three weeks. He certainly wasn't worried about not being able to control himself around her. Why does it matter? He's supposed to be your friend. That's what you want. It was a good thing that he could so easily ignore what was between them. She could learn to do the same. There was absolutely no reason now why things shouldn't return to the way they had been.
"Knock, knock," Ryan called through the front door.
The sound of his voice through Jazz's front door made her heart beat so fast that she felt dizzy. Her temperature was rising, and her palms felt clammy. God, she was losing it. Get it together, Mac. You can do this. Today had to go well. She had to convince him that they could spend time in each others company without it being too strained.
She watched him walk into the lounge, took in his recently showered appearance, and it was as if someone had pressed the re-play button on last night's dream. His eyes locked with hers as images of ripping off his shirt flashed before her eyes. Stop! He had his twins; and she wanted things to go back to the way they were. She had to suppress, deny, and forget the sexual desire snaking its way through her middle. And even if she couldn't, she was an actress. Pretending was what she did best.
***
"Well look what the cat dragged in," Vanessa said.
"Threw up, more likely," Brad said.
"Haha. Very funny guys."
Ryan listened to everyone crack their jokes. They all thought they were comedians today. He'd known he would have to endure some ribbing for disappearing the way he had. He laughed, and smiled as the guys clapped him on the back. He kissed and hugged Jazz, and Vanessa, and when he got to Mac, he embraced her quickly and then let her go. It was too easy to remember how good it had felt to have her pressed against him as they danced together; how responsive she'd been.
Apparently the time he'd spent away from her had done nothing to diminish the attraction he felt towards her. She was dressed for the summer heat in her tiny cornflower blue tank top and her short denim skirt. He swore she had the longest legs he'd ever seen. Just the sight of those sun-kissed legs was enough to send lust rocketing through him, making him hard for her.
"I'm just going to put these beers in the fridge," he said, making an excuse to get away and get his thoughts under control.
He'd never planned on coming today; had been putting in every effort to stay away from her. There hadn't been a day in the past three weeks that he hadn't thought of her, or wondered if things had worked out between her and her doctor. However, getting Mac's voicemail message this morning had been a wake-up call. She'd done her best to cover it, but he could tell she was upset by the way he'd been avoiding her.
They were back on set tomorrow. The idea of spending day after day with Mac in the studio had him dreading the return to shooting. He had no idea how many episodes till his romantic storyline with Mac kicked in, but he knew however many it was, it wouldn't be enough. He still didn't have his libido under control, and she still didn't know what was coming. He had to hope that things had worked out with her doctor.
"How are Kira and Winona?" Brad asked with a smirk, when Ryan returned from the kitchen.
"Don't know. I haven't seen them for a few days."
Despite the fact that there had been pictures of him with the Reilly-Adams twins splashed across newspapers and magazines, he'd only spent a couple of nights with the girls. They might have a certain reputation, but it wasn't deserved. He'd gone to the opening of their father's hotel with them, but it hadn't ended in the big bang Brad might have expected.
"Sure, sure," Matt said.
"Our Romeo is showing the girls a bit of Aussie hospitality," Brad joked.
Ryan laughed off his mate's doubts. It didn't bother him if they believed him or not. He had to have some excuse for not being around. He couldn't really tell them that he was totally hot for Mac right now, so the "party-twins" were a good excuse. He looked over at Mac, but she wouldn't meet his gaze. Did it bother her? Did it bother her to think about him with other women, the way it bothered him to think about her with the doctor?
They couldn't afford to feel that way each other. Jealousy was a pointless and dangerous emotion at the best of times. Unfortunately that didn't automatically stop it in its tracks. Ryan was rarely jealous; never felt the need to be, but something about Mac brought it out in him. He didn't like the thought of her with anyone if he were honest; hadn't liked thinking about her out with the doctor, but he needed it to work out for her. He needed any reason he could find not to put his hands on her the way he wanted to.
"How's things with the doc?" he asked her.
"Ah, not happening," she told him.
"Why not?" Brad asked. "I thought you said he was perfect."
"He was," Mac told him.
"There was just no spark," Jasmine said. "No chemistry."
"There'll be another guy," Brad told her.
She nodded. "I know."
He hated the fact that she sounded so disappointed. He felt her disappointment, along with a massive helping of dread. If he'd been a little anxious about their upcoming romantic scenes before, he was even more so now. He was going to have to talk to her about it, make sure she knew what was coming this season, and since they were back in the studio tomorrow, he should probably tell her…today.
"So, can we fire up the barbeque now?" Matt asked.
***
"Hey."
Mac startled as Ryan joined her in the kitchen. She'd decided to wash the dishes while everybody else was crammed in front of the television, watching the cricket. She'd rejected all offers of help. There weren't that many dishes, and truthfully she wanted the time-out. She'd been doing her best to pretend things didn't feel awkward between her and Ryan, but they did feel awkward, almost unbearably so. Moreover, her heart rate hadn't returned to normal since he'd shown up at Jazz's. Now that he was standing in the kitchen with her, it was beating too fast. She was too nervous.
"Thanks," she said as she watched him pick up a tea towel.
"No worries."
Ryan had ignored her for the past three weeks, and now they were going to stand in Jazz's kitchen together doing the dishes. Okay, she could roll with it.
"I have your Christmas present at home," she said to him. "You should swing by some time and pick it up."
"Yeah," he said. "I have your Christmas present at home too, though I can probably just tell you what it is."
"Oh?" she said, trying not to sound as desperately curious as she felt.
"Two tickets to the ballet," he said to her.
A grin broke out across her face as her eyes met his. She'd always wanted to go, and she was unbelievably touched he'd remembered. "You're taking me to the ballet?"
"I thought you could go with one of the girls…or a date, or something."
Of course he wasn't taking her to the ballet. What had she thought? That he was going to take her on some kind of date? She was an idiot. She tried to cover her disappointment by wiping her hands on the hand towel next to her, and putting her arms around him to hug him in gratitude.
"That's awesome. Thanks Ryan."
He was completely rigid at first, but then his arms wrapped around her waist, and he was pulling her closer. She closed her eyes and melted against him, enjoying his embrace far more than she knew she should. She waited for him to let her go, but he didn't. His arms stayed around her waist as she pulled back to look into his eyes. His mouth was so close to hers. Was he going to kiss her?
Ryan couldn't take his eyes off her mouth as she ran her tongue over her bottom lip. There was an invitation to kiss her if ever he'd seen one. He wanted to take her up on it so badly. He didn't think he'd ever wanted to kiss a woman as much as he wanted to kiss Mac right now, but if he did, he wouldn't be able to stop with a kiss. He knew that instinctively. He wouldn't be able to stop until he'd buried himself deep inside her, and reached his end.
How was he ever going to do this on set? How was he going to hold her and touch her in front of the cameras, and not reveal exactly how much he wanted her to anyone who might be watching them? She wasn't any less affected by this thing between them than he was either, but he needed her to be on her guard. She might want to act as if nothing was different between them, but it was. He wanted her, and if she didn't stop putting out the signals she was giving out now, they were definitely going to wind up in bed together. He had to warn her they were flirting with danger here.
Mac stood there waiting for him to close the distance between them; but he didn't move in. Why would he, Mac? He's been avoiding you and sleeping with twins. All she'd wanted was to put their friendship back on track, and yet the very first moment they'd had alone tody, she was standing in his arms, wishing he'd kiss her. She was pathetic. No wonder he'd been avoiding her. She went to slip out of his reach, but he grabbed her arm to stop her from moving away. Reluctantly she raised her eyes to meet his.
He took a deep breath. "There's something I have to tell you; something you need to know."