We Grew Up Way Too Fast, Now There's Nothing To Believe...
Hmm... I was originally hoping to put this up on MySpace, but that doesn't seem to be boding fairly with the internet right now. Ah, I'll settle for now.
Right now, I do not know what I am thinking about. My mind is always at a constant blurr right now. I don't think about the past too much. Not what happened two months ago, not what happened two minutes ago. It's like being stuck in perpetual motion. Everything is dependant on the exact thing I am doing right now. Every breath counts right now. Every little facial gesture seems to be having some effect somehow. I almost feel paranoid. It is a truly strange feeling.
It's been a while since I've really been on a computer. I manage to sneak in and out during my 45 minute lunch break. I haven't eaten a lunch in 3 days. I doubt tomorrow will be any different. I'm always rushing to the library to check my e-mail, to look at blogs, and to make appropriate responses. The responses are never anything real, though. Just the usual "Everything is dandy" speech. It seems so prefabricated, the whole "It's beautiful here" speech. The "School will be hard," and "I wish I had these liberties." Like, I know I could go to google, paste my responses in the search box, and find many blog entries with almost identical sentences from other people that have come and passes from Monterey...
My entire time here, personality-wise, has seemed superficial. Lately, I have tried to make sure that my outgoing side gets out. I smile more, and I am more spontaneous. People seem to like it, and that's good and all, but I don't really know if I can continue to be how I used to. I really do feel like a different person. My TI told me that if and when I go back to my home, and when I hang out with my old friends, that they will be exactly the same. And they will do the same things that I did before I left, play the same jokes, say the same words. And he said that I would look at them, and just think "What the fuck are you guys doing?" I really can't see myself doing that, but I really don't know at this moment. I still feel like how I did before I left, but I have noticed I act a lot differently around other people. It's all very strange to me.
Ahh, and I am at a loss for time right now. We are so very busy doing everything, the only real break we get is on the weekends. This upcoming weekend, Memorial Weekend, is to be a 4 day weekend, FSSM. I hear we are stuck on base during that time. That is a shame... Oh, I drove around in a car today with my new mentor, and we drove really close to the bayside gate. The view was just beautiful. I can't wait to get out to the beach, to sit out there and just soak in the atmosphere... That's what I need... A break...
Well, I'm sure I've written more that I should be able to. I'm sorry I don't get around to writing personal e-mails. All of my computer time is given into balancing finances and studying. Speaking of finances, I accidentaly purchased a $5000 computer. There is no way in fuck I will be able to afford that, so I'm hoping that I can get my Alienware Financing through, and be able to make the monthly payments. Otherwise, I'll be in debt for 4 months. Joy... Oh, make sure my family doesn't get note of this.
And on that note, please make sure all of my friends check my blogs out. This will be my only real form of life-updating I can afford until said computer gets in. When I get it, there is internet in the dayroom 4 doors away from mine. I will make timeley visist, and I'll actually be able to get on MSN and whatnot.
Mmmm... So yeah. Please make sure you write me e-mails, everyone. I read every last one of them, and while I don't respond with my daily occurances like you guys do, I will try to answer specific questions. I really am trying, people. I mean, if you want to do my work for a day while I write e-mails to everyone I know, please come over. I could use a break that's more than 45 minutes long.
Alright, I'm sounding mad now. I will make sure to talk to you all later.
Right now, I do not know what I am thinking about. My mind is always at a constant blurr right now. I don't think about the past too much. Not what happened two months ago, not what happened two minutes ago. It's like being stuck in perpetual motion. Everything is dependant on the exact thing I am doing right now. Every breath counts right now. Every little facial gesture seems to be having some effect somehow. I almost feel paranoid. It is a truly strange feeling.
It's been a while since I've really been on a computer. I manage to sneak in and out during my 45 minute lunch break. I haven't eaten a lunch in 3 days. I doubt tomorrow will be any different. I'm always rushing to the library to check my e-mail, to look at blogs, and to make appropriate responses. The responses are never anything real, though. Just the usual "Everything is dandy" speech. It seems so prefabricated, the whole "It's beautiful here" speech. The "School will be hard," and "I wish I had these liberties." Like, I know I could go to google, paste my responses in the search box, and find many blog entries with almost identical sentences from other people that have come and passes from Monterey...
My entire time here, personality-wise, has seemed superficial. Lately, I have tried to make sure that my outgoing side gets out. I smile more, and I am more spontaneous. People seem to like it, and that's good and all, but I don't really know if I can continue to be how I used to. I really do feel like a different person. My TI told me that if and when I go back to my home, and when I hang out with my old friends, that they will be exactly the same. And they will do the same things that I did before I left, play the same jokes, say the same words. And he said that I would look at them, and just think "What the fuck are you guys doing?" I really can't see myself doing that, but I really don't know at this moment. I still feel like how I did before I left, but I have noticed I act a lot differently around other people. It's all very strange to me.
Ahh, and I am at a loss for time right now. We are so very busy doing everything, the only real break we get is on the weekends. This upcoming weekend, Memorial Weekend, is to be a 4 day weekend, FSSM. I hear we are stuck on base during that time. That is a shame... Oh, I drove around in a car today with my new mentor, and we drove really close to the bayside gate. The view was just beautiful. I can't wait to get out to the beach, to sit out there and just soak in the atmosphere... That's what I need... A break...
Well, I'm sure I've written more that I should be able to. I'm sorry I don't get around to writing personal e-mails. All of my computer time is given into balancing finances and studying. Speaking of finances, I accidentaly purchased a $5000 computer. There is no way in fuck I will be able to afford that, so I'm hoping that I can get my Alienware Financing through, and be able to make the monthly payments. Otherwise, I'll be in debt for 4 months. Joy... Oh, make sure my family doesn't get note of this.
And on that note, please make sure all of my friends check my blogs out. This will be my only real form of life-updating I can afford until said computer gets in. When I get it, there is internet in the dayroom 4 doors away from mine. I will make timeley visist, and I'll actually be able to get on MSN and whatnot.
Mmmm... So yeah. Please make sure you write me e-mails, everyone. I read every last one of them, and while I don't respond with my daily occurances like you guys do, I will try to answer specific questions. I really am trying, people. I mean, if you want to do my work for a day while I write e-mails to everyone I know, please come over. I could use a break that's more than 45 minutes long.
Alright, I'm sounding mad now. I will make sure to talk to you all later.