(no subject)
I wrote earlier about something to do with my group. I am just tired of this same thing over and over again. My members say that they are too, but te turn and do the same thing as before. I got a message from one of my members saying that she needed to talk to me, about something that bothered her (i guess that I did) I havent seen or heard from her in like almost a week. Why is it that when something goes down, its me that ends up being the wrong one. People fight my wisdom and authority as a leader, then they expect the world from me. Its not fair. We set up guidelines just the other day, and when I call something out, its "well do what you gotta do" as if I am the reason something is happening. I hate this more than anything, it depresses me, it sickens me. I spent the majority of today curled in a ball on my couch, trying to forget the phone conversation I had today. I just cant deal with it anymore, people dont realize the affect they have on my dreams, and the hopes that keep me alive. They are killing it. I dont want this, I dont want to be the one that end the end is always left to hang dry, left to figure it out, when I devote much of my existence to this dream. I am so hurt once again, by the people that say they are serious about this thing we call a group. but I see it never being more than a dream because the people around me dont really take it seriously. Its wrong for me to put myself in compromising positions, but its ok for them. No its not.