Hot on The Press....
This month has been a month of extreme challene and learning. I have found myself stretched to my maximum, and not ust for an hour or a night. Its as if the evening has turned into an endeless night. But I know it must end soon. I prepare for the rush when things begin moving again. So much stuff has to be done in such a little time; so much frustration released into ambition to move.
I wish I could vacation somewhere, somewhere where no one can call or stop by. No bill collectors can agitate, no fake friends to salt wounds. Just a time to regroup and heal. Somewhere where I can begin again. Notice how I said vacation, not retreat. If I were to retreat I would never return. I need a vacation, somewhere where I can stop regroup, reassess and rejuvinate anf then move again.
Have you ever cooked something and as it began cooking it cooked so fast that you took the pot handle and removed it from the fire only for a moment so that it could cool down enough to cook properly?
I feel like that, like if I dont get an opportunity to cool a bit, I will be burnt in no time. Just a moment. I asked for one, but at this stage in the game , its not really an option.
So how do you be that thing that everyone else needs yet at the same time be what you need? Finding that balance is not the easiest thing in the world to do.. I think if I had time to reflect, I could be stronger.
But then again you think about the metal gold. It has no opportunity to cool, the hotter the better. The more heat, the more purified. The more heat, the more worth. The more heat, the better me.
It is the heat that pulls out everything, it brings the worst to the surface. But in it, you cant see the best in Gold. before that the true beauty of it is covered by the dirt and rocks. The weight. Gold is heavy by itself.
It doesnt need to carry extra weight. But Gold is stubborn , its a hard metal that cannot be cleansed on its own. It takes a refiner.
I am breaking under my own will, and I love every moment of it, because since I have a tendency to be unconsiously stubborn, forgetting that its His way I need, He comes in when He feels that I need to be broken and refined.
So there are two feelings here, one that enjoys the fire and knows that its needed to produce purity. And the other that feels like a break would be needed. Which one? I know.
I wish I could vacation somewhere, somewhere where no one can call or stop by. No bill collectors can agitate, no fake friends to salt wounds. Just a time to regroup and heal. Somewhere where I can begin again. Notice how I said vacation, not retreat. If I were to retreat I would never return. I need a vacation, somewhere where I can stop regroup, reassess and rejuvinate anf then move again.
Have you ever cooked something and as it began cooking it cooked so fast that you took the pot handle and removed it from the fire only for a moment so that it could cool down enough to cook properly?
I feel like that, like if I dont get an opportunity to cool a bit, I will be burnt in no time. Just a moment. I asked for one, but at this stage in the game , its not really an option.
So how do you be that thing that everyone else needs yet at the same time be what you need? Finding that balance is not the easiest thing in the world to do.. I think if I had time to reflect, I could be stronger.
But then again you think about the metal gold. It has no opportunity to cool, the hotter the better. The more heat, the more purified. The more heat, the more worth. The more heat, the better me.
It is the heat that pulls out everything, it brings the worst to the surface. But in it, you cant see the best in Gold. before that the true beauty of it is covered by the dirt and rocks. The weight. Gold is heavy by itself.
It doesnt need to carry extra weight. But Gold is stubborn , its a hard metal that cannot be cleansed on its own. It takes a refiner.
I am breaking under my own will, and I love every moment of it, because since I have a tendency to be unconsiously stubborn, forgetting that its His way I need, He comes in when He feels that I need to be broken and refined.
So there are two feelings here, one that enjoys the fire and knows that its needed to produce purity. And the other that feels like a break would be needed. Which one? I know.