Existence
2006 is a piece of shit. All it has been is the reaping of damaged relationships from 2005. I've discovered the loss of 3 of my closest friends so far. I wonder how many more there will be? Or is this just the start? Perhaps, soon everyone will spend their time pretending I don't exist except when it's unaviodable. Perhaps, when nobody beleives that I do exist I will cease to exist? Is what we perceive as existing only defined by our awareness of it? When a door is closed, perhaps nothing exists beyond it until we open the door. I've been spending most of January pretending that I don't exist anyhow; what with running home to mommy as soon as my classes are done. I have the right to exist. Or I had. Perhaps with the New Year comes the establishment of a new value system in which existence is granted by need. If I don't need to exist, perhaps Karma is taking the right away from me, slowly and heartwrenchingly. It makes me want to scream, cry, or break something just to be noticed; but it also makes me want to submit. This may be the motivating factor behind my hiding out at my mom's house. I merely want to slip away from this finite universe and cease prolonging the unavoidable.