Breakin up is hard to doo-oo...

[lovebuffalo]

Things with Bethy have become much more painful than I ever expected them to be. I had hope that things could go back to the way they were what with her blessed forgiving nature, however, it is not going that smoothly at all. I got the feeling the other night when she got really mad over nothing that she was really lashing out at me. I doubt she wants to, but she does and it really hurts, but I guess she feels I deserve it for hurting her like I did. I dunno. I just about went mad earlier tonight after spending another evening in her presence. It just pains me that I could've gotten someone to resent me enough to feel the way she does. She's probably going to get mad at me for even talking about it, not that I see any reason behind it, but I've realized that reason has nothing to do with it. Anger is an emotion and reason does not apply and should not, it just took me longer to realize it that something that obvious should. I dunno, things are so weird right now. During the movie, Kaylee started snuggling up to me, even though Beth and Erik were there. And I hung out with Elizabeth the first 5 days she got back just b/c it's so refreshing to be with a girl that reasons like a guy. It seems that Bethy expects me to think like a girl, and that things probably have ulterior (spelling?) motives. This is rarely the case, I think simply. "Lets hang out" means 'lets hang out b/c obviously I want to hang out w/ you or I wouldn't suggest it', or in short, 'lets hang out.' Whatever. I just know that at all costs I must avoid any committed relationship b/c I just started rediscovering who I am after breaking up with Beth.

Disclaimer: Do not draw any conclusions about people other than myself from this blog. This is not a source of information, but a discussion about my messy feelings and flawed mental health; as per usual.