this is it.
i've said all that i can say. i've cried all the tears i had to left cry. i've done my part in obsessing, pleading, and clinging on. i've put myself through more than enough to realize what once was never was nor will it ever be. i just hope for my sanity's sake that i am strong enough to realize my weakness...is that irony? i've been holding on to thin air, holding on to a fraying thread. Sinking and drowning in my own fabricated story line of what should have happened. Enough is enough.
the white flag has been raised, the towel has been thrown. a decade of friendship, a decade of lingering feelings, a decade of holding on. the short relief from decades of wondering what-if turned itself into the ugliest saga of my emotions. it's almost funny how something could be so beautiful and so euphoric when it's in front of you, you forget that it could trample over you and stomp you right into the dirt without hesitation.
but this moment has to happen. time to pick yourself back up, you have to stand tall and walk away...wounds, scars, tears, and all. you have to walk away for good because some closure is better than none, right?? because a sometimes friend is no friend at all.
i hope one day he'll see this. i hope one day he'll get to experience something so strong that it overtakes his being, even if for a brief moment in time. i hope one day when he'll get this day to feel as much, he'll think back about these times and i hope he'll find some understanding in the way i felt.
and maybe one day from now, i'll be able to throw all of my affections and love towards one basket and have it returned back to me. today is not the day and he won't be that basket. this is the last time i put myself out there for him.
maybe i'll cry a few more times and maybe a few more nights of crying myself to sleep, but it'll be for me. I'll mend how I mend.
the white flag has been raised, the towel has been thrown. a decade of friendship, a decade of lingering feelings, a decade of holding on. the short relief from decades of wondering what-if turned itself into the ugliest saga of my emotions. it's almost funny how something could be so beautiful and so euphoric when it's in front of you, you forget that it could trample over you and stomp you right into the dirt without hesitation.
but this moment has to happen. time to pick yourself back up, you have to stand tall and walk away...wounds, scars, tears, and all. you have to walk away for good because some closure is better than none, right?? because a sometimes friend is no friend at all.
i hope one day he'll see this. i hope one day he'll get to experience something so strong that it overtakes his being, even if for a brief moment in time. i hope one day when he'll get this day to feel as much, he'll think back about these times and i hope he'll find some understanding in the way i felt.
and maybe one day from now, i'll be able to throw all of my affections and love towards one basket and have it returned back to me. today is not the day and he won't be that basket. this is the last time i put myself out there for him.
maybe i'll cry a few more times and maybe a few more nights of crying myself to sleep, but it'll be for me. I'll mend how I mend.