...
i guess some things just stay with you more than others. sometimes it's just easier to let yourself wallow and lose yourself a little bit before it gets better. it just feels so heavy, everything just feels so heavy. i can't wake up without thinking about it, i can't fall asleep without dreaming about it...but i can't actually show how i'm feeling, right?? there's something out there about being a strong independent woman.
but this just hurts. this hurts in the kind of way i haven't felt in a long time. i don't have anyone else to blame for this though, just myself. i was foolish, i was delusional, i thought i actually meant something. i made the mistake of believing in my own fallacy. i can't be mad at anyone and i can't expect anyone to be there when i fall apart because that would be another expectation in itself.
the question is why do i constantly do this to myself? why do i allow myself to feel this way? i just want this to be over. i don't want to think about it, i don't want to obsess over it, i don't any of it. i want to go back and stop myself from thinking that there was any kind of potential.
he doesn't care. he will never care. it doesn't matter if it was all just a game, you fell for it. you were dumb enough to let yourself believe in some make-believe narrative, but that's not what real life is. it's almost like you'll always be destine to trip yourself, so you can watch yourself struggle to get back up. it's always been that way so why wouldn't it always will be??
so what lesson have we learned here?? have we learned anything at all?
but this just hurts. this hurts in the kind of way i haven't felt in a long time. i don't have anyone else to blame for this though, just myself. i was foolish, i was delusional, i thought i actually meant something. i made the mistake of believing in my own fallacy. i can't be mad at anyone and i can't expect anyone to be there when i fall apart because that would be another expectation in itself.
the question is why do i constantly do this to myself? why do i allow myself to feel this way? i just want this to be over. i don't want to think about it, i don't want to obsess over it, i don't any of it. i want to go back and stop myself from thinking that there was any kind of potential.
he doesn't care. he will never care. it doesn't matter if it was all just a game, you fell for it. you were dumb enough to let yourself believe in some make-believe narrative, but that's not what real life is. it's almost like you'll always be destine to trip yourself, so you can watch yourself struggle to get back up. it's always been that way so why wouldn't it always will be??
so what lesson have we learned here?? have we learned anything at all?