time keeps moving along
there's always a part of me that constantly feels defeated about where i'm headed and who i am. it's scary to be so lost after so many years. after all this time, so many years lived, i still don't feel as though i belong anywhere. i'm just so tired of feeling so misplaced. i don't want to move from house to house, body to body. for once, i just want to feel as though i can call someone or somewhere or something home without hesitation.
there's always a part of me that wants to believe in some fantasy that the best is yet to come, that the future has in store something so phenomenal for me that i can't grasp in the present moment, but that's fading, like everything else, it fades. and i know i just do this to myself. every choice i've made have led me to this point in my life. i guess what i wasn't prepared to do was deal with the consequences of the yesterdays.
as always and as usual, there is a limbo i just can't get myself out of. i'm surrounded by this overwhelming feeling of loneliness and my mind just keeps racing without resolution. how do others seem to have things so together and figured out? my day has to be right around the corner, right?? this anticipation and wishful thinking of something better to come has me on the edge of my seat in the worst kind of way.
that's the thing about it though, it's all just in my head. it's all just self-inflicted boulders on my shoulders, but i dare not show an inkling of it to anyone. i have to keep trying to see the good and the beauty somewhere and somehow. i have to.
there's always a part of me that wants to believe in some fantasy that the best is yet to come, that the future has in store something so phenomenal for me that i can't grasp in the present moment, but that's fading, like everything else, it fades. and i know i just do this to myself. every choice i've made have led me to this point in my life. i guess what i wasn't prepared to do was deal with the consequences of the yesterdays.
as always and as usual, there is a limbo i just can't get myself out of. i'm surrounded by this overwhelming feeling of loneliness and my mind just keeps racing without resolution. how do others seem to have things so together and figured out? my day has to be right around the corner, right?? this anticipation and wishful thinking of something better to come has me on the edge of my seat in the worst kind of way.
that's the thing about it though, it's all just in my head. it's all just self-inflicted boulders on my shoulders, but i dare not show an inkling of it to anyone. i have to keep trying to see the good and the beauty somewhere and somehow. i have to.