It's Just Emotions Taking Me Over
Well, last night I had my infamous emotional breakdown. It wasn't too bad though. I think Connor could tell something was up last nigh. That and he had his own emotional problems to tell me about. *sigh* I played pool with him last night at Chris' house, and he owes me a cake and something else undecided. Apparently, it can be anything I want though. ^^ Well, last night, I finally realized why I wasn't okay with Connor smoking cigarettes and weed.
Now, almost every boyfriend has done one or both of those things. I guess I just feel alone in the group. I'm the only one that doesn't do that shit. Last night, I think Connor read into my emotions and saw the way I change when he smokes. Distant and quiet. I guess I make it blatantly obvious. I thought Crystal might have told him something when they were outside smoking pot last night, but I guess not. Even if she did, I'm glad because he's not gonna smoke pot anymore. According to him, he feels like he's doing it to try to fit in. He sees that I don't smoke, so my friends obviously like me for the person I am, the person I've always been inside. He wants everyone to like him for who he is, but I know they already do.
That's something that occassionally comes back to haunt me though. Not feeling like I belong in the group. I'm, dare I say it, different. I don't smoke anything (cigarettes occasionally), basically only drink. I graduated high school. No one else in my close group of friends has, except Rosie (Only GEDs and high school dropouts). Sometimes, I feel like an outsider merely watching over this group of people, but deep down, I know I'm much more. I play a significant role, especially talking one-on-one with people. I give them guidance, and help them solve their problems. I'm the certified group problem solver, kind of a therapist in a way. ;P
As for Connor, he occassionally gets low self-esteem, and is unsure of himself. I'm constantly trying to convince him that he's so much more than he thinks he is, but I guess I'm in the same boat, too. There are times when I don't really see myself for what I'm truly worth. Sure enough, last night, he regurgitated my own words about him back to me. =) It was nice. At least he sees it. =P He also wants to go back to school, take some classes, figure out what he wants to do with his life. I know he can do it. Like I told him, most people know a little bit about a lot of things, but he knows a lot about a lot of things. =) I tried to boost his ego a little last night, and I hope it worked because every word was truthful.
Well, we're both emotionally stable now. He thinks I'm gonna drop him like a hot potato, but like I told him last night, I'm not going anywhere. I care about him way too much to fucking hurt him. There's no way I'm gonna be torn away from him.
Off the subject: Does anyone know if there's still alphabet soup at the store? Maybe I'm not looking hard enough, but I didn't see any the last time I went. -_-
Now, almost every boyfriend has done one or both of those things. I guess I just feel alone in the group. I'm the only one that doesn't do that shit. Last night, I think Connor read into my emotions and saw the way I change when he smokes. Distant and quiet. I guess I make it blatantly obvious. I thought Crystal might have told him something when they were outside smoking pot last night, but I guess not. Even if she did, I'm glad because he's not gonna smoke pot anymore. According to him, he feels like he's doing it to try to fit in. He sees that I don't smoke, so my friends obviously like me for the person I am, the person I've always been inside. He wants everyone to like him for who he is, but I know they already do.
That's something that occassionally comes back to haunt me though. Not feeling like I belong in the group. I'm, dare I say it, different. I don't smoke anything (cigarettes occasionally), basically only drink. I graduated high school. No one else in my close group of friends has, except Rosie (Only GEDs and high school dropouts). Sometimes, I feel like an outsider merely watching over this group of people, but deep down, I know I'm much more. I play a significant role, especially talking one-on-one with people. I give them guidance, and help them solve their problems. I'm the certified group problem solver, kind of a therapist in a way. ;P
As for Connor, he occassionally gets low self-esteem, and is unsure of himself. I'm constantly trying to convince him that he's so much more than he thinks he is, but I guess I'm in the same boat, too. There are times when I don't really see myself for what I'm truly worth. Sure enough, last night, he regurgitated my own words about him back to me. =) It was nice. At least he sees it. =P He also wants to go back to school, take some classes, figure out what he wants to do with his life. I know he can do it. Like I told him, most people know a little bit about a lot of things, but he knows a lot about a lot of things. =) I tried to boost his ego a little last night, and I hope it worked because every word was truthful.
Well, we're both emotionally stable now. He thinks I'm gonna drop him like a hot potato, but like I told him last night, I'm not going anywhere. I care about him way too much to fucking hurt him. There's no way I'm gonna be torn away from him.
Off the subject: Does anyone know if there's still alphabet soup at the store? Maybe I'm not looking hard enough, but I didn't see any the last time I went. -_-