BRING IT ON HOME! CONTAGIOUS!
On Sunday, April 1, 2007, I had the BEST DAY EVER! I went to Myrtle Beach to see the greatest band ever--THE ISLEY BROTHERS! I swear, I had so much fun! I think I promised a blow by blow...or at least what I can remember. I planned to have this jammed packed with pictures, but my good pics are in cyber hell and Suncom and Sidekick II are the DEVIL!
Ok, well, my BFF and I drove the House of Blues in Myrtle Beach and we got there a few minutes to 7 and the show didnt start until after 9. I had to buy new hair for this auspicious occasion because all of my hair attempts had fallen through. So, I did my makeup and got dressed in the car--yes, bra-age and belly ring-age for all of the House of Blues parking lot to see. I had to do it Diva style for this--it's the Isleys for God's sake! I wore this cute white top from Express, my skinny jeans from GAP, my off white and brown logo BCBG stilettos, and a brown fur capelet.
So, we got out to go get the tickets and we had to stand in line until the doors opened at 8. Standing in line for over an hour in heels wasn't THAT bad, but it started to get on my nerves. We were stuck behind these 4 crazy white women. They arrived via cab and planned to get wasted and take a cab back home. One of the ladies almost got jumped because I swear I thought I heard her ask who the Isleys were. Truth is, she asked how old they were. She wasnt talking to me, so I didnt answer her. They're old, though. I see nothing wrong with that. Hell, white people worship the Rolling Stones and those bastards are 2 steps from dead.
I got bit by a Myrtle Beach mosquito. That shit hurt hardcore. I still have that damn mark on my chest. I keep forgetting that it's a bug bite and I scratched it a few times. Oh well. So, the doors opened a little after 8 and they did a sweep of our bags--they didnt even check my BFFs purse and her shit was huge. We could've so snuck our cameras in there. No one told me that there were no real seats in this joint. It's a fawking pit. There were some random stools, but you KNOW they were the first to go. People were taking stools with them into the bathrooms and whatnot. I thought it was funny. What I thought was funnier was the fact that there's a lady in the bathroom that sits on a stool and hands you paper towels after you wash your hands. There's all kinds of crazy hair products lined up on the sink, too. That was hella weird.
After the bathroom, I had to find my BFF who somehow figured I was upstairs when there was a BIG ASS sign that clearly stated that the bathroom was right in front of her face. We got back together and had to find a place to sit. We sat on the stairs close to the left or right side of the stage--depends on where you were standing. Did I mention this thing was packed? People everywhere. There were smokers, drinkers, and complainers and we got stuck next to all of the above. And we listened to an hours worth of James Brown. I forgot how much I liked that guy. And it's the reason I've been randomly screaming 'HOT PANTS!' My favorite James Brown line ever,
"What we gon do now, James?" "I dont know, but whatsomever it is, it's GOT to be funky!"
After all the James Brown, the announcer pumped up the crowd and the curtains were drawn back and there was Ernie Isley on his guitar. I'm cool with Ernie...I think I could actually take Ernie in a fight. I'm taller than him! Well, at least it looked as if I were taller than him. Then came Ron and I swear we were close enough to them that if we took a few steps to the left, we could've touched them. Talk about women screaming their heads off--I mean damn, it was so serious. I kept wondering if the wife were with him and it didnt dawn on me to take some steps back and look. Kandy was right where I couldn't see her from my primo position. I'm cool with that girl.
Remember JS? The Johnson Sisters aka Come and Get a Scoop of my Ice Cream, Baby/JS Got the Flavors that I know Will Drive You Crazy/Tonight it's Gon Be Like We was Dreaming, Baby/Wont You Taste My Ice Cream? It was originally 3 of them--Krystal, Kandis, and Kimberly--that sang back up for Michael Jackson, Christina Agumawhatta, some gospel folks, sang the theme song for TNBC original show 'One World,' and even were the original backup singers at the club on Ally McBeal, before singing backup for the Isley Brothers. He married middle sister, Kandy, while older sister Krystal is married to Philip Bailey of Earth, Wind, and Fire fame and younger sister Kim is now the first and only female vocalist for Earth, Wind, and Fire.
Anywho, Ron Isley sang his ass off for 1 hour and 40 minutes. I swear he sang damn near every song in their catalog--Shout, Twist & Shout, Take Me to the Next Phase, It's Your Thang, Who's That Lady, Don't Say Goodnight--
He asked if anyone was going home alone that night and reluctantly the BFF and I raised our hands...it was quite embarrasing...
--The Pride, snipet of At Your Best, Groove With You, Choosey Lover, Hello It's Me, Make Me Say it Again Girl, Summer Breeze, Voyage to Atlantis,--
The featured dancer for 'Voyage to Atlantis' is Aurora and she's really friggin gorgeous. So, when she came out to dance around him, this one dude would come out of the shadows and take pics with his camera phone. She left the stage for a few and came back out and this dude comes back out with his camera phone and snapped some more pics. [Insert Stalker Comments, Now]
--Just Came Here to Chill, What Would You Do, Friend of Mine (phone convo)/Down Low interlude, Contagious--
This drunk women behind my BFF (Whom I love more than words because she's my friggin sister who is the only person that I can have a conversation with little or absolutely no words and die laughing from) kept sreaming 'BRING IN ON HOME! BRING IT ON HOME! CONTAGIOUS! CONTAGIOUS!' I'm guessing she was ready to go home. We were just wondering why she was so damn loud.
--Between the Sheets and he sang James Brown's 'I Got that Feeling' (I know you remember that episode of the Cosby show with Rudy coming out of the shadow with her sunglasses--'Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby...I got that feeling....baby, baby, I got that feeling) and Fight the Power.
Now to insert even more of the funniest things to ever happen to me and in general.
Ron Isley did a lot of talking in between sets, he talked about the longevity of the group and said that 'Shout' was their first hit in 1959. 19-fugging-59. This man is almost 66 years old. Two years younger than my grandmother. He actually said,
"Hey, thank your grandmothers for sticking with us for all these years!"
And I'm lying to you NOT when I say he was looking dead square at my BFF and me. No lie. We screamed back: WE WILL!! And he started laughing his ass off. Tell me he wasn't talking to us. Dude started rolling! I swear.
...what else...hmm..oh, he introduced the band and it was the tightest intro ever....you know, everyone shows off their instumental skills, the drummer, keyboardist, the other guitar player, the sax man, and last but not least, his wife, Kandy. When he said 'and this...this is my wife, Kandy' I think half the audience all ran over from my side to see what she looked like. I mean, if we were on a cruise ship, we'd have tipped over cause all the weight shifted. She's a beautiful girl up close and she's got the hugest rock on her finger that my BFF and I have ever had the pleasure of player hating. Seriously.
There's all this space between the end of 'Summer Breeze' because Ernie gets to let loose on the guitar and riff forever and a day, so Ron goes to get changed for the second half of the show and he comes out in his BET Awards suit that he performed in. I'm a HARDCORE fan, so I know these things. Dude had on so much red, I was feigning for some kool-aid. He was sharp, though. At least the drunken loud woman behind us agreed. "YOU LOOK SHARP BOY! SANG BOY!"
He came back in his red everything and taked about the lastest album they dropped, "Baby Making Music." And he says how he kept listening to it, bringing it home all the time and he said he took his own advice and he made a baby. I swear, this was the greatest crowd ever. Everyone was like 'Uh....WOW.' My BFF was in a total 'TMI' trance...especially after Aurora felt up his leg and at the end of 'Make Me Say It Again Girl' he said "Dont go to Jenny Craig...cause Jenny dont know how good it was before you lost the weight." Yes he did. But I'm standing there like am I the only one who knows these things. Yes, I'm a HARDCORE fan and because I still occasionally read Jet magazine! WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO STILL READS JET!? That's how I found out they were married--besides it being on all the black gossip blogs.
He talked about his 3 month old son, RJ (Ronald O'Kelly Isley, Jr.) and people were still stuck on shock, but they went with it. What else...oh! 'Contagious'...I swear, people sing that song like it happened to them. I mean, singing this song like they were all burned by a live in girlfriend who they found sleeping with the dude that they'd just beaten up in another video whose name they can't remember and it turns into a 3 part hip hopera. If you could've seen the faces of the people singing, you'd have laughed your ass off.
"What the hell is going on, Between the Sheets in my home?!"
"Baby, wait, let me explain, before you start to point your cane."
"I'm about to have a fit!"
"Oh, it's about to be some shit. How did I get into this? Should've never come home with this bitch."
"You low down, dirty, Woman. Back to where you come from!"
"But, Baby, wait!"
"Wait my ass! Hit the streets, your ass is grass!"
"Now, Mr. Biggs, before you're done--"
"Wait, how you know my name son?"
"Honey, wait, I was gonna tell you--"
"Move, this cat looks real familiar."
"No, no."
"Now dont I know you from somewhere a long time ago?"
"No, no, I dont think so."
"Yeah, yeah. I feel I know you brother, very well."
"No. no, you mistaking me for somebody else."
"Frank!"
"SHUT UP! Can't you see two men are talking?!"
"But--"
"Thought I told your ass to get to walking! Now, I think y'all had better leave my place, cause I'm about to catch a case!"
I mean, everybody and their mama and their grandmama knows this song. What makes people become Academy Award winning actors when they hear this? One person singing 3 parts to a song, trying to be 3 different people and whatnot. He-LARRY-us. When Biggs got to 'Shut up' I swear to you--FUNNIEST SHIT EVER--everyone in the crowd yells "SHADDUP!" and he tries so hard not to laugh while he sang. I mean, straight 'SHADDUP!''ed the girl. I would've fell out laughing on the stage had I been her. I've never seen a large group of people band together for the greater good of silencing and unfaithful partner before. Greatest Crowd Ever.
That night, I realized my life's goal:
I want to be a backup dancer for Ron Isley. I swear. You think I'm playing, but I'm not. I mean...this trumps my old goal of wanting to be a 'Club Comic View' dancer. Seriously. I can hang with Aurora'nem. All I need to do is practice and work out and I'm good to go. Get me up there in some lycra and some lingerie with my sick six pack and I'm bomb status. Hear me clearly when I say this to you. Your girl's got game. The Beyonce impersonations are no joke. I know Tina Turner's "Proud Mary" routine. One day you'll see me up there getting down to 'Between the Sheets' doing the swimming sperm dance.
I honestly took a crap load of pictures that night and I e-mailed them all to myself and long story short, the e-mails never sent, my pictures are all gone, my SKII was/is a piece of crap, and I had to pay for a brand new phone. *sigh* I swear, in December, I'm done with Suncom.
Ernie Isley funking it up for his big bruh
Uh...more funk, I guess...I just know there was a lot of it. The joint was funky!
The Isley Brothers!
Mr. Biggs (actually Biggs comes out at the end of the show--red e'rethang and all...but I lost those pictures :( )
"Who's That Lady?" Aurora Allain--please believe me, she's the truth!
Ron and Ernie putting it down
"Twist & Shout" ...you know you twist so fine...
"Twist & Shout" you cant see the girls working it out that well, but they were doing something. Platinum blonde wigs and all.
Uh...I guess this is Ron, Ernie and maybe a dancer...
There's one last picture and if I can get some act right out of this internet connection, I'll put it up.
Ok, well, my BFF and I drove the House of Blues in Myrtle Beach and we got there a few minutes to 7 and the show didnt start until after 9. I had to buy new hair for this auspicious occasion because all of my hair attempts had fallen through. So, I did my makeup and got dressed in the car--yes, bra-age and belly ring-age for all of the House of Blues parking lot to see. I had to do it Diva style for this--it's the Isleys for God's sake! I wore this cute white top from Express, my skinny jeans from GAP, my off white and brown logo BCBG stilettos, and a brown fur capelet.
So, we got out to go get the tickets and we had to stand in line until the doors opened at 8. Standing in line for over an hour in heels wasn't THAT bad, but it started to get on my nerves. We were stuck behind these 4 crazy white women. They arrived via cab and planned to get wasted and take a cab back home. One of the ladies almost got jumped because I swear I thought I heard her ask who the Isleys were. Truth is, she asked how old they were. She wasnt talking to me, so I didnt answer her. They're old, though. I see nothing wrong with that. Hell, white people worship the Rolling Stones and those bastards are 2 steps from dead.
I got bit by a Myrtle Beach mosquito. That shit hurt hardcore. I still have that damn mark on my chest. I keep forgetting that it's a bug bite and I scratched it a few times. Oh well. So, the doors opened a little after 8 and they did a sweep of our bags--they didnt even check my BFFs purse and her shit was huge. We could've so snuck our cameras in there. No one told me that there were no real seats in this joint. It's a fawking pit. There were some random stools, but you KNOW they were the first to go. People were taking stools with them into the bathrooms and whatnot. I thought it was funny. What I thought was funnier was the fact that there's a lady in the bathroom that sits on a stool and hands you paper towels after you wash your hands. There's all kinds of crazy hair products lined up on the sink, too. That was hella weird.
After the bathroom, I had to find my BFF who somehow figured I was upstairs when there was a BIG ASS sign that clearly stated that the bathroom was right in front of her face. We got back together and had to find a place to sit. We sat on the stairs close to the left or right side of the stage--depends on where you were standing. Did I mention this thing was packed? People everywhere. There were smokers, drinkers, and complainers and we got stuck next to all of the above. And we listened to an hours worth of James Brown. I forgot how much I liked that guy. And it's the reason I've been randomly screaming 'HOT PANTS!' My favorite James Brown line ever,
"What we gon do now, James?" "I dont know, but whatsomever it is, it's GOT to be funky!"
After all the James Brown, the announcer pumped up the crowd and the curtains were drawn back and there was Ernie Isley on his guitar. I'm cool with Ernie...I think I could actually take Ernie in a fight. I'm taller than him! Well, at least it looked as if I were taller than him. Then came Ron and I swear we were close enough to them that if we took a few steps to the left, we could've touched them. Talk about women screaming their heads off--I mean damn, it was so serious. I kept wondering if the wife were with him and it didnt dawn on me to take some steps back and look. Kandy was right where I couldn't see her from my primo position. I'm cool with that girl.
Remember JS? The Johnson Sisters aka Come and Get a Scoop of my Ice Cream, Baby/JS Got the Flavors that I know Will Drive You Crazy/Tonight it's Gon Be Like We was Dreaming, Baby/Wont You Taste My Ice Cream? It was originally 3 of them--Krystal, Kandis, and Kimberly--that sang back up for Michael Jackson, Christina Agumawhatta, some gospel folks, sang the theme song for TNBC original show 'One World,' and even were the original backup singers at the club on Ally McBeal, before singing backup for the Isley Brothers. He married middle sister, Kandy, while older sister Krystal is married to Philip Bailey of Earth, Wind, and Fire fame and younger sister Kim is now the first and only female vocalist for Earth, Wind, and Fire.
Anywho, Ron Isley sang his ass off for 1 hour and 40 minutes. I swear he sang damn near every song in their catalog--Shout, Twist & Shout, Take Me to the Next Phase, It's Your Thang, Who's That Lady, Don't Say Goodnight--
He asked if anyone was going home alone that night and reluctantly the BFF and I raised our hands...it was quite embarrasing...
--The Pride, snipet of At Your Best, Groove With You, Choosey Lover, Hello It's Me, Make Me Say it Again Girl, Summer Breeze, Voyage to Atlantis,--
The featured dancer for 'Voyage to Atlantis' is Aurora and she's really friggin gorgeous. So, when she came out to dance around him, this one dude would come out of the shadows and take pics with his camera phone. She left the stage for a few and came back out and this dude comes back out with his camera phone and snapped some more pics. [Insert Stalker Comments, Now]
--Just Came Here to Chill, What Would You Do, Friend of Mine (phone convo)/Down Low interlude, Contagious--
This drunk women behind my BFF (Whom I love more than words because she's my friggin sister who is the only person that I can have a conversation with little or absolutely no words and die laughing from) kept sreaming 'BRING IN ON HOME! BRING IT ON HOME! CONTAGIOUS! CONTAGIOUS!' I'm guessing she was ready to go home. We were just wondering why she was so damn loud.
--Between the Sheets and he sang James Brown's 'I Got that Feeling' (I know you remember that episode of the Cosby show with Rudy coming out of the shadow with her sunglasses--'Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby...I got that feeling....baby, baby, I got that feeling) and Fight the Power.
Now to insert even more of the funniest things to ever happen to me and in general.
Ron Isley did a lot of talking in between sets, he talked about the longevity of the group and said that 'Shout' was their first hit in 1959. 19-fugging-59. This man is almost 66 years old. Two years younger than my grandmother. He actually said,
"Hey, thank your grandmothers for sticking with us for all these years!"
And I'm lying to you NOT when I say he was looking dead square at my BFF and me. No lie. We screamed back: WE WILL!! And he started laughing his ass off. Tell me he wasn't talking to us. Dude started rolling! I swear.
...what else...hmm..oh, he introduced the band and it was the tightest intro ever....you know, everyone shows off their instumental skills, the drummer, keyboardist, the other guitar player, the sax man, and last but not least, his wife, Kandy. When he said 'and this...this is my wife, Kandy' I think half the audience all ran over from my side to see what she looked like. I mean, if we were on a cruise ship, we'd have tipped over cause all the weight shifted. She's a beautiful girl up close and she's got the hugest rock on her finger that my BFF and I have ever had the pleasure of player hating. Seriously.
There's all this space between the end of 'Summer Breeze' because Ernie gets to let loose on the guitar and riff forever and a day, so Ron goes to get changed for the second half of the show and he comes out in his BET Awards suit that he performed in. I'm a HARDCORE fan, so I know these things. Dude had on so much red, I was feigning for some kool-aid. He was sharp, though. At least the drunken loud woman behind us agreed. "YOU LOOK SHARP BOY! SANG BOY!"
He came back in his red everything and taked about the lastest album they dropped, "Baby Making Music." And he says how he kept listening to it, bringing it home all the time and he said he took his own advice and he made a baby. I swear, this was the greatest crowd ever. Everyone was like 'Uh....WOW.' My BFF was in a total 'TMI' trance...especially after Aurora felt up his leg and at the end of 'Make Me Say It Again Girl' he said "Dont go to Jenny Craig...cause Jenny dont know how good it was before you lost the weight." Yes he did. But I'm standing there like am I the only one who knows these things. Yes, I'm a HARDCORE fan and because I still occasionally read Jet magazine! WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO STILL READS JET!? That's how I found out they were married--besides it being on all the black gossip blogs.
He talked about his 3 month old son, RJ (Ronald O'Kelly Isley, Jr.) and people were still stuck on shock, but they went with it. What else...oh! 'Contagious'...I swear, people sing that song like it happened to them. I mean, singing this song like they were all burned by a live in girlfriend who they found sleeping with the dude that they'd just beaten up in another video whose name they can't remember and it turns into a 3 part hip hopera. If you could've seen the faces of the people singing, you'd have laughed your ass off.
"What the hell is going on, Between the Sheets in my home?!"
"Baby, wait, let me explain, before you start to point your cane."
"I'm about to have a fit!"
"Oh, it's about to be some shit. How did I get into this? Should've never come home with this bitch."
"You low down, dirty, Woman. Back to where you come from!"
"But, Baby, wait!"
"Wait my ass! Hit the streets, your ass is grass!"
"Now, Mr. Biggs, before you're done--"
"Wait, how you know my name son?"
"Honey, wait, I was gonna tell you--"
"Move, this cat looks real familiar."
"No, no."
"Now dont I know you from somewhere a long time ago?"
"No, no, I dont think so."
"Yeah, yeah. I feel I know you brother, very well."
"No. no, you mistaking me for somebody else."
"Frank!"
"SHUT UP! Can't you see two men are talking?!"
"But--"
"Thought I told your ass to get to walking! Now, I think y'all had better leave my place, cause I'm about to catch a case!"
I mean, everybody and their mama and their grandmama knows this song. What makes people become Academy Award winning actors when they hear this? One person singing 3 parts to a song, trying to be 3 different people and whatnot. He-LARRY-us. When Biggs got to 'Shut up' I swear to you--FUNNIEST SHIT EVER--everyone in the crowd yells "SHADDUP!" and he tries so hard not to laugh while he sang. I mean, straight 'SHADDUP!''ed the girl. I would've fell out laughing on the stage had I been her. I've never seen a large group of people band together for the greater good of silencing and unfaithful partner before. Greatest Crowd Ever.
That night, I realized my life's goal:
I want to be a backup dancer for Ron Isley. I swear. You think I'm playing, but I'm not. I mean...this trumps my old goal of wanting to be a 'Club Comic View' dancer. Seriously. I can hang with Aurora'nem. All I need to do is practice and work out and I'm good to go. Get me up there in some lycra and some lingerie with my sick six pack and I'm bomb status. Hear me clearly when I say this to you. Your girl's got game. The Beyonce impersonations are no joke. I know Tina Turner's "Proud Mary" routine. One day you'll see me up there getting down to 'Between the Sheets' doing the swimming sperm dance.
I honestly took a crap load of pictures that night and I e-mailed them all to myself and long story short, the e-mails never sent, my pictures are all gone, my SKII was/is a piece of crap, and I had to pay for a brand new phone. *sigh* I swear, in December, I'm done with Suncom.
Ernie Isley funking it up for his big bruh
Uh...more funk, I guess...I just know there was a lot of it. The joint was funky!
The Isley Brothers!
Mr. Biggs (actually Biggs comes out at the end of the show--red e'rethang and all...but I lost those pictures :( )
"Who's That Lady?" Aurora Allain--please believe me, she's the truth!
Ron and Ernie putting it down
"Twist & Shout" ...you know you twist so fine...
"Twist & Shout" you cant see the girls working it out that well, but they were doing something. Platinum blonde wigs and all.
Uh...I guess this is Ron, Ernie and maybe a dancer...
There's one last picture and if I can get some act right out of this internet connection, I'll put it up.