Warning: Ranting and Raving Ecstatic Heretical Shamanista Ahead
As an Ecstatic/Shamanista, part of my Work is to "go all the way" into the exquisite detail of each emotion, thought and state of being which arises out of the "ordinary" experience of Walking this Road/World/Life. I do this with my own experiences. I am also not ashamed to say I also do it with the experiences of those I love and those I teach.
I go "all the way" in for Medicine (wisdom, healing, power)--for my soul and yours. I go there to Know Myself and by doing so, I know you and you and you and you and the Universe from the most miniscule to the non-existent edge of the infinite.
Going all the way, I return carrying Truth clenched between my teeth and thighs, grasped in sweating hands, pouring down my face in salt tears, clutched under my armpits and held within the rhythmic mystery of my blood. Going all the way--into love, fear, denial, addiction, pain, sweetness, joy, power, magic, mystery . . . all of it . . . I gather the wisdom, healing and power needed by the people. Make no mistake, I never forget I am one of the people. You shouldn’t forget you are, either.
Don't tell me I am too much or that I have gone too far. Don't attempt to Silence me because you are uncomfortable with the Truth radiating from the pores of my skin, entering your eye through my writing, entering your ear on my voice, dripping from my hair soaked with sweat from dancing. We are engaged in intimate acts of exchange which can feel relentlessly intense, confusing, chaotic, overwhelming and transformative. My Silence will not stop the internal processes already begun when first you came in contact with Truth through your intimacy with this Divinity. Don’t mistake “intimacy” for sex. Eye contact is intimate. A smile is intimate. The giving of a gift is intimate. The sound of a sigh is intimate. Reading the thoughts I rush to commit to the page before they slip from consciousness is intimate. The telephone is intimate. Sharing ritual space is intimate. Saying thank you to the waitress is intimate. Opening the door for you is intimate. Sharing food or laughter or complaint is intimate. Do you see?
Truth will not be silenced no matter how much we may deny wanting to hear it. The Truth is Difficult! No one said it would be easy to stare into the depths of yourself and heal what is broken there. You say you didn't ask for this? Ha! You made a choice and were born into this age, this life. Do you really think you are here just biding time? That this life is some sort of place-holder until you get to the next one where you will Really Live, Really Love, Really Engage? Ha! You were born into this age. You are here now. Your Walk has brought you into the presence of teachers, shaman, healers, artists, poets, family members, scientists, writers, musicians, enemies, singers, gardeners and lovers--each an Angel come to shake you awake . . . .
Indeed the Universe really is conspiring to Awaken and Arouse you, conspiring to Resuscitate and Re-align you, playing every trick in the book to encourage you to stand in the fullness of your Self and take your Rightful Role. There is no "get out free" card in this life time. Each of us is being Called to be Fully Present. There is no more time for shutting down, turning away, pretending it’s not happening or denying Who We Are. There is no more time for playing the martyr. There is no more time for Pretending you are here to show the way to others without really Walking it yourself. There are no more excuses for refusing that which is Required in order to be fully present, awake and accounted for: Love, Laughter, Pleasure, Receivership, Generosity, Beauty, Abundance, Self Responsibility. There is no more time. Denial is no longer an acceptable response. Turn away one messenger and another shows up -each more demanding and exacting than the last. Get fixated on the problems of the mundane and they will multiply at unfathomable rates until you surrender to the powerlessness which engenders authentic Power. Deny the obvious omens and they too will arrive, each more profoundly undeniable than the previous.
Do not attempt to bind the Medicine I Am with projections of your own shame, guilt and desire to control! Until of late, we have been spared the Secret that in order to live happily ever after we must first see the ways we have belittled and entrapped ourselves; we must slay our internal dragons with swords fashioned from our own immense desire to be free; we must wade through rivers of our own blood; embrace unflinchingly the demons and monsters we have generated from our own life force! No, they never told us that. But, I am telling you that Truth now. We project onto others our own smallness and our most ingrained complex patterns. Now is the hour to let go those games and take responsibility for ourselves.
Do not turn away from the glory of my Divinity in order to deny your own! It is Required that we each stand in our Radiance and Glory now. Imagine such a world! There is room enough for us to each stand in the Fullness of our Radiance. Each holy Breath has the capacity to generate the spaciousness and expansiveness for you to be Fully and Wholly Your Self while every other being is Fully and Wholly them Selves. Imagine that. Then, become it. Use your Will, tears, breath, desire, rage, brilliance, raitonality, intuiton, sexualty--every tools at your disposal to become it. There is no greater goal. There is nothing so important.
Your denial of the purity of this heart does not render it less pure.
I pray that you cleanse yourself so you might stand in my light without feeling like you are nothing but shadow.
I pray you will cleanse yourself so I might stand in your light and reflect it back to you in its fullness.
I ferevently pray: Cleanse yourself so we might stand together in our Radiance healing one another and each life we touch.
Karina B. Heart
Do not duplicate without permission.