The Diagnosis
I finally got my son in to see the Neuro-psych specialists for assessment after being on the waiting list for seven months. Why was I under the impression they would take into consideration his difficult birth and his congenital birth defects and complicated medical history? They didn't. What they did was an 8 hour long battery of tests on his reaidng comprehension, ability to regulate his energy and follow directions, etc. They took a comprehensive interview from me as well as the notes I had from the school system. But there was no bloodwork, no EEG, no review of past medical history. The Official Diagnosis is ADHD. Of course, the recommended treatment includes amphetamines (Ritalin, Adderol, Dexadrine, etc) and behavioral therapy.
First. I went shopping. Then, I went to bed. Yes. Denial and shutting down seemed to be the only appropriate responses in the moment. When my son is overwhelmed, he runs around screeching. Me? I go to bed!
Yesterday, I began the process of really researching these drugs. The reality is that my kid struggles all the time just to maintain control of his own energy, follow directions, follow through on anything he begins. So, I thought, maybe I'm just being obstinate and oppositional myself. Maybe, I need to put aside my political ideology and look into how I can help my son live a full and productive life. Maybe if these drugs work they can help him. Maybe he'll have such a radical turn around he'll be able to go back to school and I can forgo this insanity of trying to be a homeschooling super mom. Maybe there really is a simple, miraculous answer to all our problems in a bottle of prescription meds.
Funny how the mind wants that.
What I found just made me sick. The side effects of include rage, violent outbursts, increased incidence of drug addiction in later years (well, yeah, if you take prescription amphetamines for years, you might actually become addicted, duh), depression, suicidal tendencies and attempts, insomnia, anorexia . . . . . Of course, these side effects are treated with more drugs including antidepressants, appetite stimulants, anti-anxiety drugs, narcotics for sleep . . . . . .Hmm. Then, at the very bottom of the drug information comes the warning that these drugs are all contraindicated in children with structural heart problems. My son has congenital structural heart damage.
I wept with relief. This "choice" was effectively taken out of my hands.
Why didn't the doctor know that? You would expect a comment like, "Many children are prescribed these drugs but your child has stuctural heart damage and we know these drugs cause sudden death in these kids. So, here are some other treatment options." death is not a side effect. It can't be treated with more presciptions. It's prerry f'ng permanent.
What if I never learned about the contraindications? What if I had left that office with a prescription in hand for a miracle drug that would solve all our immediate problems, making my son compliant, able to focus, able to go back to school. What if I hadn't, instead, stated clearly, "Let me look into this and make an informed decision"?
What's changed since Wednesday? Well, I went on a helluva emotional roller-coaster ride. Like all amusement park rides, I wound up right back where I started albeit just a little bit disoriented. We have a new label for what my son is experiencing. We have no new treatments or supports. Nothing really has changed. I have no new tactics for helping him. He is not going back to school under the influence of amphetamines. Somehow, we'll keep doing what we've been doing. I'm thinking I might give him a cup of coffee mid-day when he seems to be the most wound up and the least able to manage. Aside from that, we'll just keep breathing together, finding where our feet are, telling each other how much we love one another, and doing school work in the 5 minute intervals he's capable of managing.
All the systems of our Great Society are broken: Educational, Financial, Health Care . . . . Even though I have some hope that things are gonna turn around, if for no other reason than they must, I still find the best option for my family and I is to Opt Out of the systems as much as possible. Create our own income, create our own means of educating our children, create our own means of procuring food locally, create our own means of treating illness while using the parts of the system that make sense without being blind to their pitfalls.
I am trying to remember, "All things are Her hands in tending us." (FD)
Oh. And for those of you who requested info on the workshops posted here earlier, it's forthcoming to your very own email box by Sunday night.