So it was brought to my attention,
Since I have moved here, it has been one shitty guy after another. I have to sit there and prove to them that I am worth their time. Obviously, something is wrong. I shouldn't have to sit there and try to convince them. I'm so nice, I'm too nice. Looking back and mine and BJ's relationship, I put up with somethings that I swore I never would. He talked down to me, I paid for everything, even most of the rent. We all know what he did to me on christmas. We all know that he bossed me around. But I loved him so much, I'm still not over him. Even after he showed up drunk the other day trying to force me to get into the car with him, it killed me to do what I had to do. I've been in a rush to get into a relationship to avoid dealing with the problem that is at hand. I guess I figure that I can just move that time, energy, and emotion and focus it on someone else. I know that won't work deep down. But until last night, I wouldn't admit it.
I really hate to pin it all back on him. But he was the first man I ever really cared about on an adult level. does that make any sense? He didn't put up with my bullshit. If he didn't want to do something he told me no. I look back on that relationship and I see so much growth in myself.
With that being said, I have gotten use to excepting men fucking me over. I have gotten use to men wanting to fuck me but never wanting to be with me. It's kind of like an unsaid contest to see how long I can keep them interested without having sex with them. As soon as they realize that that is not what I am about, they loose interest.
I was given a piece of advice that I am taking to heart. I truly do not need a boyfriend at this point in time. It will only be like the previous "problems". I am not going out on any dates for a while.
This is just a happy little reminder for me. =] =] =] =]
I really hate to pin it all back on him. But he was the first man I ever really cared about on an adult level. does that make any sense? He didn't put up with my bullshit. If he didn't want to do something he told me no. I look back on that relationship and I see so much growth in myself.
With that being said, I have gotten use to excepting men fucking me over. I have gotten use to men wanting to fuck me but never wanting to be with me. It's kind of like an unsaid contest to see how long I can keep them interested without having sex with them. As soon as they realize that that is not what I am about, they loose interest.
I was given a piece of advice that I am taking to heart. I truly do not need a boyfriend at this point in time. It will only be like the previous "problems". I am not going out on any dates for a while.
This is just a happy little reminder for me. =] =] =] =]