feelings are tough to explain when what i feel is BIGGER than any word i can find...
Soo friday was my birthday, I'm officially 14...ah yes.
Sorry I havent updated in soo long, my computer is a looser and I couldn't even get on websites, but I have Kathleen of course who worked her magic and fixed the computer today.
Friday: My birthday, it was a really good day, except the fact that the dance sucked. Ashley called me about 5:30, I got mad though because I was supposed to sleep in half an hour longer than usual, since it was my birthday, and she just HAD to call and wake me up at my normal time. So I talked to her for about 20 minutes and then I got up and started to get ready. My mom and dad gave me a donut with a candle on it, hah and they sang happy birthday to me and then gave me my presents...I got a credit card, ohh geez I know! And I also got The OC season 1 on DVD, wahooo! Then I walked to the bus stop, listening to some of my favorite songs on my ipod, yeah it was lovely. Tegan made me a card...yeah it was sorta gay, but um yeah and then Andrea got me The Used Cd <3 The rest of the day went alright, I just hate school it annoys me. After school I went to the dance, and Jimmy finally asked Kaite out, it was soo adorable, I will post an amazing picture of them cuties later, because they are adorable let me tell you, and when he asked her out they were both soo happy and I was extremely happy for both of them, because really...they were meant for each other. I'm serious about that too, I mean really, they just work and I love them. After the dance I went out for pizza with Andrea, Danielle, Jenny, Kaite, Jess, Dee and Carly. They wouldnt give me a free dessert or anything for my birthday, so we got mad and only left a 32 cent tip, which was not very nice of us because the bill was $42..oops :p heh. Then we walked over to Kaladiscoops and got some ice cream and we saw this super cool guy with a freaking FRO it was the largest one I've ever seen, and we decided to call him conrad! It was great, I'll also post a picture of that one too. Then we took some more pictures and just hung out. My mom picked me, Kaite and Jenny up and brought us all home. Later Jenny came over and we were gonna go to Dee's, but then Dee never called, so Jenny just spent the night, cause we had cheerleading in the morning anways. My parents went out, so me and Jenny decided to be bad ass and sneak out and go to our Elementary School and swing on the swings, ohh geez we are just too bad. It was early when we did that though, so we went again later and walked down my street to the other park, it was extremely dark though and we were kinda scared, so we just sang some Fall Out Boy to lighten the mood. And well I have never ever had alcohol in my life...so me and jenny had some Captain Morgans...not to worry I did not get drunk, we just tried some and we kinda acted like we were drunk, but we definitely werent. We went to bed around 1:00 though, cause I don't know we were just very very tired.
Saturday: Jenny's mom picked us up for cheerleading and there was only 5 of us there at practice, so it basically was pointless. Except well, we made up a fabulous cheer and I think we're using it for our quarter at Tuesday's game, so thats really cool. After practice my grandma picked me and Jenny up and drove Jenny home... The rest of the day was quite boring, I just watched some of the OC and I was really lazy. Then later I got ready for Katie's partayyy, long story...but PLEASE read it.
Well Jenny's mom picked up me and Andrea and we headed off to Katie's party. I was soo excited to see Katie and sort of mingle with some of her new friends from Hannah, because she had to move and I like never see her anymore. So I get there and not really everyone was there yet, so we were all just hanging out and it was like one group was Hannah and one was us lol...it was really weird, but later we started talking to all of them. Danielle didn't call me to carpool and I was a bit confused, since she can like NEVER ever show up somewhere alone, and I was like well weird, she never does this, but then she ended up showing up with Dee...suprise. Lately, they've been hanging out a lot I noticed, and yeahh. So I say hey to Danielle and jokingly just like she always does, she says "GO AWAY CARRIE I HATE YOU." I know shes joking, but it's just really getting annoying. The rest of the party I didn't talk to her much, she basically ignored me and spent all of her time with Dee. Yeah, I guess they are becoming really close, and obviously you can see the jealousy coming from me, but ahh I can't help it. I mean she always will bring up some AMAZING thing that happend with her and Dee, but really...why does she have to do that? So I hung out with Jess, Andrea, and Jenny and for a while we hung out with Justin and played some football with him. Us four girls were in a tree talking, and Andrea and Jess were saying how Dee and Danielle are always like this every day at lunch, they are attatched to each other and it's annoying. They were also saying how like me and Danielle haven't been hanging out, and they totally understand my jealousy and they felt bad. Later, Danielle came up to me with Emily and was like where's dee and tegan and I was like umm I don't know, probably in the backyard. Thats all we said to eachother the entire night...weird, because usually I would be hanging out with her. When I got home I was just like ugh whatever bitch and didn't really get upset over it, I was more mad and then the upsettingness came through. I just didn't know what to do about it and I was extremely confused. Then today...I talked to her and she was like if you wanted to hang out then you should have made an effort and I was like well yeah, but you could've made an effort too Danielle, it didn't seem like you wanted to...are you pissed at me. And she was like why would I be pissed at you, if you wanted to hang out, then you could have made an effort? So I just said well it just didn't seem like you cared, I mean did you want me to make an effort? And she was like well I didn't really care, why is this such a big deal? I just decided to tell her that it wasnt and end it, apparently it isnt going anywhere and she isnt pissed so ah fuck I don't care...I feel like I don't have someone who understands me anymore, like I don't have that one person who you feel extremely close to and you guys share everything together, I feel like me and danielles friendship is just fading away, I feel like shes never gonna get it, I mean obviously she doesnt get it, and I can't even talk to her about shit like this...she doesn't get it, and she doesn't care...she really doesnt. Sometimes I just wish that I could get out the things I mean, but I never say them...I just can't do it. I can't change her mind, I can't make her help me out here like I really thought she would, it's just not working out, and she isn't mad at me, but she just DOESNT give a shit about me, she doesn't fucking care. I wonder if anyone cares...I honestly do, because I really did think Danielle cared, but she doesn't so who the fuck really does. Yes, I know there are a lot of fucks in this entry, I'm sorry...but I'm just soo upset about this right now, I need to cry, and I'm just gonna try soo hard to act like it doesn't bother me. I'm just gonna go on, and smile...pretend like nothings wrong, I mean...what else can I do?
Today: Family birthday party...I got iPod speakers, a BUNCH of money and some giftcards. Even presents didn't make me happy... Kathleen came over too, damn I love that girl, I mean seriously she made me feel so much better, and thanks for that Kathleen, but ehh I still just don't know anymore.
Sorry I havent updated in soo long, my computer is a looser and I couldn't even get on websites, but I have Kathleen of course who worked her magic and fixed the computer today.
Friday: My birthday, it was a really good day, except the fact that the dance sucked. Ashley called me about 5:30, I got mad though because I was supposed to sleep in half an hour longer than usual, since it was my birthday, and she just HAD to call and wake me up at my normal time. So I talked to her for about 20 minutes and then I got up and started to get ready. My mom and dad gave me a donut with a candle on it, hah and they sang happy birthday to me and then gave me my presents...I got a credit card, ohh geez I know! And I also got The OC season 1 on DVD, wahooo! Then I walked to the bus stop, listening to some of my favorite songs on my ipod, yeah it was lovely. Tegan made me a card...yeah it was sorta gay, but um yeah and then Andrea got me The Used Cd <3 The rest of the day went alright, I just hate school it annoys me. After school I went to the dance, and Jimmy finally asked Kaite out, it was soo adorable, I will post an amazing picture of them cuties later, because they are adorable let me tell you, and when he asked her out they were both soo happy and I was extremely happy for both of them, because really...they were meant for each other. I'm serious about that too, I mean really, they just work and I love them. After the dance I went out for pizza with Andrea, Danielle, Jenny, Kaite, Jess, Dee and Carly. They wouldnt give me a free dessert or anything for my birthday, so we got mad and only left a 32 cent tip, which was not very nice of us because the bill was $42..oops :p heh. Then we walked over to Kaladiscoops and got some ice cream and we saw this super cool guy with a freaking FRO it was the largest one I've ever seen, and we decided to call him conrad! It was great, I'll also post a picture of that one too. Then we took some more pictures and just hung out. My mom picked me, Kaite and Jenny up and brought us all home. Later Jenny came over and we were gonna go to Dee's, but then Dee never called, so Jenny just spent the night, cause we had cheerleading in the morning anways. My parents went out, so me and Jenny decided to be bad ass and sneak out and go to our Elementary School and swing on the swings, ohh geez we are just too bad. It was early when we did that though, so we went again later and walked down my street to the other park, it was extremely dark though and we were kinda scared, so we just sang some Fall Out Boy to lighten the mood. And well I have never ever had alcohol in my life...so me and jenny had some Captain Morgans...not to worry I did not get drunk, we just tried some and we kinda acted like we were drunk, but we definitely werent. We went to bed around 1:00 though, cause I don't know we were just very very tired.
Saturday: Jenny's mom picked us up for cheerleading and there was only 5 of us there at practice, so it basically was pointless. Except well, we made up a fabulous cheer and I think we're using it for our quarter at Tuesday's game, so thats really cool. After practice my grandma picked me and Jenny up and drove Jenny home... The rest of the day was quite boring, I just watched some of the OC and I was really lazy. Then later I got ready for Katie's partayyy, long story...but PLEASE read it.
Well Jenny's mom picked up me and Andrea and we headed off to Katie's party. I was soo excited to see Katie and sort of mingle with some of her new friends from Hannah, because she had to move and I like never see her anymore. So I get there and not really everyone was there yet, so we were all just hanging out and it was like one group was Hannah and one was us lol...it was really weird, but later we started talking to all of them. Danielle didn't call me to carpool and I was a bit confused, since she can like NEVER ever show up somewhere alone, and I was like well weird, she never does this, but then she ended up showing up with Dee...suprise. Lately, they've been hanging out a lot I noticed, and yeahh. So I say hey to Danielle and jokingly just like she always does, she says "GO AWAY CARRIE I HATE YOU." I know shes joking, but it's just really getting annoying. The rest of the party I didn't talk to her much, she basically ignored me and spent all of her time with Dee. Yeah, I guess they are becoming really close, and obviously you can see the jealousy coming from me, but ahh I can't help it. I mean she always will bring up some AMAZING thing that happend with her and Dee, but really...why does she have to do that? So I hung out with Jess, Andrea, and Jenny and for a while we hung out with Justin and played some football with him. Us four girls were in a tree talking, and Andrea and Jess were saying how Dee and Danielle are always like this every day at lunch, they are attatched to each other and it's annoying. They were also saying how like me and Danielle haven't been hanging out, and they totally understand my jealousy and they felt bad. Later, Danielle came up to me with Emily and was like where's dee and tegan and I was like umm I don't know, probably in the backyard. Thats all we said to eachother the entire night...weird, because usually I would be hanging out with her. When I got home I was just like ugh whatever bitch and didn't really get upset over it, I was more mad and then the upsettingness came through. I just didn't know what to do about it and I was extremely confused. Then today...I talked to her and she was like if you wanted to hang out then you should have made an effort and I was like well yeah, but you could've made an effort too Danielle, it didn't seem like you wanted to...are you pissed at me. And she was like why would I be pissed at you, if you wanted to hang out, then you could have made an effort? So I just said well it just didn't seem like you cared, I mean did you want me to make an effort? And she was like well I didn't really care, why is this such a big deal? I just decided to tell her that it wasnt and end it, apparently it isnt going anywhere and she isnt pissed so ah fuck I don't care...I feel like I don't have someone who understands me anymore, like I don't have that one person who you feel extremely close to and you guys share everything together, I feel like me and danielles friendship is just fading away, I feel like shes never gonna get it, I mean obviously she doesnt get it, and I can't even talk to her about shit like this...she doesn't get it, and she doesn't care...she really doesnt. Sometimes I just wish that I could get out the things I mean, but I never say them...I just can't do it. I can't change her mind, I can't make her help me out here like I really thought she would, it's just not working out, and she isn't mad at me, but she just DOESNT give a shit about me, she doesn't fucking care. I wonder if anyone cares...I honestly do, because I really did think Danielle cared, but she doesn't so who the fuck really does. Yes, I know there are a lot of fucks in this entry, I'm sorry...but I'm just soo upset about this right now, I need to cry, and I'm just gonna try soo hard to act like it doesn't bother me. I'm just gonna go on, and smile...pretend like nothings wrong, I mean...what else can I do?
Today: Family birthday party...I got iPod speakers, a BUNCH of money and some giftcards. Even presents didn't make me happy... Kathleen came over too, damn I love that girl, I mean seriously she made me feel so much better, and thanks for that Kathleen, but ehh I still just don't know anymore.