Depressed, Confused & Lost.....
Things haven't been so smooth between my boyfriend & myself recently & I think It's not only his stress / depression that's getting the better of him. I think it has to do a lot with his best friend of two years & myself. It's really a long story so I'll try to keep it short.
What happened was this, my bf told her about me, he was so excited to have me. We soon friended each other of fb & everything was great in the beginning.... until we met. After we met, things started going down hill. A big part of me believes that it's because she has feelings for him another part believes what my bf says she claims to have been worried about all along, us moving to quickly. Anyway, I kept feeling the tension rise & rise & rise, until, eventually she stopped talking to me all together. I then started to notice her status', whenever I posted something or made a note, she would make status' that just didn't seem right or conveniently timed. There was one in particular she posted that something very close to, "Did you ever have a gut feeling that you knew someone was making a big mistake & you couldn't do anything about it?"
My bf had soon after made a support group on fb & asked myself, Heather & her sister to join, which we did. I posted a recent experience I had with a kidney stone & how this specific hospital put me last out of everyone in the ER & at the time I was the patient who needed the medical attention. Heather's sister started insulting me & Heather found it amusing sort of speak by commenting with an lol followed by a calm down directed towards her sister who had just insulted me. My bf did come to my defense then. I tried to smooth things over myself by sending her an email that wasn't rude at all. I even had My bf read them when Megan said that they were nasty & uncalled for. He read them & said bullshit. But now, he's doubting that, as if he's in denial. I feel like he cherishes them more then he does me & at one point, he said he would sacrifice them over me because he didn't want to lose me.
Soon after that, things got so bad that they had asked him not to bring me when he went down to see them & then again when it was their turn to his see last performance of Les Miserables (which never happened due to a snow storm) my bf eventually got everyone on Fb to talk & that's when it all came out. Megan said she didn't like me from the start, that there was something about me. Heather stayed someone silent, but then blurted out that she didn't care about our stupid relationship even though that really wasn't the point of the talk. The whole point was to try & smooth things over. My bf had become the middle man & I didn't want that for him. I tried to keep peace, I tried to make suggestions, I never once (even though I wanted to in the worst way) said anything rude or hurtful. Megan however, kept insulting me, cursing at me, she even told me to Shut The Fuck Up. Greg came to my defense then & that's when they stopped talking.
Two months passed & then Heather called apologizing to him, but not to me. She inquired if we were still together, but that was about it. I did get upset because I feel that I deserve an apology for the way I was treated. He & I had gotten into a fight, now, just the other day, he accused me of lying to him. Heather, Megan & their mother said that every day in November I sent her nasty emails. Believe it or not, I have every email I ever sent her still. I looked back & none of it was true. It was all good up until I had a mini break down & HEATHER inquired about it. I started to talk to her about it then I went off topic because I was afraid that I had scared him off because of my mini break down. No where in there was I insulting, rude, etc. When she didn't reply & something happened been said between Heather & him that he told me about, I confronted her & sent her an email asking straight up if I had done something, said something or if it was the fact that he & I were together because she was showing so many signs of jealousy when her & I first met. The only issue in that entire email I could see was at the end when I explained that I wanted to keep peace between her, her sister & his gf (me). I even showed these emails to my bf, but he doesn't believe me I guess. He kept saying that they would never lie to him, but they did I have the proof right here. And that they, Heather, who he's been friends with for two years, have acted like his anti-depressants & that when she called & said sorry to him & that she missed him, he started to become his old self again......
I love him so much, I know he is the one I want to be with. Me makes me feel like no one else ever has, we have so much in common, but I feel like his love for me now is dying. I'm going to try to confront him tomorrow by showing him that they lied. But idk how he's going to take it. What if I lose him? Things have been changing between us, he's been snappy, he's been distant..... I love him. I would do anything for him, even sacrifice my own happiness. My mom sees it, but I'm afraid that he doesn't see it anymore nor feels it anymore. Before he couldn't wait to marry me, he talked of children & consistently "liked" things that I directed towards him on fb, but now .... it's like he passes it up & doesn't even care. He use to make time for me, MAKE TIME but now (disregarding the fact that he's got online classes) he doesn't seem to be trying. He even said that right now making me priority with everything that's going on considering his family & what not, isn't a good time. He also admitting to putting me last when he always tried to put me first. Those two things he said, plus, You Don't Know Me, were all on Saturday when he broke plans he made with me earlier in the week. Yes he seemed & I do believe he felt bad because he told my mother without me knowing & he told me that on Monday, tomorrow, he wants to try to make it up to me. I also asked if he was still In Love with me & didn't just love me, he said yes to that too.
I really need some advice.... No one has ever made me feel the way he has. I see myself completely different now because of him, but now it feels like I"m losing him.... I'm losing his love. Again I say that I know he is perfect for me. We have more in common then I could ever ask for with only a few minor differences that wont even effect a relationship like I like horror movies & he doesn't. I feel like I'm losing apart of me .... the best part. I can't even describe how I'm feeling, that's how much I hurt & how scared I am. If you have any advice, please I could use it.
I'm desperate & in need of help before I lose him completely.