My first gut reaction to this post was 'he's married.' That's not advice, I know but I'm an older guy and also had a long distance agegap relationship. We had plenty of discouragement from family but we made plans for a life together. In the end, she changed her mind but when we were together, we were both free to marry and we fought the battles any agegap couple must.
If he's not married and hiding your relationship then there's someone who he's not willing to stand up to about this, maybe his parents or siblings or even teenage kids. I don't know much about relationships but I know that love doesn't know shame or fear. It doesn't calculate reactions or consider chances. It just is.
If he's not married and hiding your relationship then there's someone who he's not willing to stand up to about this, maybe his parents or siblings or even teenage kids. I don't know much about relationships but I know that love doesn't know shame or fear. It doesn't calculate reactions or consider chances. It just is.
To me, this is a HUGE red flag. If someone has not been open with their loved ones about their partner- they haven't fully committed, or accepted the person. Marriage should not be on the table if his family doesn't even know about you. Others may feel differently, but this screams alarm bells for me. Tread carefully.
This was my initial thought as well. There is something not right that he is considering marriage without telling his family first. Yes, with the age gap there may be resistance or difficulties, but it would be way better to deal with that BEFORE planning a marriage. I would be very hesitant to plan anything until that matter is resolved.
Furthermore, it isn't hard to calculate that it's probably better to tell your family about your SO early so that they don't have the double hit later of finding out something you've been keeping from them AND your SO's age difference. It seems weird that your boyfriend didn't tell his family about you given that logic, which is pretty obvious.
I've been in plenty of and seen many age gap relationships myself, and it seems like it's very critical to their success that both families know about them early on.
Do your parents know about him? Do they accept hiim?
I don't think you should consider long-term commitment until he opens up to his family about his relationship with you. Yes, the age gap is large, but when it boils down, you are both mature adults. Approach him with ideas about maybe making a visit to his family for an upcoming holiday so they can get to meet you and see what you're like. It would be casual, and would probably dispel a lot of his fears about the age issue.
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tia_junan
My first gut reaction to this post was 'he's married.' That's not advice, I know but I'm an older guy and also had a long distance agegap relationship. We had plenty of discouragement from family but we made plans for a life together. In the end, she changed her mind but when we were together, we were both free to marry and we fought the battles any agegap couple must.
If he's not married and hiding your relationship then there's someone who he's not willing to stand up to about this, maybe his parents or siblings or even teenage kids. I don't know much about relationships but I know that love doesn't know shame or fear. It doesn't calculate reactions or consider chances. It just is.
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re_vised
This. A million times this.
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seeking
This is so true. Well put.
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kanzan
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anrui_ichido
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swirl_into_grey
I've been in plenty of and seen many age gap relationships myself, and it seems like it's very critical to their success that both families know about them early on.
Do your parents know about him? Do they accept hiim?
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csandiegooo
Yes, the age gap is large, but when it boils down, you are both mature adults.
Approach him with ideas about maybe making a visit to his family for an upcoming holiday so they can get to meet you and see what you're like. It would be casual, and would probably dispel a lot of his fears about the age issue.
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alldayprayer
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