brianathebard in loveadvice

Need a lot of help here.

Jan 29, 2012 23:37

I'll start by saying that I'm 21, and my mom has been trying to set me up with a guy, who is 36, she had met that works on a cruise ship in Australia, and is from Canada. I've never been in a ~real~ relationship, a couple of dates and I made out with a stranger in a club once, and that's the extent of my experience... what I'm trying to say is I'm ( ... )

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anrui_ichido

Tell him what you said here, that you feel as if you are both looking for completely different things, but that you think he is very nice and are open to a friendship if he wants it. If he continues to make you uncomfortable with his comments about turning him on, then I think it would be fair to distance yourself from him. I would be very uncomfortable with that as well. :(

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kanzan

Whoa. No disrespect to your mom, but in my opinion, the next time she tries to set you up with someone, RUN. Any guy that makes you feel uncomfortable or pressured or unsafe, should not be someone who is allowed to be on your "to date" list.

The only person that should be deciding who you have a relationship with is you, and you don't owe it to anyone else to date someone just to make someone else happy. Best of luck to you.

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kanzan

Sorry, just realized I didn't even really address what you asked- as in how to let him know.

I'd be polite but remain firm- tell him you're flattered, but you don't feel it's a match or that you're looking for the same things, and wish him well. Remember- you're not obligated to date him or anyone else.

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seeking

I agree wholeheartedly.

Ask yourself what do you need, then go with it. If you feel obligated to talk to him, get out. As scary as it may be, just tell him what you're feeling & thinking, & don't let him or your mom belittle your feelings. Feelings warn us, they tell us things we're not always cognitively aware of. You don't deserve to feel the way you're feeling. You owe no one but yourself. Be true to yourself by respecting yourself enough to walk away, if you need to.

All the best!

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tia_junan

Being 21 doesn't have to mean just being inexperienced in bed. It can also mean that you're old enough to make your own choices in that area and old enough to know that when you're not comfortable you can do something about it. Tell your mom that you're old enough to choose your own companions and tell the dude goodbye, don't bother calling.

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angelnova

I'd say to go with your second to last paragraph. That seems to sum it up pretty well and is nicely put.

And trust your gut, if you are uncomfy, don't force yourself to go through with it. You are uncomfy for a reason.

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tacit

It sounds to me like you need to have two conversations, one with him and one with your mom.

With him: "I like talking to you, but it seems like we are looking for two different kinds of relationships. I wish you all the best in finding a partner who wants the same thing you want. That person isn't me."

With your mom: "Why are you setting me up with people? I would prefer to find my own partners."

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brianathebard in loveadvice

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