So dead inside...

[loveableme]

Im hurt, crushed, dead inside. My heart is fully broken. When will all the pieces be taped up again? When can i trust..or will i trust? It hurts so bad inside. I wish it would all go away. I wish i never found out. I wish we never let this happen. I wish i could forget or forgive. I cant right now though it's way to hard. I swear i wont give up though. Nobody is perfect, so why do i keep beating myself up inside? Why can't i be happy for him on the inside? I know why because it hurts knowing i still love him with all my heart and everything is my fault. Crying yourself to sleep. Waking up because you have a wonderful dream but then realizing that it was all fake and the real world is hell. Im so scared. I dont know what to think. I need to cry ,but im afraid that if i start now i'll never stop. My heart is broken. I dont know if i still have one. Do i? Will you help me find it? What is going to happen to me to us? Will there ever be a 'us'? I love you even though it hurts so bad to say ,but i do. It hurts so damn much. I cry for you everyday, i want to stop....
Someone please tell me im alive because i feel so dead.

Or is it that im already dead?