do you really want to live forever?
im not sure why, but the past few months ive been consumed with family issues. ive just been thinking about them so much more then i usually do. my grandma is getting so much worse and its so hard to see her sometimes. she cant do anything on her own and i just feel like there is no point in being alive if you cant do anything for yourself. i hate that my mom has to watch her mother, the woman she used to look up to as i look up to her, completely fade away right before her eyes. i feel like i see her body, but its just a shell, and theres nothing inside but mixed emotion and confusion about where she is, who she is, and what shes doing....but then somedays i see her look at me and smile, and i cant help but smile back. ive realized that there really is a person in there, shes just hard to see sometimes. but when i do see her, shes the most beautiful person in the world. i love her so much. my bubba and bibi were here this past week and i really did enjoy every moment we spent together. my bubba is the most adorable person i know. it makes me so happy when i hear his voice and ive never really gotten so excited to see someone that im related to. he is so cute and hilarious and hes turning 84 years old this march.
but with all this time spent with my two sets of grandparents, ive been forced to face the fact that sooner or later everyone is going to die. and while in the past i have disregarded this fact as much as humanly possible, i feel like its being shoved in my face every time im with them. its so sad to know that your life is shortening day by day. in a way i do want to be like all those icons i idolize. i do want to live fast and die young. i never want to be old. i never want to forget what its like to be a kid. i never want to be stuck in a shell. i want to be forever young. but, thats not how life goes. everything must run its corse, and i guess i'll just keep running mine.