To the boy who loves ATHF!!!!
Where do I begin? Well like I said, I'm not very good with spoken word... so I figured I was pretty quite tonight and maybe I should express some of my feelings in writing, before you think I don't care at all.
Well let's see, first off the ride home didn't suck as bad as I thought it would... I only almost killed myself twice, I think that is a new record for me or something. But on a more serious note, I had plenty of time to think of things to say to you, which was pretty shitty since you weren't there to say them to. So here goes nothing huh? I guess the one thing you said tonight, that kept replaying in my mind was about how it's like you're comfortable in your relationship, and it's so difficult starting over. I agree with you, I can only speak from my expierence and I stayed with J probably 6 months or so longer than I should have because I was comfortable. Not to say that's the case with you or that you will regret that decision, but I just wanted you to know that it could work out either way. Also that made me start thinking, since I kinda believe in the whole destiny thing or whatever, what if I had just left J when I should have,when all the real shit started going on, maybe we wouldn't be in this place right now, maybe we would have seen each other again then and then who knows. So maybe things are harder now because of my choices. I don't know I feel like I am rambling. Not trying to say we are meant to be with each other, because hell, I don't know. But, I know I feel damn good when you are around, I feel so relaxed. I know I said I get nervous around you , but it isn't a bad nervous at all... it's just me wondering what's going on in your head kind of nervous :)
I guess I just don't want you to make up your mind because of comfort, because you also said something about you thought since you went through so much at first it would just be easy. I thought that was an interesting way to put it, but I guess it's never easy no matter how much you go through, or how well you think you know a person. What you told me she did to you... I've been through that too, and I tried to forgive, hell I guess I did forgive but things were still never right. I guess I believe when you find that right person, you don't want to do things like that.. because you have all want with you.
Grrr... I dunno. I am so confused. I am so scared. I am so every emotion I can think of. I have a really awesome time with you, no matter what we are doing. I think about you when you're not there. You read the poems so you know I care about you. I'm sure there will be more for you to read :) I can't shake you and believe me, the last thing I thought I wanted right now was to meet someone I cared for. I just wanted to have fun, but I guess it's like if you find a good thing go with it, no matter what plans you had made. Only it's not that easy now is it. I wish it was. Well, I guess that is all I can say for right now. See you soon I hope.
um.. if you don't wanna have to go through love monster everytime to reach me i'll put my number on here and you can call me whenever.. if you need a ride or anything..
404-502-3605.
There ya go.. now a bunch of freaks are gonna call me :) And maybe a beached whale if I am lucky!!!
Ok I really need to go to sleep, and since you will be on my mind for the next... who knows how long.. I will go to sleep easily and sleep nicely! :)
GOOD NIGHT BUTT MONKEY!!
Love,
The Problem! :)
Well let's see, first off the ride home didn't suck as bad as I thought it would... I only almost killed myself twice, I think that is a new record for me or something. But on a more serious note, I had plenty of time to think of things to say to you, which was pretty shitty since you weren't there to say them to. So here goes nothing huh? I guess the one thing you said tonight, that kept replaying in my mind was about how it's like you're comfortable in your relationship, and it's so difficult starting over. I agree with you, I can only speak from my expierence and I stayed with J probably 6 months or so longer than I should have because I was comfortable. Not to say that's the case with you or that you will regret that decision, but I just wanted you to know that it could work out either way. Also that made me start thinking, since I kinda believe in the whole destiny thing or whatever, what if I had just left J when I should have,when all the real shit started going on, maybe we wouldn't be in this place right now, maybe we would have seen each other again then and then who knows. So maybe things are harder now because of my choices. I don't know I feel like I am rambling. Not trying to say we are meant to be with each other, because hell, I don't know. But, I know I feel damn good when you are around, I feel so relaxed. I know I said I get nervous around you , but it isn't a bad nervous at all... it's just me wondering what's going on in your head kind of nervous :)
I guess I just don't want you to make up your mind because of comfort, because you also said something about you thought since you went through so much at first it would just be easy. I thought that was an interesting way to put it, but I guess it's never easy no matter how much you go through, or how well you think you know a person. What you told me she did to you... I've been through that too, and I tried to forgive, hell I guess I did forgive but things were still never right. I guess I believe when you find that right person, you don't want to do things like that.. because you have all want with you.
Grrr... I dunno. I am so confused. I am so scared. I am so every emotion I can think of. I have a really awesome time with you, no matter what we are doing. I think about you when you're not there. You read the poems so you know I care about you. I'm sure there will be more for you to read :) I can't shake you and believe me, the last thing I thought I wanted right now was to meet someone I cared for. I just wanted to have fun, but I guess it's like if you find a good thing go with it, no matter what plans you had made. Only it's not that easy now is it. I wish it was. Well, I guess that is all I can say for right now. See you soon I hope.
um.. if you don't wanna have to go through love monster everytime to reach me i'll put my number on here and you can call me whenever.. if you need a ride or anything..
404-502-3605.
There ya go.. now a bunch of freaks are gonna call me :) And maybe a beached whale if I am lucky!!!
Ok I really need to go to sleep, and since you will be on my mind for the next... who knows how long.. I will go to sleep easily and sleep nicely! :)
GOOD NIGHT BUTT MONKEY!!
Love,
The Problem! :)