it will never be what we want it to be.

[love_the_hearts]

so 26. i feel the same. don't we always? i thought i wasn't going to get anything for my birthday. it was just a given. but surprise surprise i got flowers delivered to me from an awesome friend in philly that i went to college with, and lindsey got me some comfy cute pajamas and a little mini cake in halloween colors. AND i got this package delivered to me the day after my birthday from a new friend up north. wow. speechless. almost best package ever, rivaled only by the one Darrell made me when he was living in austin. this package though..is just so fucking great and perfect....to me...for me. i first pulled a black photo album out with a Alfred Hirchcock picture thing taped to the front, which i didn't realize was a postcard until later. which made me really confused that the photoalbum contained old photos taken in the 60's to 70's. i thought my friend had sent me his family photoalbum which made no sense. at the end of the old photos were photos of him at the beach--recently. i have this thing where i've been wanting to escape to the Oregon coast. miles of highway with green and sand and coast and water. being that he lives in Oregon, he drove to the coast and took pictures there, because he knew its where i've been wanting to visit and in one of the photos he had written "PAOLA NEEDS THE OREGON COAST" in the sand. amazing. I finally read the postcard and realized it was not his family photoalbum and later found out that he had purchased the album in a downtown thrift store. it was very weird to look at a family probably long gone, how they changed through the years: the wedding dress, drunken parties, the boat that caught on fire, the trips to disneyland, the hippie couple who went camping and hiking. kind of surreal. inside the package were some real autumn leaves. maple leaves i think. so fucking gorgeous i felt like i held a treasure of some sort in my hands. the colors!brilliant--yellow, greens, burgundy. so fresh, like he had just picked them up on the way into the post office and stuck them inside last minute. and thats exactly what he did. he also sent a shirt to replace one i had lost in a trade, and 5 burned CDs. included were Morrissey live at earl's court, the Amelie soundtrack, and a rufus wainwright CD. seriously made my day that whole thing.

--the past is a strange place---