regret 5,6,7/?
title: regret
author:love_teddies
rating: nc-17
notes: i hope i dont spoil everyones christmas mood with this. and this will be the end of the flashbacks. the next chapters will be of the present. thanks to sidneyfireblood for helping out
It had already been 5 month since everything happened. This had change Kami’s life drastically. The beginning was very tough. Mana wouldn’t let him go home at all, much less go back to Gackt’s place. His life was work, Mana’s home, getting violated, and the same thing the next day.
In the beginning, Kami tried to rebel against Mana’s pursuit for sex, but Mana was merciless. Every time Kami rebelled, Mana would threaten him with something. As time passed, he just laid still and let Mana do whatever he wanted with him. After Kami stopped fighting back, Mana was a bit nicer to him, gentler. Sometimes when Kami was too tired and rejected Mana’s wishes, Mana would cooperate, but only if he was in a good mood. This happened very rarely.
“Kami, do you want to go home?”
“Yeah, let call it a day, ne? Let’s go back.” But in fact, Kami did not want to go back, knowing he was safe in the office. At Mana’s house,
Mana’s words were law, and if he didn’t follow them, he would be severely punished.
“I meant do you want to go back to your own house” Mana said, emphasising ‘your own house’.
“Mana, what do you mean?” This really shocked Kami. Did he do something wrong? Was Mana angry with him? Would he tell Gackt what happened?
“You have been with me for 5 months now. I trust you. I don’t think you will dare do anything against me, since you know the consequences.
Better go before I change my mind. Come back to work as usual, and remember I said your house, not Gackt’s.”
“Oh, Mana! Thank you so much” Kami smiled widely, pulling Mana into a small hug. This made Mana’s heart flutter. This was the first time he had seen Kami this happy ever since that day.
Kami returned home, his home. The last time he stayed there was 4 years ago, before Gackt asked him to move in with him, even though he still came back every now and then to clean up the place.
The first thing the noticed was his letter box. It was full with letters, and every one of them was from Gackt.
Dear Kami,
I’ve reached US safe and sound. We managed to rent an apartment at the outskirt. That’s the best we can find with the low budget we have. Ren manage to get us a job in a bar a few minutes from where I stay and I got a part time job at a Japanese restaurant about 20 minutes from the apartment. Weirdly no one recognises me. I don’t know whether I should be happy or disappointed with this.
Anyway it’s so hard here. Life without you is worse than going to hell and coming back. If you wonder what happened to the purple ribbon you always tie your hair with, I brought it along with me. It’s the only thing I could find that has your scent.
So I think that’s all I’ve have to say for the meantime.
P.S. I’ve sent this to both mine and your apartment because I don’t know where will you be.
Love you forever my Kamifly
Your Gackt-chan.
Tears rolled down Kami’s cheeks as he continued to read the next letter. He couldn’t believe that Gackt missed him so much.
Dear Kami,
My Kamifly, why didn’t you reply the letter? Are you angry at me for leaving you without telling you? Kami, I’m really sorry but I know I couldn’t bear to see your saddened face if I were to tell you about it.
Nothing much has changed here. But I’m adapting well here. Luckily I can speak basic English, You-chan is having a hard time with English here and he is learning how to play the piano and violin thanks to me.
Kami, I get lonely at night. It’s just weird that you’re not sleeping next to me anymore. Nobody to keep me warm during cold nights. Nobody to tell me stories until I fall asleep. I miss you very much.
Gackt
Dear Kami,
Are you alright there .I’m starting to get worried, my love. Or are you still mad at me? Anyway whether you reply or not, I will still write to you. Coming back from work and writing to you, is what I look forward to every weekend. Kami my love, I miss you.
Today, we got an offer from a recording company, Crown Records. They want us to join them, wanting me to go solo. Looks like everyone
will be agreeing to this. I’ve found a new friend, Masa. He would to join our band as a guitarist later....................................
Kami continued reading them. All this while, Gackt had been worrying about him. He felt guilty, embarrassed and unworthy to love Gackt.
“How could I ever doubt his love for me the last time? If only I didn’t, this may not have happened. Maybe Mana wouldn’t have...raped me. If only I didn’t drink that much,” Kami said to himself, regretting his actions.
“Gackt-chan, how am I going to face you when you come back? Will you still love me, after you know what happened?”
Kami wrote a letter to Gackt but he couldn’t send it.
Kami finish writing his letter to Gackt. Just as he was about to leave to send them over, he was hit with a terrible headache. This had happened for some time now, after the accident, but this time the pain was unbearable.
A few weeks ago, the pain was too much for him to bear. He went to the hospital to check it out, just in case. To his surprise the doctor diagnosed him with subarachnoid haemorrhage. It would not be fatal if treated, but for his case, he had some complications.
Kami hoped that this was not the case, that this would not be the end of his life. Maybe it was so painful due to his fatigue. He laid down on his bed, trying to get some sleep; little did he know that he would not be waking up again.
On the other side of the Earth, Gackt has arrived home from work. You and Ren had returned earlier than him.
Just as he was about to take his shoes off, a sudden wave of emotions hit him. He couldn’t take it and collapsed onto the floor.
“Gackt! Are you alright? Ren, come out here and help me” You panicked
“You-kun, what’s up. Why did you c...” Ren was shocked, seeing Gackt on the floor. By the time he went into the room, Gackt was crying very badly
“Gac-chan, what happened? Come, we’ll help you to our room.” You said, helping Gackt up with Ren. The three of them shared the same room
As soon as they were in their room, Gackt emotions blared out, and he suddenly became very angry.
“GET OUT!”
“You don’t need to shout at us, Gackt-kun. We were just trying to help” Ren snapped back
“Gac-chan, what’s wrong with you. Just a moment ago you were crying and now you’re shouting. Let us help you” You said softly not wanting to make the other angry
“I SAID GET OUT. THANKS BUT I DON’T NEED YOUR HELP. I WANT TO BE ALONE!!!!! JUST GET OUT!” Gackt shouted while pushing the other two men out, slamming the door hard and locking it.
Again, Gackt started to feel miserable, helpless, lonely, and he began to sob. ‘What’s wrong with me?’ Gackt thought to himself.
When Gackt, turned back to his bed, his heart skipped a beat. He slapped himself. No this wasn’t a dream; Kami was sitting there, on his bed, smiling at him.
“Surprise” Kami said, hugging his lover. Gackt hugged the other man back, speechless for a moment.
“Kami what are doing here? When did you get here?”
“I’m here because I missed you. I wanted to meet you one last time.” The last line was barely a whisper. Tears started filling his eyes.
“I missed you too.” Gackt didn’t hear the last line. “Kami what’s wrong, hmm?” he asked, gently brushing the tears from his lover’s eyes.
“Nothing. I’m just happy to see you again” Kami said, later pulled Gackt in for a kiss.
Gackt open his mouth, accepting the kiss. Both men then starting kissing each other full of lust and passion. Both were hungry for more.
Gackt noticed Kami’s body was extremely cold and pulled back. “Kami, are you unwell? Your body is freezing”
“Don’t mind that. I think it’s because I’m not used to the weather here.” Kami lied, pulling Gackt in for more kisses.
Gackt kissed Kami hungrily while stripping the other man. Gackt’s kisses moved to his lover’s neck. Kissing, licking and biting it. He then moved lower; down to Kami’s hardened nipples, teasing them for a while. Kami moaned in delight. He chanted his lover’s name again and again. He had missed and longed for Gackt’s touch and attention.
Gackt let his tongue run along the other man’s harden member before taking in the whole thing. “Gac-chan.... more.” Gackt, without needing to be told twice, did as told. Just before Kami can come, Gackt pulled back.
“Did I do something wrong?” Kami was worried as hell. Did Gackt notice his impurity?
“Nothing. Lets come together” Gackt replied, smiling widely at his lover
Gackt slid the first finger into the other man, soon followed with the second and the third. Gackt seemed to in the rush; he too longed for Kami. Knowing his lover was well prepared, he replaced his fingers with his hardened length, sending Kami waves of pleasure. Both Gackt and Kami moaned as if they were the only ones in the apartment.
Outside, You and Ren were worried sick about Gackt. To their surprise, they heard Gackt’s moans from their room, only Gackt’s.
“Looks like he is having a nightmare ne, You-kun?” Ren said, popping a candy into his mouth
“I don’t think that’s a nightmare. I think he is either dreaming, or hallucinating Kami” You said, knowing well that the noises from their room are Gackt’s moans. You was very sure of that, as he too had made Gackt moan his name six years ago.
Both Gackt and Kami were on the edge, with Gackt moving in and out the other man rapidly. His hand worked on the other man’s member in time with his thrusts, making Kami come on his hand and chest. Gackt too came a heartbeat later. Both men were screaming each other’s name. The scream was heard by You and Ren outside, but only Gackt’s
“Guess that you are right ne” Ren said. He almost choked on his candy when he heard that scream
“Yeah” You replied with a shrug.
Gackt just laid on Kami, still in the other man. He wanted to feel safe, complete and loved. After a while Gackt pulled out, and got off the bed to get something to clean both of them. But Kami held him back.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m just going to find something to clean us both”
“Satoru, please don’t go” Kami replied, showing his lover two round teary puppy eyes
“Your wish is my command”. Gackt felt weird with Kami calling him with his real name.
Kami rested his head on Gackt’s shoulder. “Satoru, I’m leaving and we can’t meet ever again, not in this life” Kami said, tears forming.
“What do you mean you’re leaving, and why we can never meet again?” Gackt said very confused
“Gackt, I’m...” Kami paused. He was scared that Gackt would not be able to accept what he was about to tell him. “I’m dead. But ....”
“What do you mean, you’re dead? How can you be dead when you’re here?”
“Even if I’m not dead, I don’t think you will love me anymore when you know what had happened these few months.”
“KAMI, SNAP OUT OF IT! Please stop it. I don’t understand”
“You will know when you get back to Japan. I’ve left a letter there for you, in my place. It was written before my death. I didn’t see this coming.
Gac-chan, I’m so sorry. A lot had happened these last few months. I wrote everything on that letter. ”
“Kami please stop. You’re scaring......”
Before Gackt could finish, Kami pulled him in for a kiss, their last kiss.
“Take care. Gackt, I love you and always will. I will watch over you. Lets meet in our next life. Goodbye, my love” Kami vanished into the thin air after that.
Gackt was terrified. If Kami was dead, then that was Kami’s ghost. He knew he could see the dead, but he hoped and prayed that wasn’t the case. He hoped that he was hallucinating. But he heart told him something else. ‘Kami, his body was as cold as the.....dead’
Without further delay, he drove to the airport and caught the earliest flight. He was so worried that he forgot to pack his clothes along with him. During the flight, he prayed to whatever gods he knew, prayed for Kami’s well being, and prayed that it was all a dream. “Kami will be at home when I reach, save and sound, sleeping with that angelic face of his” he said to himself the whole journey, tears in his eyes.
Gackt arrived back in Japan four days after the incident. The earliest flight he could get was two days earlier, and he had to wait for seven hours in Thailand before he was able to get a flight back home. Along the whole journey he tried his best to hope, hope that whatever happened back then wasn’t true.
As soon as he touched down, passport stamped, he straight away hailed a cab, directing the driver to Kami’s place. It was 2am when he finally reached Kami’s place, his heart pounding non-stop.
He gathered himself for a brief moment before entering. Kami had given him the keys a few years ago just in case of any emergency. He entered.
The house seemed very empty and....lifeless. Gackt looked everywhere but found no signs of his lover. He then remembered about the letter Kami told him about and quickly searched for it. Half of him hoped that the letter was there and the other half hoped that the letter never existed.
Without much hassle, he found the letter in the study. The letter was in an envelope with his address on it. On the envelope, ‘To the love of my life - Gackt’ written on it. Everything that happened during Gackt’s absence was written on that letter.
Gackt read it over and over again, tears rolling down his cheeks non-stop. He couldn’t believe all that had happen after he left. Kami, he had endured so much during this period of time. This was entirely his fault. “If only I had stayed. I’m so sorry Kami” he said to himself over and over again .But this didn’t mean that Kami was dead...and the only place Kami might be now was at Mana’s house.
Gackt went banging on Mana’s door.
“MANA, YOU SON OF A BITCH, I KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE”
Mana woke up from his sleep surprised. He was dead tired dealing with Kami’s funeral. But he soon regained consciousness, and fear and shock overcame him. ‘Why is Gackt back? No one told him about Kami. Did he found out about everything?’
“MANA, OPEN THE DOOR!!! I’M COUNTING TO THREE, 1.....2...”
“Gackt, what do you think you’re doing here in the middle of the night?”
“Where is Kami? I know what’s happened!” Gackt barged in, wanting to hit Mana
“Gackt, Kami’s...........” Mana hesitated “he’s dead”
Gackt’s heart broke, and he went weak onto the floor. ‘Kami’s really dead. He’s dead. This is all my fault....’ Again and again he said this to himself
“I’m sorry, Gackt”
Suddenly, Gackt looked at Mana. “No, this is your fault”
Gackt got up, looking at Mana with bloodshot eyes. This scared the hell out of Mana. Within the next second, Gackt pulled his hair, dragging him to the bedroom. Mana screams in pain.
“LET GO OF ME. WHAT THE HELL YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING? LET ME GO” Mana screamed while trying to break away from Gackt.
Gackt threw Mana on the bed. “I’m going to do exactly what you did to Kami, or maybe even worse” he said, showing no emotions.
“No, don’t. I’m sorry. Please, Gackt don’t “ Mana begged, fear written all over his face. But, before he knew it, Gackt had stripped him naked and bound him with his belt.
Gackt then left for a moment. Mana was terrified, not knowing what Gackt was thinking. He didn’t know, but he was sure that Gackt had horrible things planned for him.
Gackt came back with a kitchen knife. He started running the knife slowly down the other man’s chest, all the way down to his thighs. Mana screamed, blood flowing out from his body. He started to beg the other for mercy.
Gackt didn’t react to Mana’s begging, but instead began stripping himself and then straddled the other man. He entered the other man without any warning or preparations, sending piercing pain through the other. Mana screamed even louder. Gackt rode his way to his own climax, not caring a bit for the man beneath him.
Just as Mana prayed for, everything had ended. Tears soaked the pillows. Gackt got off and started dressing. Mana laid there sobbing, still bound.
“Where is Kami now?” Gackt said with voice of no emotions.
“We buried him at the Ukyou plot in his hometown”
Gackt freed Mana’s hand and left immediately. It was raining heavily.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Leaving Kami was the one thing he regretted. Even now, Gackt’s heart still belonged to Kami. He would wake up in the middle of the night crying, feeling lonely. Nightmares of Kami’s suffering with Mana haunted him almost every night.
author:love_teddies
rating: nc-17
notes: i hope i dont spoil everyones christmas mood with this. and this will be the end of the flashbacks. the next chapters will be of the present. thanks to sidneyfireblood for helping out
It had already been 5 month since everything happened. This had change Kami’s life drastically. The beginning was very tough. Mana wouldn’t let him go home at all, much less go back to Gackt’s place. His life was work, Mana’s home, getting violated, and the same thing the next day.
In the beginning, Kami tried to rebel against Mana’s pursuit for sex, but Mana was merciless. Every time Kami rebelled, Mana would threaten him with something. As time passed, he just laid still and let Mana do whatever he wanted with him. After Kami stopped fighting back, Mana was a bit nicer to him, gentler. Sometimes when Kami was too tired and rejected Mana’s wishes, Mana would cooperate, but only if he was in a good mood. This happened very rarely.
“Kami, do you want to go home?”
“Yeah, let call it a day, ne? Let’s go back.” But in fact, Kami did not want to go back, knowing he was safe in the office. At Mana’s house,
Mana’s words were law, and if he didn’t follow them, he would be severely punished.
“I meant do you want to go back to your own house” Mana said, emphasising ‘your own house’.
“Mana, what do you mean?” This really shocked Kami. Did he do something wrong? Was Mana angry with him? Would he tell Gackt what happened?
“You have been with me for 5 months now. I trust you. I don’t think you will dare do anything against me, since you know the consequences.
Better go before I change my mind. Come back to work as usual, and remember I said your house, not Gackt’s.”
“Oh, Mana! Thank you so much” Kami smiled widely, pulling Mana into a small hug. This made Mana’s heart flutter. This was the first time he had seen Kami this happy ever since that day.
Kami returned home, his home. The last time he stayed there was 4 years ago, before Gackt asked him to move in with him, even though he still came back every now and then to clean up the place.
The first thing the noticed was his letter box. It was full with letters, and every one of them was from Gackt.
Dear Kami,
I’ve reached US safe and sound. We managed to rent an apartment at the outskirt. That’s the best we can find with the low budget we have. Ren manage to get us a job in a bar a few minutes from where I stay and I got a part time job at a Japanese restaurant about 20 minutes from the apartment. Weirdly no one recognises me. I don’t know whether I should be happy or disappointed with this.
Anyway it’s so hard here. Life without you is worse than going to hell and coming back. If you wonder what happened to the purple ribbon you always tie your hair with, I brought it along with me. It’s the only thing I could find that has your scent.
So I think that’s all I’ve have to say for the meantime.
P.S. I’ve sent this to both mine and your apartment because I don’t know where will you be.
Love you forever my Kamifly
Your Gackt-chan.
Tears rolled down Kami’s cheeks as he continued to read the next letter. He couldn’t believe that Gackt missed him so much.
Dear Kami,
My Kamifly, why didn’t you reply the letter? Are you angry at me for leaving you without telling you? Kami, I’m really sorry but I know I couldn’t bear to see your saddened face if I were to tell you about it.
Nothing much has changed here. But I’m adapting well here. Luckily I can speak basic English, You-chan is having a hard time with English here and he is learning how to play the piano and violin thanks to me.
Kami, I get lonely at night. It’s just weird that you’re not sleeping next to me anymore. Nobody to keep me warm during cold nights. Nobody to tell me stories until I fall asleep. I miss you very much.
Gackt
Dear Kami,
Are you alright there .I’m starting to get worried, my love. Or are you still mad at me? Anyway whether you reply or not, I will still write to you. Coming back from work and writing to you, is what I look forward to every weekend. Kami my love, I miss you.
Today, we got an offer from a recording company, Crown Records. They want us to join them, wanting me to go solo. Looks like everyone
will be agreeing to this. I’ve found a new friend, Masa. He would to join our band as a guitarist later....................................
Kami continued reading them. All this while, Gackt had been worrying about him. He felt guilty, embarrassed and unworthy to love Gackt.
“How could I ever doubt his love for me the last time? If only I didn’t, this may not have happened. Maybe Mana wouldn’t have...raped me. If only I didn’t drink that much,” Kami said to himself, regretting his actions.
“Gackt-chan, how am I going to face you when you come back? Will you still love me, after you know what happened?”
Kami wrote a letter to Gackt but he couldn’t send it.
Kami finish writing his letter to Gackt. Just as he was about to leave to send them over, he was hit with a terrible headache. This had happened for some time now, after the accident, but this time the pain was unbearable.
A few weeks ago, the pain was too much for him to bear. He went to the hospital to check it out, just in case. To his surprise the doctor diagnosed him with subarachnoid haemorrhage. It would not be fatal if treated, but for his case, he had some complications.
Kami hoped that this was not the case, that this would not be the end of his life. Maybe it was so painful due to his fatigue. He laid down on his bed, trying to get some sleep; little did he know that he would not be waking up again.
On the other side of the Earth, Gackt has arrived home from work. You and Ren had returned earlier than him.
Just as he was about to take his shoes off, a sudden wave of emotions hit him. He couldn’t take it and collapsed onto the floor.
“Gackt! Are you alright? Ren, come out here and help me” You panicked
“You-kun, what’s up. Why did you c...” Ren was shocked, seeing Gackt on the floor. By the time he went into the room, Gackt was crying very badly
“Gac-chan, what happened? Come, we’ll help you to our room.” You said, helping Gackt up with Ren. The three of them shared the same room
As soon as they were in their room, Gackt emotions blared out, and he suddenly became very angry.
“GET OUT!”
“You don’t need to shout at us, Gackt-kun. We were just trying to help” Ren snapped back
“Gac-chan, what’s wrong with you. Just a moment ago you were crying and now you’re shouting. Let us help you” You said softly not wanting to make the other angry
“I SAID GET OUT. THANKS BUT I DON’T NEED YOUR HELP. I WANT TO BE ALONE!!!!! JUST GET OUT!” Gackt shouted while pushing the other two men out, slamming the door hard and locking it.
Again, Gackt started to feel miserable, helpless, lonely, and he began to sob. ‘What’s wrong with me?’ Gackt thought to himself.
When Gackt, turned back to his bed, his heart skipped a beat. He slapped himself. No this wasn’t a dream; Kami was sitting there, on his bed, smiling at him.
“Surprise” Kami said, hugging his lover. Gackt hugged the other man back, speechless for a moment.
“Kami what are doing here? When did you get here?”
“I’m here because I missed you. I wanted to meet you one last time.” The last line was barely a whisper. Tears started filling his eyes.
“I missed you too.” Gackt didn’t hear the last line. “Kami what’s wrong, hmm?” he asked, gently brushing the tears from his lover’s eyes.
“Nothing. I’m just happy to see you again” Kami said, later pulled Gackt in for a kiss.
Gackt open his mouth, accepting the kiss. Both men then starting kissing each other full of lust and passion. Both were hungry for more.
Gackt noticed Kami’s body was extremely cold and pulled back. “Kami, are you unwell? Your body is freezing”
“Don’t mind that. I think it’s because I’m not used to the weather here.” Kami lied, pulling Gackt in for more kisses.
Gackt kissed Kami hungrily while stripping the other man. Gackt’s kisses moved to his lover’s neck. Kissing, licking and biting it. He then moved lower; down to Kami’s hardened nipples, teasing them for a while. Kami moaned in delight. He chanted his lover’s name again and again. He had missed and longed for Gackt’s touch and attention.
Gackt let his tongue run along the other man’s harden member before taking in the whole thing. “Gac-chan.... more.” Gackt, without needing to be told twice, did as told. Just before Kami can come, Gackt pulled back.
“Did I do something wrong?” Kami was worried as hell. Did Gackt notice his impurity?
“Nothing. Lets come together” Gackt replied, smiling widely at his lover
Gackt slid the first finger into the other man, soon followed with the second and the third. Gackt seemed to in the rush; he too longed for Kami. Knowing his lover was well prepared, he replaced his fingers with his hardened length, sending Kami waves of pleasure. Both Gackt and Kami moaned as if they were the only ones in the apartment.
Outside, You and Ren were worried sick about Gackt. To their surprise, they heard Gackt’s moans from their room, only Gackt’s.
“Looks like he is having a nightmare ne, You-kun?” Ren said, popping a candy into his mouth
“I don’t think that’s a nightmare. I think he is either dreaming, or hallucinating Kami” You said, knowing well that the noises from their room are Gackt’s moans. You was very sure of that, as he too had made Gackt moan his name six years ago.
Both Gackt and Kami were on the edge, with Gackt moving in and out the other man rapidly. His hand worked on the other man’s member in time with his thrusts, making Kami come on his hand and chest. Gackt too came a heartbeat later. Both men were screaming each other’s name. The scream was heard by You and Ren outside, but only Gackt’s
“Guess that you are right ne” Ren said. He almost choked on his candy when he heard that scream
“Yeah” You replied with a shrug.
Gackt just laid on Kami, still in the other man. He wanted to feel safe, complete and loved. After a while Gackt pulled out, and got off the bed to get something to clean both of them. But Kami held him back.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m just going to find something to clean us both”
“Satoru, please don’t go” Kami replied, showing his lover two round teary puppy eyes
“Your wish is my command”. Gackt felt weird with Kami calling him with his real name.
Kami rested his head on Gackt’s shoulder. “Satoru, I’m leaving and we can’t meet ever again, not in this life” Kami said, tears forming.
“What do you mean you’re leaving, and why we can never meet again?” Gackt said very confused
“Gackt, I’m...” Kami paused. He was scared that Gackt would not be able to accept what he was about to tell him. “I’m dead. But ....”
“What do you mean, you’re dead? How can you be dead when you’re here?”
“Even if I’m not dead, I don’t think you will love me anymore when you know what had happened these few months.”
“KAMI, SNAP OUT OF IT! Please stop it. I don’t understand”
“You will know when you get back to Japan. I’ve left a letter there for you, in my place. It was written before my death. I didn’t see this coming.
Gac-chan, I’m so sorry. A lot had happened these last few months. I wrote everything on that letter. ”
“Kami please stop. You’re scaring......”
Before Gackt could finish, Kami pulled him in for a kiss, their last kiss.
“Take care. Gackt, I love you and always will. I will watch over you. Lets meet in our next life. Goodbye, my love” Kami vanished into the thin air after that.
Gackt was terrified. If Kami was dead, then that was Kami’s ghost. He knew he could see the dead, but he hoped and prayed that wasn’t the case. He hoped that he was hallucinating. But he heart told him something else. ‘Kami, his body was as cold as the.....dead’
Without further delay, he drove to the airport and caught the earliest flight. He was so worried that he forgot to pack his clothes along with him. During the flight, he prayed to whatever gods he knew, prayed for Kami’s well being, and prayed that it was all a dream. “Kami will be at home when I reach, save and sound, sleeping with that angelic face of his” he said to himself the whole journey, tears in his eyes.
Gackt arrived back in Japan four days after the incident. The earliest flight he could get was two days earlier, and he had to wait for seven hours in Thailand before he was able to get a flight back home. Along the whole journey he tried his best to hope, hope that whatever happened back then wasn’t true.
As soon as he touched down, passport stamped, he straight away hailed a cab, directing the driver to Kami’s place. It was 2am when he finally reached Kami’s place, his heart pounding non-stop.
He gathered himself for a brief moment before entering. Kami had given him the keys a few years ago just in case of any emergency. He entered.
The house seemed very empty and....lifeless. Gackt looked everywhere but found no signs of his lover. He then remembered about the letter Kami told him about and quickly searched for it. Half of him hoped that the letter was there and the other half hoped that the letter never existed.
Without much hassle, he found the letter in the study. The letter was in an envelope with his address on it. On the envelope, ‘To the love of my life - Gackt’ written on it. Everything that happened during Gackt’s absence was written on that letter.
Gackt read it over and over again, tears rolling down his cheeks non-stop. He couldn’t believe all that had happen after he left. Kami, he had endured so much during this period of time. This was entirely his fault. “If only I had stayed. I’m so sorry Kami” he said to himself over and over again .But this didn’t mean that Kami was dead...and the only place Kami might be now was at Mana’s house.
Gackt went banging on Mana’s door.
“MANA, YOU SON OF A BITCH, I KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE”
Mana woke up from his sleep surprised. He was dead tired dealing with Kami’s funeral. But he soon regained consciousness, and fear and shock overcame him. ‘Why is Gackt back? No one told him about Kami. Did he found out about everything?’
“MANA, OPEN THE DOOR!!! I’M COUNTING TO THREE, 1.....2...”
“Gackt, what do you think you’re doing here in the middle of the night?”
“Where is Kami? I know what’s happened!” Gackt barged in, wanting to hit Mana
“Gackt, Kami’s...........” Mana hesitated “he’s dead”
Gackt’s heart broke, and he went weak onto the floor. ‘Kami’s really dead. He’s dead. This is all my fault....’ Again and again he said this to himself
“I’m sorry, Gackt”
Suddenly, Gackt looked at Mana. “No, this is your fault”
Gackt got up, looking at Mana with bloodshot eyes. This scared the hell out of Mana. Within the next second, Gackt pulled his hair, dragging him to the bedroom. Mana screams in pain.
“LET GO OF ME. WHAT THE HELL YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING? LET ME GO” Mana screamed while trying to break away from Gackt.
Gackt threw Mana on the bed. “I’m going to do exactly what you did to Kami, or maybe even worse” he said, showing no emotions.
“No, don’t. I’m sorry. Please, Gackt don’t “ Mana begged, fear written all over his face. But, before he knew it, Gackt had stripped him naked and bound him with his belt.
Gackt then left for a moment. Mana was terrified, not knowing what Gackt was thinking. He didn’t know, but he was sure that Gackt had horrible things planned for him.
Gackt came back with a kitchen knife. He started running the knife slowly down the other man’s chest, all the way down to his thighs. Mana screamed, blood flowing out from his body. He started to beg the other for mercy.
Gackt didn’t react to Mana’s begging, but instead began stripping himself and then straddled the other man. He entered the other man without any warning or preparations, sending piercing pain through the other. Mana screamed even louder. Gackt rode his way to his own climax, not caring a bit for the man beneath him.
Just as Mana prayed for, everything had ended. Tears soaked the pillows. Gackt got off and started dressing. Mana laid there sobbing, still bound.
“Where is Kami now?” Gackt said with voice of no emotions.
“We buried him at the Ukyou plot in his hometown”
Gackt freed Mana’s hand and left immediately. It was raining heavily.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Leaving Kami was the one thing he regretted. Even now, Gackt’s heart still belonged to Kami. He would wake up in the middle of the night crying, feeling lonely. Nightmares of Kami’s suffering with Mana haunted him almost every night.